#shout out to tumblr for not posting what i saved. yeah that’s good (lie)

[m1d-45]

renewed

summary: many things have changed in aether's life since he met you...

word count: 2.7k

-> warnings: n/a

-> gn reader (you/yours) + aether as traveller!

taglist: @samarill || @thenyxsky || @valeriele3 || @shizunxie || @boba-is-a-soup || @yuus3n || @esthelily || @turningfrogsgay || @cupandtea24 || @genshin-impacts-me || @chaoticfivesworld || @raaawwwr || @ryuryuryuyurboat || @undrxtxd || @rainswept || @wanderersqt || @rozz-eokkk

< masterlist >

aether isn’t quite human. at least not entirely, not anymore.

it could be argued that even prior to coming to teyvat, he and his sister weren’t entirely human. they were nearly always stronger than the native life wherever they traveled, never lingering long enough for an accurate portrait to be drawn. between their glittering wings and the razor sharp swords at their hips, it could be easily argued that from the perspective of the people they visited they could be called angels.

a few wrote legends about them. the gilded warriors with shimmering swords that blinded as they slashed, so in step with each other that it was as if they were one being. the saviors, the adventurers, the peaceful giants, twin faces atop four wings apiece. lumine always managed to sneak away a copy of these legends, and they privately laughed over the artwork at their camp that night.

“we don’t look that intimidating, do we?”

“i’m fairly certain-… hang on, is that a tail?”

“that’s supposed to my hair, i think.”

“no no, look. it connects lower, here.”

“…by the stars-”

they didn’t see themselves that way, though. they were simply twins, defined by the other in every sense. never apart for long, always stood side by side, trading swords before a dangerous fight as a promise to return them.

‘draw me with courage.’

‘wield me with valor.’

lumine and aether and aether and lumine. they never fussed about the order, so long as they were together. call them whatever you’d like, insults or praise or a simple, tired request to leave, as long as it was both of them. they were all they had left. the other half of their life. to try and pry apart the seam would only result in bleeding hearts, limbs tangling together to at least die by the other’s side. even ‘twin’ was too simple a word to fit the entirety of their lives into. ‘twin’ implied a degree of separation, an impossible gap between them where wind would blow and the world would dig into, pushing them away like waves in a boat’s wake. ‘twin’ was too shallow a word, to bitter, too small to encompass everything they felt.

such fervent devotion could never be considered ‘human,’ for no human would ever live long enough to know the fear that came with knowing everything that swelled would eventually fall. no human would clutch so desperately to the twin pillars in their life—would ever consider basing their world upon two things. they’d call it foolish, even, for what would you do if one collapsed?

aether never liked that question. he didn’t like it when he and lumine first heard it, he didn’t like it when he and lumine heard it a second time, he didn’t like it anytime he and lumine heard it after that. he didn’t like it now, her sword slipping from his hands as he reached, his fingers barely brushing hers.

the unknown god laughed, and he barely had time to feel rage before the world closed in on him and his memory faded away.

aether and lumine. lumine and aether. she was always insistent upon his safety, but just this once he wished she wasn’t. living in whatever stasis she was in within that cube would certainly hurt less than this, bile rising in his throat at his failure.

somewhere in his mind, he knew that it logically wasn’t his fault. he remembered the layer of warmth that had surrounded him mid-battle, saw the reflection of understanding in lumine’s eyes. it wasn’t technically his fault, he didn’t ask to be saved, ignoring that it was his own actions that led to his god’s blessing. perhaps if he wasn’t so strict about the time of his prayer he wouldn’t have to be alone on this beach, though there was no way to find out. the sand stretched on either side, and though it wasn’t infinite, he had not left the immediate area around where he’d first woken up. to move was to move on, to leave, to accept that his world had shattered into a thousand little fragments and to give up on picking them off the floor. he couldn’t leave. to leave was to surrender to this new fate. to leave was to forget about his sister, to forget about his self, to forget about the half of his life he never imagined he could lose.

family and faith. to lose his gods favor was a threat he could live with, as there would only be himself to blame. but his sister?

if he hadn’t fished up paimon, he’s not certain he would have eaten the fish that came up instead.

she was bright, bubbly, at least after coughing up an impossible amount of seawater. she thanked him profusely while wringing out her hair, insisting on helping him in return because “it’s only fair!” as if he wasn’t three times her weight (save her magic) and and ten times as strong.

and he let her. he’s not sure why, but he did. he watched her fumble to catch crabs, ending up covered in sand, and managed a weak smile. it was for her, he told himself, spearing three with a sword that wasn’t his, helping her arrange driftwood into a measly campfire. he hardly felt hungry despite being on the beach for what had to be a few months in local time, but she was so insistent that he have some.. it was for her benefit. he just had to get her somewhere safe, then… then…

“so, where are you from?”

aether looked up from his barely-touched meal, meeting her eyes. they were so wide and earnest, too trusting for someone that just met him.

not that he had any ill intentions. no, lumine would always joke that the day he was willingly rude to another would be the day the sky turned red—something that had been the case on one of the planets they’d visited, much to her delight.

aether turned back to the fire, pushing aside the memory. “another planet.” his voice was hoarse and his throat scratched with salt from attempting to drink the seawater earlier, which was not as potable as he’d hoped. “i flew here with my sister.”

“you have a sister?” paimon looked around, though they both knew she wouldn’t find anything. “where is she?”

aether swallowed salt and bile, taking another bite of his crab just to stall. “how about we talk in the morning?”

she let the topic drop.

he didn’t sleep that night, lending her his scarf as a pillow and keeping watch. she didn’t wake when the moon erased the shadows in the sand, or when the sun first crested the sea, or when the sky fully lightened to a pale blue, birdsong filling the air. one of the remnants from the fire found its way into his hand, reaching out to gently shake her awake. her eyes were heavy and she covered her mouth as she yawned, aether looking away before his own could water.

he drew nothing in the sand as she asked her questions—who are you, where’d you come from, who are you missing, what happened to her, why didn’t you do anything?—sketching out mountains and seas he wiped away as soon as they took form. he spoke for much longer than he meant to, his words pulled out as if they were tied to some invisible string.

when was the last time he was alone for this long?

paimon listened intently, brows drawn and frowning deeply, watching as he carved twin—twin, separated by time and space—stars into the sand. “so… what you’re trying to say is that you fell here… from another world? but when you wanted to leave, to go on to the next world, your path was blocked by some unknown god?”

wow, he wanted to snark, i didn’t know there was an echo out here! but the chance never came. magic gripped him by the throat and his eyes went wide in panic, his mouth shaping words he didn’t choose to say by force. he didn’t want to say what someone else told him to. he didn’t know what was going on. he was being pulled at some ghost’s whims, walking stiffly across the sand. it did not skid from beneath his feet, nor pull his balance one way or another. it was solid as stone, leading him up the beach without warning, without knowledge of why or when it would stop.

when was the last time he was this helpless?

(lumine.)

he stumbled across the shore on uncoordinated limbs, fighting fruitlessly. ahead, slime bubbled up from where the sand met the sea, but the ghost did not stop. mist coagulated into a pale blue blob with hazy spots for eyes, and only then was he allowed to stop. paimon yelped and ducked behind him, a familiar weight sinking into his hand. the slime had barely the chance to turn and see him, jerking up as if surprised, when his arm slashed forward.

a sword. not his sword, not lumine’s sword, but a sword, pulled from nowhere, the dull blade hacking at the blob of its own will until the sludge dispersed and sunk back into the sand. a soft mist lingered above the sand, but he was pulled forward without care or remorse. he didn’t even know if it would have hurt him.

weight hit him between the shoulders, cold spreading over his skin and absorbing into his skin. energy buzzed beside his ear, his earring humming with neither outlet nor conduit. were he anyone else, he would have been afraid, but he recognized the buzz. all at once, he understood. all at once, the weak puppetry was vindicated, his muscles relaxing and letting it happen. your energy sank into him, and he let himself stop worrying.

if you were here, he’d be okay. if you were here, you could fix this.

if you were here, he could find his sister, and everything would be okay again.

aether was not human. not entirely, not anymore, and he knew the people of mondstat could tell. you had stayed to guide his body for a week, alternating between helping the knights with dvalin and exploring the plains of mondstat. he was weak and your grip was frail, his attacks uncoordinated and clumsy, but you were there. you understood. the cavalry captain gave him a long stare as they exited his domain, a mix of curiosity and disbelief swirling in his one eye.

when you finally left, you did so in the middle of mondstat square. a physical weight lifted from his shoulders, the anemo he’d absorbed turning from calm and controlled to pushing at the edges of his form, trying to make him give. the anemo archon approached, soothing the wind with a wave of his hand, pulling him along for a drink and a chat. his knees did not want to bend without your command, his mind fraying a bit from continued exposure.

“how interesting, that you’re still standing after a week without rest,” the bartender remarked, the glass in his hands obviously an excuse to keep them above the bar. “what’s your name, outlander?”

he did not think of his own name. no, when he went to answer, he thought of the name you had given him, the one you whispered as you sheltered him from the unknown god’s wrath. it was not his, but it was yours, and wasn’t that what he was asking for?

it took too long for him to answer. red eyes narrowed but eventually chalked it up to exhaustion, giving him directions he couldn’t hear. the captain led him to a room in the back, but he didn’t sleep that night, sitting at the window and searching for the thin sliver of stars.

he didn’t need to eat anymore. he could, certainly, and it tasted fine enough, but he didn’t exactly need to. he’d thought it odd, at first, that barbatos was healed strictly by the wind, but he understood now. he spent his free time sitting under vanessa’s tree, half-asleep as he waited for your return.

you were his source of energy, of will. you knew answers to problems he’d have given up on, and if you didn’t then you tried and tried and tried again until you got it right. you were the power that purified dvalin’s tears, you swept the wind to fix the holy lyre, you cleared the seals around decarabian’s tower. he was a medium, and he was happy with that. your presence waxed and waned, the lapses without you seeming to pass by in a blink.

a few of the knights worried for him, but he knew your vessels understood. none held as much of your power as him, none were as reliant on you, but they understood. they excused his oddities with a kind smile, paimon always at his side to make sure he didn’t waste away the day simply sitting in one spot. prior to coming to teyvat, the concept of elemental sight was something he was only vaguely familiar with. a few planets had some talented witches that could feel the flow of energy through the ground and grass, who could watch the mist in the air and predict the weather. he’d never experienced it himself before. now, the world lit up as his eyes took on a teal sheen, your power mixing with the anemo within him to grant him insight. the world was so vibrant, even the most mundane sights capturing his attention. how could he not stare? if he had it his way he’d always view your creations like this.. but whenever paimon snapped him out of it he’d come out of it with a headache, not to mention his staring tended to be off-putting to those around.

a lot of his new behaviors were. when within your control, he moved stiffly, with repetitive motions forecast well in advance. you chose what he said, when and how he moved, you controlled the very flow of elements through his body. it was harder and harder to think for himself without you there and though paimon handled most of the conversation, there was only so much she could say.

“who are you looking for?” lumine. his sister. himself. the knowledge was there but his throat was closed, unwilling to move without your order.

“thank you for your help.” you’re welcome. don’t worry about it. it was nothing. all he could manage was a stiff nod, eyes flicking to the sky, counting the days until your return. he’d gotten a good grasp of your routine by now.

“who are you?” yours. a traveller. lumine’s. he could not blame those they ran across for their suspicion, even though he wanted to. could they not feel the remains of your presence lingering around him?

they had to go to the rite of decension soon. liyue was holding off, though, waiting for your arrival. they’d never dare to make you miss it, so aether felt no hurry to leave. he laid in the middle of windrise, staring up at the stars. he used to sit atop the knights’ headquarters, but it took too long for the lights of the city to turn out and he liked picking out the various constellations.

his was up there, somewhere. he didn’t have a vision like your other vessels, but he could feel it. it was written right beside your decision to save him and not lumine, alongside your actions in mondstat and everything you’d do in liyue. fate, you’d called it, well-acquainted and intertwined.

aether fell asleep on wet grass among cold wind. he did not get sick, nor was he attacked or otherwise hurt. why would he have been, anyway? your blood was in his veins; he had nothing at all to fear.

[pinkslaystation]

Ghost of A Connection

Ghost and Staff!Reader

In which you work at the nearest store at base, Ghost being your least favourite and unfortunately, most frequent, customer. Is there a connection there, or is it in his head? yALL - all these COD stories on tumblr got me hyped! So here I am tryna catch some clout ;) Be warned, this is possibly a very inaccurate version of military life, but then again, it's just a story. Word Count: 2.5k

Man, post-graduate life is hard.

Graduating top of your cohort of nearly 300 students in your masters degree within Psychology was impressive. Saving enough money from shadowing your senior Psychology professor and moving out to your apartment was impressive. Owing your own car was impressive.

What wasn't impressive though, was nearly hitting the 6 month mark of unemployment.

So here you are, stuck calling all your classmates for any open roles. You're so desperate at this point, you'd go for anything!

"Hey, Mahir! I know we didn't quite end of good terms...um-you know...when you asked for the mid-terms answers last year, and I- um...left you on delivered, and you had to retake the exams...but um, I hear you started working at the University as a Researcher and you're looking for a assistant? Well gee, don't forget how smart I a-"

Disconnected.

"Yooo, Josephine, it's me! From the Psychopathology group project! Yeah, I'm sorry I shouted at you for not doing your part on the project, and filing a complaint against you, haha...although, like, come on, it's your fault - you're 25, not a 5 year old bab-"

Blocked.

Wow. You were not liked.

So one evening, when you were on the phone to your childhood friend, Jordan Biggs, and had managed to slip out how desperately broke you were, he kindly offered a potential role at his workplace.

"Shop keeper? What, like a convenience store?" Remind me where you work again? Aren't you in the navy? What stores are you talking about?" You rambled, I mean a possible job - finally?!

On the line, Jordan chuckles, "Slow your roll, man. I've been been with the army for around 3 years now, I'm currently on a mission but we'll be home soon. Our base has a shop, that sells, you know, tactical gear-"

"GUNS?!" You interrupted.

Jordan laughs, then in shushed by, what you assume to be his teammate, "No, not any weapons. Just, tactical gear, MREs, bits and pieces of uniform. Sometimes you might be asked to clean the base, set up rooms for meetings. And ooh my favourite - work at the canteen. We serve the country, you serve us food." Jordan explains.

So you complied.

I mean, yeah, your degree isn't being utilised, but we're in a cost of living crisis, for Christ's sake.

And here you are, clad in a plain dark grey fleece, and straight black trousers, trying to look as professional as possible.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your first day was silent. You found that you lived only 30 minutes away from the base, so you didn't struggle with the early shifts, working almost full days at the base, with a surprising decent salary.

You learnt you had replaced the previous worker, Katherine, a grumpy senior who quit, being fed up with the stench of these sweaty unkempt soldiers, and their rowdy behaviour after missions.

You also met your staff at the base, being the youngest one there gave you no surprise, with most your colleagues being double your age. You liked it. It was quiet, having met a few of the soldiers.

Your role was relatively simple. Consisting of various tasks such as ordering enough food to satisfy the recruits, more training equipment, when a recruit seemed to damage one. All in all, you were satisfied, especially when the first pay day rolled in.

You also noted that your colleagues, without fail, always seem to talk about a specific group of soldiers, such as Friday evening, when you all found yourself eating an early dinner.

"Soap is so sweet! He's always so generous when we talks to me, although I can't lie, I don't know what the fuck he says half the time." Your colleague rambles, shoving a spoon full of Friday's roast dinner into his mouth.

Another agreed, "Nothing beats the dilf of a man - Captain John Price. I may be chewing steak but that ain't the meat I want in my mouth, if you get what I mean-"

You choked, "Margaret, you're married with grand-kids, lord."

After a quiet but much needed conversation, you learnt about the most well-known team within the base, Task Force One-Four-One, lead by Captain John Price, forming of Johnny 'Soap' Mactavish, Kyle 'Gaz' Garrick, and the one you were most curious about - Simon 'Ghost' Riley.

"But like, why Ghost? If he's close to this Soap dude, why not call yourself Shampoo or something?"

Your colleagues laughed at your naivety glancing at each other.

"My dear, I don't dare to call him anything other than Lieutenant. He's entered a 10 metre radius of mine, and I've already pissed myself." One stated.

"I've heard he threatened to attack Katherine, just because she overcharged him, long story short, she quit." Another replied.

It seemed you didn't understand how feared Ghost really was...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

By the time you all had finished dinner, the staff split up, some going back to the canteen to prepare dinners for the soldiers finishing training, some going to clean up the barracks, and you found yourself going back to your designated shop.

Aah, this is peaceful. You mumbled, drinking your hot chocolate, whilst sorting out all the army boots on display.

As the clock strikes 10 p.m. though, the silence is broken and you hear a stampede of soldiers, once you assume had come back from a month long mission. The majority of them, from what you'd heard, sprinted to the canteen to rid themselves of their strictly MRE diet, and finally eat some home cooked food, whilst others ran off to their freshly cleaned barracks to get some well-deserved sleep.

Your little shop also seemed to be quite busy, a long queue waiting to buy water bottles, bandages, blankets, you name it. From nearby chatter from the tired soldiers, it seems most of the teams had arrived back from Afghanistan, a successful mission with no death and a few minor injuries.

An hour goes by and the queue dies down to around 6 people, with one at the till: Jordan.

"So a water bottle, that would be £1.50, payin- my God, Jordan?" You smiled, getting in front of the counter and pulling into a hug. He smelt like dusty and you joked that 1 bottle of water wouldn't suffice to rinse him of the smell.

"I haven't seen you in forever, it's been like 6 months? How's the job been treating you?" He enquiries, placing a kiss against your forehead. By now, the nearly empty shop turns to face the both of you, many assuming the situation to be a couple reuniting.

You and Jordan continue to catch up on everything - his mission, your job...Margaret's obsession with which positions she can take Captain Price in...

"Bro, she was going so in depth into the many ways she can contort her waist for, what she calls, the Price penis?!" You pull your most fake-disgusted face, as Jordan cackles loudly.

But his laugh falls short as a deep scruffy voice interrupts him-

"The only thing being wasted right now, is my time. Hurry the fuck up and pay for your shit. You act like we have all the time in the fucking world."

You jump slightly at the harsh words, although this is a military base, you should be used to this foul language.

"My guy, she said waist, not waste-" Jordan begins, before straightening his back and realising who he was talking to.

He turns around to face the man's voice, his back now turned to you, obstructing your view of the unknown soldier.

"Lie-Lieutenant. My apologies! Lemme grab this water and get out of your way," Jordan nervously chuckles, you can't see who he's talking to, but you can tell this was a man of higher authority, given how Jordan stutters. "Ooh, I see what you wanted to buy! Gloves, nice, socks, cool, Coc-Coco pops?!"

"My fucking God Biggs, the only thing big about you is your stupidity and your pussy attitude, grab your shit and go. Stop holding the fucking line, mate." The male's British accent is so prominent with every word enunciated, and you wish to never run into this stranger again.

"Sir!" Jordan turns to you, handing you a fiver and awkwardly side hugging you, "Have fun with this jerk wad." He whispers into your hair, before running out the shop, his water bottle still on the counter.

"Jordan your bottle-"

Holy shit.

After Jordan moves, your eyes feast before you, revealing a godly 225 lb man, standing at an impressive 1.89 metres, dressed in his dark and intimidating casual attire, his face hidden behind a skeleton mask, his piercing eyes squinted and penetrating into your shorter frame, his biceps bulging out of his sweatshirt, his shoulders broad, his trousers failing to hold his impressive bulg-

"Are you going to continue gawking at me like a fuckin' donkey or should I not pay for this shit?" He huffs out in disappointment.

Rude. Plain rude. Sexy...but rude.

Now you know why Jordan couldn't move a muscle when faced with this guy. Putting 2 to 2 together, you clocked. The way other soldiers left the shop as he entered. The way one look from him gets them to shut up so quickly. The skeleton mask-

This is Ghost.

"We- I- Um-" What the hell? Why can't you form a damn sentence?

"I- I- I don't give a damn. My shit, here." He mocks you, slamming his items on the counter. By now, the other customers have scurried off in fear. It's now you and Ghost in the shop.

You nod, humming a yes, eyebrows furrowing at his unkind words.

The next few moments are followed by near silence, the only sounds being the scanning of the items and your quickening breath. His foot begins tapping rapidly, as sign that you're taking to long.

It's uncomfortabl-

"The old hag before you's gone then."

Yes, Ghost, she is. And if you keep acting like this, I will be too. You grunt a response, unable to find the right words.

"£28.50" You say curtly, after a while. He hums in response, pulling his wallet to pay.

You watch him nervously, you did not expect to see one of the most respected soldiers in front of you so soon. Someone so handsome, someone so fucking sexy, but someone so fucking bitchy...

Oh. You said that last bit out loud.

Ghost pauses his actions, his head slowly craning upwards, his gaze drinking you in.

Your eyes meet his, quickly looking back at the counter, unable to meet his furrowed but amused glare.

"'m so bitchy, but you seem to love it, sweetheart. So red, like you're fucking in love with me or something." He scowls, slapping a £20 note on the counter.

"Maybe next time stopping droolin' over other men when you have your own cunt of a boyfriend." He mutters, before taking his shit and leaving. You don't fail to catch the smirk in his voice, as he exits your shop, loud footsteps booming behind him.

Oh my god.

You were at a loss of words. You were also at a loss of £8.50.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Jordy, you don't fuckin' get it! Dickhead left the place, without paying the full fucking price, mind you." Frustration was evident in your voice.

"Bitchy and broke," Jordan snickers.

"And the audacity to call you my boyfriend? Bye." You huff in annoyance, whilst Jordan chokes on his spit. If anything, he was a like a brother to you!

A week has gone by since that first encounter and your conversations with Jordan at the shop, when he passes by, always seem to end up at the topic of Ghost. The way he glares at you as you walk past him in the corridors. The way he sees you struggling when you carry boxes upon boxes- oh he won't help you, by the way. When you ask, he simply scoffs, "You're getting paid and you don't even want to do your job?"

Since that day, you've met all of the Task Force members. Price was as Margaret mentioned, sexy. Soap, comical, Gaz, kind-hearted, Ghost...yeah, he's there.

"But you don't get it man, he's so big- like over 6 foot! And those eyes- man those eyes. So condescending...but so hot..." you continue.

"Damn Margaret wannabe, we get it." Jordan jokes, drinking his can coke - which he didn't pay for. You'll tell him later.

As you both converse, loud footsteps enter the store.

Ghost. Again.

Did I mention he's been in here every day since the first time?

8 a.m. sharp, the moment you clock in for your shift, and 10 p.m. on the dot. Fucker's so annoying, he'll stay around the shopfloor, lazily looking at the various protein bars, even after you state the shop is already 10 minutes past closing.

But you don't mind. His silently stares at you, as if trying to remember the exact location of every beauty spot on your face, the consequent reddening of your cheeks, the slight touches of his rough callous fingers brushing against your own. All this unspoken tension, leads to your every thought being consumed by Simon Riley.

And when he enters the shop, wow. Buys the most random unnecessary shit ever. You notice how he walks in and purchases his singular Coco Pops cereal bar, day after day. This man isn't sick of them?

I mean, come o-

"Your obsession with me is flattering." He states.

Oh, forgot to mention, he's still an asshole. But at least after rehearsing to yourself in the mirror, you can actually speak up for yourself.

"Guh- buh- we- u-" Fuck's sake.

But he actually laughs this time. A loud imploding chuckle exits his mouth, and you actually smile a little at this unfamiliar emotion.

You can't tell what his face is doing under the mask, but his voice suggests a small smile rests on his face, but it soon disappears before he coughs awkwardly.

"Your boyfriend's in the infirmary by the way." He looks away, emphasising boyfriend a little too roughly.

You stare in confusion. Boyfriend? He picks up on this.

"Biggs. Rolled his ankle or some shit. Dunno why he can't just man it up. I've had worse injuries." He mumbles, smiling under his mark slightly, assuming Jordan isn't in fact your boyfriend.

Your eyes widen, "Jordy? Wha-who-how?"

"He-" But before he can answer your question, you're running out the shop to the infirmary, stealing a snack from the shelf for Jordan.

You fail to notice that you'd left a dejected Ghost at the counter, who'd picked up 2 coco pops instead of 1 this time, his smile faltering, as he planned to give you the 2nd, as a token of apology for his impolite behaviour.

In the end, he realised he'd been holding onto a ghost of a connection, overshadowed by the presence of another man.

He winces, being left alone at the till, hoping to actually strike up a conversation with you, as he gathers his (unpaid) belongings and walks out the door, off to shout at any rando that dares get in his way.

yALL its 2.30 a.m. and i'm craving coco pops-

[peanutpinet]

No Regret - Tsukasa x Fem Reader x Yuta (slight)

Main Pairing: Tsukasa (Hokuto) x Fem Reader

Warnings: fighting, angst, right person wrong universe :')

A/N: hello everyone!! I LIVEEEEE!! Can't believe it's been more than a month since I posted on Tumblr :" work has really taken a toll on me and my mental health ain't really the best but after High & Low The Worst X came out on Netflix, you know I'm binging it and well, when I said binge, I meant I watched all of the H&L film series from "The Story of S.W.O.R.D" till The Worst Cross X (even though not in a good order) and lemme just say. I love Yuta's acting even though he doesn't get much lines but the way he expresses his face is 🤌🏼🤌🏼

Now, while I did enjoy the H&L The Worst films, I honestly much prefer the SWORD era films :') it's just that good. Coming from a film studies person, I like how the SWORD era has like a big plot that is continuous throughout the films (except maybe The Red Rain) and well, though there was closure in the big plot, I would really love to dive deeper into some of the gangs and characters. EHEM Amamiya Kyoudai :))

But anyways, here is my first (yes, girl is gonna make some other one-shots) of the H&L film series; starting with the man that caught my attention, Hokuto aka Tsukasa 🥰

Summary: you and Yuta have been friends long before he went to Korea. When Yuta finally had his acting debut, you were more than thrilled to support your best friend and may or may not fangirl over the other characters. But what happens when you and your best friend actually got to experience the other universe?

“Honestly why do you always get to hang out with the badass good looking guys?” you asked Yuta, your best friend who was staying over at your place and currently rewatching his movie, High & Low The Worst X, together

“Hey. What about me and the neos?!” Yuta scoffed, looking at your direction but you avoided his gaze; especially when your favourite character, Tsukasa showed up

“I mean, you guys are hot, I won’t lie. But look at Tsukasa!! Brains and brawns plus the look?! You have to introduce me to Yoshino-san, please!!!” you rambled as Yuta sighed

“We’ve watched this many times and you always say the same thing. That Tsukasa is the best and I went too hard on him during the fight” Yuta tsked as he turned off the TV

“YUTA!! HEY!! That’s not fair!! Just let me fangirl!!” you argued but Yuta didn’t budge

“C’mon, it’s late and we should really sleep. Plus, Hokuto, Ryoki and Kazuma-kun are coming tomorrow to visit. So, save up your fangirling self for tomorrow when you meet them” Yuta argued

“Hontoni?! They’re really coming?! Crap!! I need to plan out what I’m going to wear and how will I dress tomorrow. Yuta, you’re the best!!” you exclaimed as you jump to hug your best friend

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s just sleep alright. Thank me after you meet them tomorrow. Good night (y/n)” Yuta replied as the two of you went to your respective rooms to sleep

“Tomorrow can’t come any faster” you whispered to yourself as you fell asleep

As much as you wanted tomorrow to come faster, you still want your beauty sleep but unfortunately, you were suddenly woken up by a loud crash. Blinking a few times, you were confused about how you were suddenly outside and on the ground. Was this Yuta’s way of getting revenge on you for neglecting his character? There’s no way. Right?!

What’s even more confusing is that it doesn’t look like your neighbourhood at all. Looking around, you tried to find out where you were and even call out to Yuta. As you got up, another crash occurred, making you fall and worry started to creep up on you.

Rushing back to your feet, you tried to find out the source of the crash and when you took a peak, you noticed that it was Kawamura and Yoshino having a brawl against Yuta and Ryoki. Confused, you shouted at Yuta, telling him if this is how he typically greets his friends but instead of Yuta telling you off, the others suddenly stop fighting and what Kawamura said shocked you.

“Who the hell is Yuta? And do any of you know who this girl is?” Kawamura asked as Yuta slowly approached you and grabbed your wrist, pulling you with him

“She’s a friend of mine dan just came back from abroad. Apologies everyone. I’ll be back later. Fujio, Tsukasa, let’s finish the fight later. Amagai, I’ll catch up with you later” Yuta stated, pulling you along with him, away from everyone else

“Yuta?! W-what on earth?! Why did you call the others by their High & Low characters? Are you guys doing some sort of role-play? Because if you are, this isn’t funny” you commented as Yuta pulled you so that you were standing in front of him; his eyes were cold yet serious and concern

“I don’t know what happened when we were asleep or if is this just part of your imagination but we’re basically in the High & Low world. Those guys don’t know who Yuta is. They only know Ryo Suzaki. As for you, you don’t exist in this world. Well, maybe you do. But not in this country at least. You’re practically a foreigner here” Yuta mentioned, making you laugh

“Very funny Yuta. You and your friends are such good actors. You can cut the cameras and all the staff can come out now” you laughed but no one answered you, making you gulp

“I’m serious (y/n), this isn’t a joke. I woke up earlier than you and immediately, Amagai, Fujio and Tsukasa asked me if I was alright because we were in a middle of a brawl. Lucky enough, they believed me that I didn’t remember because I hit my head” Yuta explained yet you still didn’t believe him

“Look. I don’t know how the both of us got here but want or not, we have to blend in until we can find a way to get back to our own universe. Which means, don’t get overly attached to anyone. Especially when your character doesn’t even exist in the High & Low universe. Got it?” Yuta reminded and you quickly nodded

“You handle them, I’ll go look around and find some sort of clues that might help us” you stated, about to turn around until you heard Tsukasa speak

“Don’t think it’s a good idea for a girl to go around this neighbourhood on her own” Tsukasa stated, making you a bit annoyed

“I think I can handle myself well. Yu—I mean Suzaki has taught me a few things about self-defence. You boys can go back to your brawl since clearly, it’s a boys-only thing” you scoffed, disbelief that Tsukasa would say something like this that you were about to walk away when Fujio suddenly stood in front of you, blocking your way

“What my friend meant is that, while we’re sure that you can probably take care of yourself, it would be better if you were with us. Especially since Suzaki-san mentioned that you were from abroad. It tends to get rough around here” Fujio explained, offering you a smile

“I’m Hanaoka Fujio and my friend there is Takagi Tsukasa” Fujio mentioned, offering you his hand for a shake which you accepted

“(L/N) (Y/N). Please to meet you guys” you stuttered, making Fujio chuckle

Ever since that meeting, you’ve been hanging out with the 4 men more often. Heck, you even got to meet the other boys including Todoroki, the four Housen Killer Cops, Sachio and even the Suzuran house. You got along with all of them which made you happy even if deep down you knew that this was all just temporary. Despite so, you couldn’t understand why Tsukasa seemed colder towards you when everyone has been opening up.

It’s been almost a month since you and Yuta came into this universe but neither of you has stopped searching for clues on how to get back to your own world. Though it wasn’t easy, the both of you managed to gain some information that there was a shaman who could talk to spirits and souls from other dimensions. After some digging, you manage to find where the shaman lives and decided to go there yourself because Yuta had to accompany Amagai for who knows what.

The more you walk on your own, the more worried you become because while you’ve gone around the neighbourhood and met with the other factions, you were still unfamiliar with the deeper parts of the neighbourhood. But you couldn’t back down now. You need answers and as much as you want to hang out with the H&L characters, this wasn’t the way you wanted.

You walked through the forest but right before you could go any deeper, you noticed that several other people were surrounding the area. Not knowing who they were, you hid behind the trees and tried to eye what these people were doing.

What you found out was that these guys were a gang from a rural area of the city which makes them an unknown gang. However, when you got closer, you overheard that this gang was aiming to take down Oya High sometime when the main heads are out of town; which you realised that it could be now because right now the main Oya High leaders like Fujio and Tsukasa were out with Housen, Suzuran and even Senomon.

Though you wanted to go and find the shaman, you knew that you had to go back and warn Yuta and the others about this potential ambush. Without wasting any time, you rushed to go back and find Yuta and the others because who knows where those boys are.

You only managed to get away for a bit before getting startled by a rabbit and tripped, causing suspicion among the unknown gang. While they weren’t looking, you immediately got back up and run away but those gangs were used to the twist and turns of the forest that some managed to caught up to you, surrounding you.

Though you were intimidated, you weren’t going to show any fear to them. Especially when they called Yuta and his friends some nasty names; saying how those guys always have it easy and never understand the actual pain of fighting without any backups or without any good resources like the other schools.

Angered by the comments, you didn’t hesitate to take the first move and punched the life out of some of them. Sure, you weren’t as skillful as Yuta or the others; but you could definitely do some damage and outsmart them.

Unfortunately, when you thought that you outsmarted them, one of them came up from behind you and grabbed you by the ankle, making you fall forward; hard. Though you hit your head quite hard, you still managed to return the favour before getting away from the messed-up scene.

Limping your way back, you tried to hang onto whatever it is that you can hold onto since your whole body felt like it was going to crumble any second now. Right when you just reached the Oya High gate, someone came up behind you that you instinctively tried to slap them but they managed to grab you.

Turns out, one of the gang members managed to sneak away and followed you. Unfortunately, because you had just finished fighting off the others, you barely had enough strength to pull away from this guy and he managed to grab you by the neck to the point where you started to lose your vision but at the same time the grip around your neck loosen and instead, a warm strong grip was around your waist.

“What the hell happened to you?!” you heard Tsukasa’s voice, his voice softer than how he normally talks when he was with you

“T-tsukasa…they, they’re coming. For the school. While everyone is…” you breathed out but your body gave up on you and you practically passed out, Tsukasa’s grip around your body tighten

“Hey, (y/n), what happened? Hey, wake up” Tsukasa mumbled, confused about what he should do especially when you passed out

Knowing that you wouldn’t say anything that you don't mean, Tsukasa called out some of his gang members to keep the guy that hurt you to be tamed while he gets you treated and get some answers from you first. But at the same time, he knew that while this guy was from an unknown gang, he can’t easily brush them off; especially when Fujio was out with other leaders.

Tsukasa made sure that some of the better fighters would guard around just in case if what you said about the school going to be attacked was true. Once he took you to the hospital and got you treated, he texted Fujio to let him and the others know on what happened.

While it seemed like Tsukasa only cared about the school and protecting his gang, he was actually worried about you. Sure, he didn’t have the greatest impression of you since he’s very much wary of any new person in the area; especially when he has never heard of them before. This is why when you first arrived and Yuta introduced you, Tsukasa was the first one that was suspicious of you. Girl or not, if you were a spy or someone that would come to destroy Oya High and SWORD, Tsukasa wouldn’t hesitate to put you down.

But as time passed, the more Tsukasa spied on you, the more he realised that you were truly someone outside of the area and even the country. You didn’t know a lot of things and the things you did know, Tsukasa assumed that it was because Yuta telling you stuff; not because you were from a whole different dimension.

Lately, Tsukasa has been keeping a closer eye on you. Not just to spy on you but also because there was just something about you that interest him. How you somehow managed to get close with the other guys not only in Oya High but also Housen and even Suzuran. Each school has taken a liking to you. Not only that, you just seemed too good to be true in Tsukasa’s eyes.

You weren’t the quiet or reserved kind of person. You were more outgoing and voiced out your opinions a lot. Even when you know that you would be outmatched, you kept going on and that is something that Tsukasa acknowledge about you.

When the nurse told Tsukasa that you were already treated and that you were currently resting. Tsukasa thanked the nurse and went into your room. Seeing you all bandaged angered Tsukasa that he swore he would make that unknown gang pay and even come to their knees to beg you for forgiveness once he was done with them.

Before Tuskasa could get closer to you, his phone rang and the other guys at Oya High told Tsukasa that he was right and some unknown gang was attacking the school. Despite being annoyed that he had to leave you, Tsukasa knew that you would be safer in the hospital.

Arriving back at Oya High, Tsukasa didn’t hesitate to knock some sense into everyone in the unknown gang. Their leader immediately fought head-to-head with Tsukasa which Tsukasa was more than happy to brawl with.

“Were you the one that started the attack on (y/n)?!” Tsukasa demanded, his eyes were sharp and angry at the same time

“Who? Oh, you mean that pesky girl in the forest? No, I didn’t touch her. But maybe I should have. To teach her a lesson and…” the leader spatted but Tsukasa immediately punched the leader. Hard.

“The fuck are you? An animal?!” Tsukasa growled, grabbing the leader by the collar and punching him over and over again to the point that the leader was unconscious, blood was dripping from his nose, mouth and Tsukasa’s knuckles

“Ya!! Tsukasa!!” Tsukasa heard Fujio shout, making the blonde stop

“What the hell happened around here? And why the hell are you beating someone until they’re unconscious?! Since when do you do that?!” Fujio snapped, pulling Tsukasa’s bloody wrist away from the beaten unconscious person under him

“Is it wrong? After what he and his men did to (y/n)?!” Tsukasa snapped back, getting off of the unconscious man and yanked his arm back, Yuta immediately came into the scene with the sound of your name

“What the hell happened to her?!” Yuta demanded

“She’s hospitalised right now. This guy and his entire gang were going to attack our school but somehow, (y/n) found out about it and rushed back to warn us but along the way, she was attacked. Badly. When I found her, one of them nearly choked her to death” Tsukasa explained, the other guys were now silent with the information

Before anyone can utter another word, Tsukasa’s phone rang and it was the nurse from the hospital, telling Tsukasa that you were finally awake and were searching for him. Without any more explanation, Tsukasa turned the phone off and rushed away to the hospital to see you.

Arriving at the hospital, Tsukasa didn’t even pay attention that he was pushing through some of the workers but once he got to your room and saw you sitting on your bed, never has Tsukasa felt this amount of relief. Seeing that Tsukasa was finally here, the nurse decided to give the two of you some privacy and left.

“H-hey, a-are you ok?” Tsukasa stuttered, scratching the back of his head as he took a chair and sat right beside your bed

“I think I should be the one asking you that” you replied, pointing at his bruised and bloody knuckles

“Oh. This. This is nothing” Tsukasa breathed out but you took his hand and a nearby cloth, wiping his bloody hand

“You shouldn’t fight so much. Who did you fight anyways? Were there that many people that attacked Oya High?” you asked, wiping Tsukasa’s hands clean from his own blood

“There were quite a lot but it didn’t matter. What mattered was that you got hurt because you were trying to warn us about the attack” Tsukasa explained but you just chuckled dryly

“Wh-what?” Tsukasa questioned as you put his hand back on the bed

“You never really cared nor did you spare me a glance when we first met. What changed?” you asked. It was Tsukasa’s turn to be nervous

You were right. Tsukasa never paid attention nor seemed to care about your sudden appearance. But he can’t help but be drawn to you. It was as if you were someone that he was looking for but when you were actually in front of him, Tsukasa just malfunctioned. He rarely encounters girls to begin with; let alone is interested in any of them.

“You’re right, this isn’t me. I’m not used to any of this yet nor do I know exactly how I feel but what I do know is that I was a coward. In the beginning, I thought that you were just some random girl that was probably a spy from Kuryu or something. But I spied on you, I realised that you were actually a regular girl that was just lost. I know that we didn’t start off well but if you’re alright to start over. If not, perhaps we can just try and get along, slowly…” Tsukasa replied, his hand making its way back on top of yours, caressing your hand

“Tsukasa…I hope that this isn’t a joke” you mumbled, not wanting to give in just yet

“I promise you that I want to start anew” Tsukasa replied back, intertwining your fingers together

But right when Tsukasa was leaning closer and you completely forgot about how you ended up in this world in the first place, Yuta came and stopped you both from going any further. His eyes were worried but sharp at the same time.

Noticing his glare, Tsukasa knew that Yuta would probably want to talk to you alone. ��You don’t have to answer me now. I’ll wait for you this time. Get better soon alright? Let me know if you need anything” Tsukasa sighed, kissing your knuckles before excusing himself from the room.

Once he was sure that Tsukasa was out of the room, Yuta sat on the chair right by the bed and observed your current state before speaking up. “Where did you go before?” Yuta asked, still trying to process everything that has happened in the past few hours

“I got a lead about this shaman that would know how do we get back to our world. Along the way, I heard about that gang wanting to attack everyone in Oya High” you replied

“Then why didn’t you just go to the Shaman? Oya can take care of themselves. You didn’t have to go all the way back just to warn them. Look where it got you” Yuta cursed, making you jump a bit

“Well I’m sorry that I got attached to all of them. I love them not just as characters but who they are. Being in this world taught me that. I know we’re not supposed to think of this world as our own but the more I stay here and interact with everyone, the more that I care” you admitted, tears starting to build up

“I know. I know (y/n). I slowly also become attached and I guess that has become a problem for both of us. I know how much you adore Tsukasa but you can’t let him get close to you and vice versa. I’ll visit the shaman tomorrow and let you know once I come back. Until then, you have to set up some boundaries between you and the others; especially Tsukasa. Because from what I’ve seen, it seems like he has also grown attached to you in some way” Yuta suggested, holding your hands in his

“I know. I just. I feel bad. Turning down his feelings? Should we just tell them all the truth? Or at least let me go with you to the Shaman since the two of us are the ones that need to go back” you replied

“Fine. We’ll both go to the Shaman and once we got the answer from them, we’ll both go back to the others and tell them the truth” Yuta replied whilst hugging you, comforting you in the process

The next day came sooner than you’d like. You were getting better and luckily enough, the nurse allowed you to be discharged. Yuta helped you get up and the two of you head out as early as possible. Mainly to avoid the other guys.

The two of you walked through the woods you went through the other day and made your way to the Shaman’s place. Once the two of you reached the place, you noticed that the Shaman was doing their daily activities but stopped the moment the two of you stopped right in front of their house.

“Begone you two lost souls” the shaman stated as the two of you stopped in your tracks

“Since you already know who we are, I’ll get straight to the point. How the hell do we get back to our own universe? Clearly, this universe isn’t ours” Yuta blurted out, trying to get close but for some reason it was as if there was an invisible barrier preventing him

“It’s not about how you get back. But about you truly letting go of this universe. All you had to do to get back was find me but it looks like one of you isn’t ready to go back just yet” the Shaman stated, looking at you specifically

“Not just her though. The boy in this universe is also not ready to let her go just yet” the Shaman added on, making the two of you confused

“(y/n)…” Yuta whispered, facing towards you but his gaze was somewhere else

Just as you turned around and followed Yuta’s gaze did you finally understand. Tsukasa and some of the other Oya High students were there along with other guys from Housen, Suzuran and even Senomon High.

“Tsukasa…” you whispered out, tears were finally starting to fall one after the other while Tsukasa looked at both you and Yuta in disbelief

“You lied. All this time. Both of you. We were all foolish to let you both, especially you…” Tsukasa stated, looking deeply into your figure. “I was foolish to think that we could actually connect. That we have some sort of bond” Tsukasa spotted, his words were practically like acupuncture needles but sharper and would prick deeper into your skin

“Tsukasa. Chotto matte kudasai (wait for a moment). Let me explain…” you tried to reason but Tsukasa already turned his back on you

“Go home (y/n). Your actual friends are probably waiting for you. I won’t hold you back. Goodbye (y/n)” Tsukasa stated about to walk away but stopped when you had an outburst

“How the hell am I supposed to go back knowing that you probably hate me?! I can’t go back even more now” you exclaimed, not holding back anymore tears

“That was on you. You knew where you came from. You knew that you didn’t belong here. Yet you still like as if you were part of this world” Tsukasa shouted back, making you flinch since you have never seen him get angry before

“Ya, Tsukasa. Say anything hurtful towards her again, I’ll knock you out again. You think someone can prevent themselves from feeling how they felt?! Don’t say shit like this when you too also felt something” Yuta growled back, making Tsukasa even more pissed off that he went and stood in front of Yuta and faced him

“You also have no say in this, Suzaki. Or whoever you are in his body” Tsukasa spotted but was immediately welcomed by Yuta’s punch

“You can say whatever shit you want about me but not her. You have no fucking idea how hard it was for her to hold herself back. Not to mention the way you first treated her. Yes, perhaps it was wrong of her to get close with the others. But you also didn’t give her a warm welcome, now did you? Yet yesterday you seemed to be the most fired up when she was hurt and now you’re saying as if her feelings weren’t valid at all” Yuta argued, throwing punches and kicks at Tsukasa which turned the whole meeting into an actual fight

The two didn’t back down for even just a breather. Yuta would throw punches whereas Tsukasa would dodge them and try to hit back. You were sick and tired of all this fighting which happened because of you that you decided that you should put an end to it but right when you were interrupting them, Tsukasa accidentally hit your side and you stumbled and fall, holding your sides while coughing out.

The second Tsukasa hit you, Yuta instinctively grabbed you as all the others that were there went to see if you were alright. Despite you and Yuta somewhat deceiving everyone, they all still cared about the two of you. Fujio especially held Tsukasa back and smacked his friend for what he had just done.

“YA!!! Wake up Tsukasa!! Do you not realise what you’re doing?!” Fujio shouted at his friend, punching him that Tsukasa was now on the ground yet his eyes never leaving your sight

“Ryo was right. You didn’t even consider how she must’ve felt. She’s not completely at fault. You were the one that told me that you also caught feelings yet now it seemed like you’re blaming it all on her? Look at where that anger brought you!!” Fujio rambled, gripping his hair out of frustration of his own friend

“Fujio!!!” Yuta shouted at the leader of Oya, grabbing everyone’s attention. “We’ll stay here. It’s best that the two of us distance ourselves from everyone. Especially (y/n). At least let me take care of her first before I explain everything to you all. I owe you all that” Yuta stated as Fujio nodded as a sign of acknowledgement

Thankfully, the Shaman allowed both Yuta and you to stay at their place, saying that it would be easier for the two; especially when the two are ready to go back to their own universe. Once Yuta helped you, he told you to rest and to figure out your own feelings as he was going to explain to the others what actually happened.

“I should go too. It’s not just you. I was the one who was most at fault” you mumbled, making Yuta sit back down beside you

“We all make mistakes (y/n). But don’t you ever think for a second that your feelings were not valid. If Tsukasa can’t man up and understand then he doesn’t deserve your feelings. I’m also just going to tell them about what actually is happening so that they would hopefully understand” Yuta replied back, tucking you in bed

“Yuta…” you breathed out, holding his hand, Yuta turned to wait for your statement. “Thank you. When we get back, I think I owe you that omakase dinner you wanted” you chuckled, making Yuta smile

“I look forward to it. I’ll be back” Yuta replied, patting your head then left to explain to the others who were waiting outside of the Shaman’s house

“Honestly, I didn’t expect that all of you would still be here” Yuta stated, putting his hands in the pocket of his pants

“We all wanted to know the truth. After then will we decide” Fujio stated as the others agreed

Yuta then told everyone the truth. How he and you were not from this universe and instead in a universe where he and most of the other High and Low characters are singers; which clearly shocked everyone. In addition, Yuta also told them all that in their universe, you were a close friend of his and was also a fan of everyone in the High & Low universe.

“So basically, all of us have an alternate self in your universe and even if you guys go back, there will be another us over there?” Fujio asked excitedly, making Yuta giggle

“Yes. There are you guys in our universe as well. But I will say this Tsukasa. Even if there is another you in our universe. (y/n) already had an attachment with you as a character but now I guess it’s safe to say that she truly has an attachment with you and even if she has to let everything that has happened here go, she will still have some sort of attachment towards you but not just as a character but an actual person” Yuta explained, silence immediately filled the air

It was when Yuta explained to Tsukasa did he realise that you clearly had more to lose since once you go back, you will have to continue with the fact that all of this might just seem like a dream since in your world, everyone in this world is basically fiction. Knowing that he doesn’t have much time left with you, Tsukasa just wanted to have one final conversation with you. To hopefully bring closure to the both of you before you both part ways. And hopefully not have any regrets when you two actually part ways.

“Hey…How are you feeling?” Tsukasa softly whispered, noticing that you were wide awake and sitting on the bed

“Hey…Am better now. Now I know why they call you the sleeping lion” you joked as Tsukasa went to sit next to you

“About what happened. I’m sorry. I really am. I was just mad about the sudden discovery that all I think about was if you hadn’t been so close to everyone, it wouldn’t be that hard to let go. But after what Ryo, I mean, Yuta said, I tried to see it from your shoes and I’m sorry. I just hope that we can have some closure and well” Tsukasa rambled, stuttering with his words, especially with the next words that he’s going to say. “I do like you too and I know this might seem a bad timing since you want to go back to your own universe but I just feel the need to say it because I don’t want to have any regrets. I know that it might be hard during the first few times after you leave but at least I won’t have any regrets. At least, I’m happy to be able to be honest with you about how I’ve felt” Tsukasa admitted as he held your hand in his

“Tsukasa…” you teared up, slightly hitting his chest while he hugged you, stroking your hair. “You really have one of the worst timing ever” you tried to joke as Tsukasa sighed in relief, holding you closer to him

As you slowly opened your eyes, you scanned your surroundings and found yourself back at Yuta’s apartment. Looking at your phone, you noticed that not much time passed back in your universe.

Sighing, you got up and found Yuta asleep on the floor. You shook Yuta a few times until he finally woke up. Chuckled at his current state, you told him that you were going to make breakfast which Yuta thank you for and hit the shower.

As you made breakfast, the doorbell to Yuta’s apartment rang. Quickly, you turned off the stove and headed to see who it was. To your surprise, it was Ryoki, Kazuma and Hokuto, all in their casual wear but presentable enough just like when you were in high school about to hang out at your friend’s place.

“Hi. Sorry, did we come at a wrong time?” Kazuma asked politely which you shake your head, reassuring them that they didn’t and invited them into the house

“Hey (y/n), who is…Oh, hi guys” Yuta stated, making his appearance as he was also dressed. “Ahh right. This is (y/n), my best friend since before I moved to Korea. (y/n), this is Kazuma, Hokuto and Ryoki. Well, she knows all of you because she’s a fan of the High & Low movies. Plus, she’s a big fan of Tsukasa” Yuta blurted, making you blush and hit his bicep playfully, trying to hide your shyness as the other 3 male in front of you giggle

“Well (y/n). Pleased to meet you and thank you for being a fan. I think we’ll get along pretty well” Hokuto exclaimed, giving you one of the biggest smile you’ve seen him do

A/N: yeap, this almost 6k fic took me practically a month to write :') Anyways, I hope that you guys enjoy it and wow, it's been 3 years since I'm on Tumblr. What a ride it is and don't worry, I don't plan on stopping soon. I just hope that everyone who has similar interest as I do can enjoy the stories that I put out

Also, if anyone wants to ramble about the H&L universe (ehem, Amamiya brothers), please don't be scared to talk to me or send me a message or even a request because I'd be happy to do some H&L fanfics as I have not seen much of it :') Alright, I need to sleep (as of writing this). Thank you all for reading and sticking by for the past 3 years or so. Stay safe and may you always be happy :) xoxo Vinet

[buckys-other-punk]

Hold on..THIS IS YOU?!

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Request: where she is a fanfic writer and Sebastian stumbles upon her blog and messaged her as well not letting her know who he was but being an open person she is as to who she was, sending pictures and all, and until one day, decides to meet with her and she is surprised that it was the one she was writing for?

Word Count: 3.6K

Warnings: fluff, sarcasm (of course) and cussing? i think that’s all

A/N: Hello my lovelies. I am sorry I haven’t been posting as much, but that’s usually how I roll..no jk I legit had no time to write because of my classes this semester, so if this sucks I’m sorry lol. I’m still trying to get back into my writing groove...Also don’t mind my minor mistakes 😅

A/N 2: Anyways I AM BACK AND this is my first request ever!! I’m so excited to write this, I am soo sorry this took forever, but hope I did your request justice and that you like it (and so do others). I feel like I wrote this kinda cheesy, but whatever.

[Y/B/N = your blog name]

As always lemme know if you wanna be tagged in my future works and feedback is very much appreciated. Enjoy! <3

Just another normal day without stress and a less anxiety filled world...no, today was actually awful. You were swamped with work and your best friend was complaining about her boyfriend. Let’s just say that the stress she was having with him was making you feel happy that you were single. Trying to relax you heated up some coffee (a/n: or tea) and sat on the couch of your small apartment. Grabbing your laptop you wanted to unwind reading. Probably some fanfics on Tumblr usually does the trick. 

After reading some pretty good marvel related fics by your mutuals, you got inspired to write some fics yourself. Opening up a new tab you began writing about your favorite actor, Sebastian Stan. That man literally makes your miserable day a little better. Sadly, like all the girls and women who fantasize over him, he doesn’t know you. But, whatever right? You can always use your imagination and conjure up a make believe world where the two of you are happily engaged and have a German Shepard puppy named Stitch. Shaking your head to clear your thoughts, you opened another tab on your laptop to pull up your writing playlist, you began typing away on your keyboard writing a new AU where you’re the celebrity of the world you were creating and he was a huge fan of you. After you finished your new fic, you posted that immediately without edits because you were so excited to see people read it.

*across town*

“Have you guys ever read any fanfiction about your characters or yourselves?” the interviewer asked the pair.

“You know I’ve seen a few that were quite impressive. These writers are damn creative.” Anthony replied with a smile. “I will also not lie. I’ve read a few steamy ones and y’all are dirty.” he added with a slight disgusted face shaking his head towards the camera.

“What about you Sebastian? Have you read any?” the interviewer lady asked, looking over to the man.

“Honestly. I haven’t.” Sebastian chuckled looking back at her. “Maybe, if Mackie here finds a good one about me I’ll give it a read.” shrugging towards his friend.

“Oh man, I got a few that are worth reading.” Mackie laughed, rubbing his hands together.

“Hey, might as well share them with the world. Let’s give that writer a shout out!” she exclaimed, placing her notecards on her lap.

“Well, like I’ve said I’ve only read a bit, but I do have some blogs that I’ve saved. Maybe next time I’ll name drop a few and give fans some well deserved praise.” Anthony smiled looking at the two.

“Alright, well you better have a huge list for me.” the lady said with a smile looking at Anthony. “Thank you both again for your time. For everyone watching Falcon and the Winter Soldier comes out in March 2021.” She finished off the interview smiling and waving at the camera and the two men followed her actions as well. Once the cameras and mics were turned off the lady came back to the two men.

“Thank you again guys for your time” the lady said to the pair shaking their hands (a/n: ok let's pretend there is no corona in this world so yeah. Everyone is healthy and so is the world!). The two replied with a simple you’re welcome and another thanks in return.

“Wait, have you really read fanfiction before?” Sebastian asked his co-star as the pair walked towards their manager, who was waiting for them outside the room, getting their schedule for the pair’s next interview.

“I mean yeah. I got curious on what people were writing about us and our characters.” Anthony responded with a shrug looking down at his phone.

“Aren’t most of those like fifty shades of grey?” Sebastian asked, staring at his friend as stood near their manager.

“Only if you want them to be..” Mackie stared at his friend with a blank face as they came to an abrupt stop. “Nah man, I’m just playing. Some of them are steamy, others can be sad, like crazy sad and some are like tooth rotting cute. Like I recently read one that was with Captain America and this original character that the author came up with and it made me say ‘aww’ when I finished it. Me. A grown man said ‘aww’ after reading a fanfic. A FANFIC!” he added. Their manager quickly explained their schedule and walked them over to their car to head off to the next location. The two were seated at the back, while their manager sat next to the driver.

“You know what. Send me that story you read.” Sebastian said to Anthony.

“Are you sure Seb?” Anthony asked with a chuckle.

“Yeah, why not.” he replied with a shrug. “Might as well read a good story before our next interview.”

“Alright let me send it to you right now. Honestly I think this writer is one of my favorites. I don’t know if it's her writing style or how she portrays our characters, but she’s amazing.” Mackie said with a smile getting the fic he recently read and sending it to his friend. 

“So all her stories are good?” Sebastian asked, looking at the notification.

“I just said that she is my favorite writer.” Anthony looked at his friend with a ‘are you serious face.’ 

“Okay. Okay.” Seb said with his arms up in defense. After a few minutes of reading the fanfic Sebastian actually said ‘aww’ aloud just like Mackie after he first read the story.

“It was good wasn’t it.” Anthony asked with a toothy grin.

“Yeah this was really good. Y/B/N is a pretty good writer.” Sebastian said looking through your feed.

“You should tell her!” Anthony exclaimed.

“What, like make an account?” Seb asked.

“Well yeah, but I mean not your actual name of course. Make a fan account. Show these writers your appreciation, I know that if I were an author I would love that (a/n: wink wink). I’ve messaged a few writers complimenting their work without actually telling them who I am.” Anthony said, placing his hand on his friend’s shoulder.

“I’m gonna read more stuff from her before I message her.” Sebastian chuckled. Sebastian clicked onto your main blog page to find that you had just posted a new fic about him. “Wait, dude she just posted a new story...About me!” Sebastian exclaimed, showing his phone to Anthony. 

“Nice, but we have to finish these interviews. You gotta read it during your free time man, sorry to crush your dreams.” he chuckled, unbuckling his seat belt and getting out of the car. Sebastian sighed and followed his co-stars actions getting out of the car and continuing the rest of his day filled with interviews.

*later that evening*

After the interviews Anthony and Sebastian had dinner together at a fancy restaurant. During their dinner they talked about how crazy some interviews were. Sebastian brought up the subject of how Mackie publicly announced that he had read fanfiction. With that still stuck in his mind the two finished their meal and after parting ways. Sebastian took a cab and arrived at his apartment, changed out of his fancy suit to some comfy clothes and grabbed a bottle of water from his fridge. He walked over to his couch turning on the tv, not really paying attention to what was playing, grabbing his phone he opened the tumblr app finally creating an account.

*one week later*

Sebastian has read almost all of your works and texting Anthony almost every time after he has finished a new fic giving his reactions to each. He has liked and reblogged everything he has read from you and other writers, but he favors your stuff the most.

Mackie: dude you should tell her you like her stuff and stop texting me!

Seb: Alright I will, I just don't know what to say.

Mackie: Just say you like her work. It's as simple as that.

Seb: okay okay I will

Mackie: ok good, no stop texting my its legit 2 am

Seb: fine

Sebastian opened up the messaging area of the app and began typing away his appreciation to you. He didn’t know why he felt so nervous after he pressed send. Getting out of the app completely he tried to focus on whatever was playing on the tv. Then all of a sudden he heard a notification go off and his phone light up. Looking down on it he saw that it was a notification from you. Again his nervousness took place as he unlocked his phone to read the notification. The app opened and the direct message filled his phone screen.

(a/n: this is my first time using a fake dm thingy so just imagine that Seb is following you)

Seb: Holy shit dude, she actually replied back to me!

Mackie: Well of course she did, she's not a robot. But maybe she is since she’s up so late...

Seb: shut up and why are you still up? I though you were mad at me for texting you

Mackie: well you woke me up so what am i supposed to do

Seb: whatever I’ll let you go

Mackie: alright. bye lover boy 

Sebastian shook his head at the text, he went back to the app to reply back to you. “What should I say?” he said to himself. “Maybe she’s in a different time zone or lives across the world or something… Okay okay. Maybe be chill and say I hope i didn’t wake you? No that sounds weird.” he shook his head trying to come up with something to say. Eventually he fell asleep trying to think of what to say to you.

*the next morning/later that day*

Sebastian woke up with his phone gone from his hand. He quickly got out of his bed in panic to look for it. Maybe you had said something to him or he had said something dumb to you. Once he found his phone he quickly unlocked it to check and thank god he didn’t say anything stupid. But he didn’t say anything. He shook his head clearing his thoughts. “Alright I think I know what to say.”

Y/N’s POV

You woke up to the sound of cars honking, groaning you looked at your clock. “How is it already 10 am?” you said aloud to nobody in particular. You sat up on your bed and grabbed your phone scrolling through various social media apps. At the top of your screen you saw a notification from tumblr. Opening the app to the notifications section, you noticed it was a blog that had messaged you from earlier in the morning.

sebstan_fan: Nice to meet you Y/N. I’m Carter. I don’t know where you live, but I just woke up and had a dream about one of your fics. (wow I hope that didn’t sound creepy)

You smiled at the message, since you loved interacting with your followers.

y/b/n: haha its ok. I actually live near New York City and I also woke up. What was your dream about? (if i can ask)

Sebastian’s POV

Sebastian had just finished taking a shower and began preparing his late breakfast. “Holy shit she replied again!” he said to himself looking at the message.

sebstan_fan: Wait, you live near NYC! Me too! Wow such a small world. But anyways my dream was honestly just a reenactment of your fic.

y/b/n: that’s so crazy how we live near each other lol. But that's so cool how you dreamt about my work. You must have really liked it.

sebstan_fan: yeah it was really interesting how you wrote such a life like scenario.

y/b/n: thank you Carter <3

sebstan_fan: ok I now this is random, but what’s your favorite place to eat in New York?

y/b/n: ooh that’s tough. Let’s go with Lombardi’s since its the very first pizza place to open in the US

sebstan_fan: oh wow an excellent choice :)

*a couple weeks later*

You and your new tumblr friend have been talking about one another’s favorite hobbies and interests for the past few weeks. You feel like you have grown a new connection with your new friend and telling them about your shitty days at work. Today your best friend wanted to bring you with her and her boyfriend to some fancy restaurant. 

y/b/n: Carter, I’m practically third wheeling with her and her boyfriend. 

sebstan_fan: well that sounds awful. Where is she taking you?

y/b/n: idk to some fancy restaurant I’ve never heard of. Anyways she’s making me wear fancy clothes, but I just wanna wear my pajamas!

sebstan_fan: y/n come on. you gotta dress nice if other people are dressing nice too 

y/b/n: ughh ok I think I found something nice. *sends picture of yourself in an elegant dress* what about this?

Seb’s POV

Sebastian got a glass of water and sat back down on his couch. Unlocking his phone to see the new dm from you he spit his water out of his mouth wetting the coffee table in front of him. “HOLY SHIT SHE’S GORGEOUS!” he yelled aloud staring at his phone in awe of your beauty.

sebstan_fan: Y/N, you look amazing! That dress is literally making you glow!

y/b/n: stop you’re making me blush..my friend just pulled up. I’ll dm you later once this stupid night is over. 

sebstan_fan: alright have fun 

y/b/n: <3

Sebastian quickly called Mackie to tell him that you sent him a photo of yourself. 

“Dude, she is unbelievably gorgeous. I actually spit my water out all over my coffee table when I saw the picture. ” Sebastian said on the phone.

“Man you are so obsessed with her, it's kinda creepy.” Anthony replied through the phone.

“What? No man, we just clicked. We have a bunch in common and she’s really easy to talk to.” Sebastian gushed to his friend.

“Yeah, but she doesn’t know that you’re lying to her about your real identity. You’re like fucking Superman with a secret persona!” Anthony snickered at the man on the other line.

“Dude no, but I’ll tell her eventually that I’m me.” Seb replied back to Anthony.

“Well you better do it soon because I’m tired of hearing about you gushing over this woman.” Anthony huffed under his breath. “Anyways I gotta go so bye bitch.” 

Sebastian laughed at his friend hanging up the phone and heading to his room getting ready for bed. As he laid on his bed he couldn’t take his mind off of you in that dress. You were so open with sharing your life to him, a complete stranger, yet he couldn’t do the same.

*the next day*

y/b/n: Carter! I forgot to dm you once I got home, but that dinner was terrible. I hated every minute of it.

sebstan_fan: what happened? Also good morning :)

y/b/n: good morning, sorry if I woke you. But anyways my best friend and her boyfriend brought some dude to make it a double date and the guy was a complete douche. I couldn’t stand a minute being there.

sebstan_fan: damn I’m sorry to hear that. I bet if I was there with you the night wouldn’t have been so bad haha

y/b/n: creepy..jk But I bet we would have completely ditched my friend and her boyfriend lol

sebstan_fan: wait, I got an idea! I mean since we live around the same area why don’t we meet!

y/b/n: what like in person?

sebstan_fan: no through zoom, yes in person!

y/b/n: wow the sarcasm in this one, but that sounds like a lovely idea. I feel like I already know so much about you tho...

Sebastian huffed under his breath, “not everything.”

sebstan_fan: lol yeah but it’ll be different to meet in person. Anyways where should we meet?

y/b/n: lol that’s true. Well I know this small cafe that’s so cute and I heard they have pretty good pastries. It would be awesome to meet there :D

sebstan_fan: alright how about Saturday afternoon? You don’t have work right?

y/b/n: nope I’m off! but that sounds good to me! I’m so excited and nervous at the same time. Like what if you’re some creepy stalker...

Sebstan_fan: why would you accuse me of such a thing?!

y/b/n: lol you know i’m just messing with you. But I gotta go my friend is now calling me, probably about that douche from last night...but I can’t wait to see you Carter!<3

“Yeah, me too.” Sebastian said to himself smiling.

*Saturday*

You sat at the cafe where you told your new tumblr friend to meet you. You ordered a drink and once it was finished, you grabbed it and sat near the windows saving a seat for Carter. As you waited you pulled out your laptop and began on typing away a new fic idea drawing inspiration from the small cafe and the gloomy weather outside. 

“I’m sorry that seat’s taken...” you muttered to a man who pulled out the chain next to you, looking up at the figure. “Holy shit!” you exclaimed to the man who sat next to you.

“Shhhh...Please don’t say anything.” Sebastian whispered to you, sitting on the chair next to you and taking off his sunglasses.

“What? But how? You’re!? I can’t breathe.” you exclaimed erratically looking down at your drink.

“Hey, hey Y/N, just calm down and take slow deep breaths.” he said calmly placing his hand on your back.

“How the fuck do you know my name?!” you exclaimed again staring wide eyed at the actor. “Am I getting pranked or something? Where are the cameras?!” you nervously laughed looking around the empty cafe.

“No, you’re not getting pranked. It’s me Carter…” he said quietly rubbing the back of his head.

“You’re Carter?! I thought you were a girl!” you said looking into the man’s blue eyes.

“I may have lied about who I was, but I wanted to meet you.” he started as he stared down at the ground. “I didn’t want you to freak out knowing that it was actually me.” he said looking back up at you.

“Let me just gather my thoughts for a sec.” you said, putting your hand to your temples.

“Wait, why did you assume I was a girl?” he asked with a smirk.

“I don’t know! Carter is a unisex name.” you frantically said with a shrug. “And I mean most of my followers are female, so I just assumed you were one too.” you added grabbing your drink and taking a sip to calm your nerves.

“That makes sense I guess.” he said chuckling, looking out the big window of the cafe.

“This is so crazy that you are here. Sitting next to me and talking about my stupid tumblr blog.” you uttered. “Like you’re famous!”

“Yeah so what.” he looked back to you. 

“I mean aren’t you busy filming and stuff?” you asked the man.

“Nope, we just wrapped up the interviews a couple of weeks ago. I’m on vacation.” he said with a toothy grin, which made you blush. “Aww look she’s blushing.” he said sweetly towards you.

“Shut up. It’s not like I get to meet my favorite actor who I’ve had a crush on since forever sitting next to me and casually conversing with.” you muttered quickly hoping he didn’t hear your profession of love for him.

“You got a crush on me?” he smiled at you.

“Fuck you. I do not!” you exclaimed looking away from him.

“Aww I think you do.” he said, nudging your shoulder.

“Whatever.” you said under your breath trying to hide your embarrassment.

“Hey, I’m in awe too.” he began, which made you look at him. “It’s not like I get to see a beautiful woman who I like.” he smirked at you.

“I think I’m dreaming. Did you just say you like me?!” you asked pinching yourself back into reality.

“I mean yeah. I really like your work as a writer and the past what month we’ve been talking I think you’re a really cool and sweet person.” he said now blushing. 

“I bet you say that to all the women you meet.” scoffing at his comment.

“No I’m serious Y/N. I think you’re a really talented writer. And I think you’re also really pretty.” again blushing, but this time he looked straight at you.

“Oh, wow. Thank you so much Sebastian.” you hesitated, your cheeks heating up. “That means a lot coming from you.” you smiled.

“Of course. And also I wanted to ask you in person if after coming clear about who I actually am, if you wanted to go out sometime. I know its weird and all sudden but-”

“Yes!” you exclaimed quickly cutting him off. “I mean. I would love to.” you said more calmly. “God, I’m trying so hard to keep my inner fangirl in.” you huffed under your breath. 

Sebastian laughed at your comment and then asked, “Alright then. What about tomorrow I take you out for dinner?” 

“That sounds delightful.” you smiled at the man. The two of you fell silent watching the people who passed by the small cafe.

“Oh, but can I ask you one more question? Why are you wearing a hat? And shades earlier? It's legit rainy and cloudy as hell outside.” you asked, looking at the man with your head resting on your hand.

“I’m going incognito. I don’t want my fans to recognize me.” he replied, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Are you embarrassed of them seeing you with me?” you hesitantly interrogated.

“No, I just don't want them to interrupt our first date.” he responded with a smirk looking at you.

“Wait, this is a date?!” you exclaimed with wide eyes.

“Only if you want it to be sweetheart.” Sebastian smirked, winking towards you.

“Fuck you.” You said with a smile.

A/N: Yay you finished! Was that good? bad? cheesy? lemme know lol Again if you wanna be tagged in future fics, have any requests or just wanna chat hit me up! Thank you guys for reading and I hope you get excited for more stuff to come.

Tags: @lostinthoughtsandfeelings @sebtheromanianprince​ @aquabrie @who-the-hell-is-sebastianstan​ @princess76179​ @anbrax5553​ @wintersoldierissucharide @caplanbuckybarnes​ @miraclesoflove​ @kitkatd7 @msgreenverse @saiyanprincessswanie​ @fandomsandxfiles @hailmary-yramliah @coffeebooksandfandom​ @thefallenbibliophilequote

^please lemme know if you wanna be added to future works or removed for tags^

[piracytheorist]

A Kiss for Good Luck (8/15)

Summary: So this is the story of one born lucky, and one born unlucky. Fate will keep making them cross paths, but is it to bring them together, or to test them? Captain Swan AU.

A/N: This will hurt. I am sorry.

Rating: T (make sure you’re okay with the warnings on AO3) Warnings: This chapter contains character death, some depictions of violence, depictions of poor and unhealthy coping mechanisms, as well as a toxic relationship. Any intercourse and physical touch in general is fully consensual, but emotionally the relationship may appear upsetting to some. Also there are some elements that may resemble emotional self-harm.

Word count for this chapter: 4k (48k in total) AO3

Read from the beginning: Tumblr | AO3

~

Chapter 8: Killian Jones, October 19th 2011 – October 24th 2015

The kiss is deeper than he expected. Killian pushes the woman back, but gently. He was the one who gave her permission to kiss him, after all.

"I thought it would be a quick kiss. I have a girlfriend."

Her brows are going wild. "Shit. Sorry."

He's so stupid. What would Milah think? "'Salright. Go pee."

"Yes. That,” she slurs. “Thank you again."

Just as the woman closes the bathroom door behind her, Milah appears above him.

“You okay?” she says.

He looks at her confused, before he realizes it's not that normal to sit on the floor while at a club. “Yeah,” he says. “Just very, very drunk.”

She gives him her hand, he takes it, then she starts pulling at him. “Let's go outside for some air. There's too much smoke in here.”

“I wanna pee!”

She drags him up. “You can pee outside! Let's go!”

It feels better outside. The cool, clean air wakes him up a bit.

Milah throws her arms around Killian's neck and pulls him to lean his forehead on hers. He smells the martini in her breath, landing hot against his lips.

He closes his eyes. He could stay like this forever, and how he wishes this moment lasted that long...

“How sweet,” a sharp voice says from the side.

They turn together to see Gold staring at them, his hands crossed on the handle of his cane. There's two big guys flanking him, and Killian pulls Milah aside, stepping in front of her.

“What do you want?” Killian says.

“I did wait,” Gold says. “I held back, let you take my wife away from me.”

“Shut up,” Milah says, moving to Killian's side. “Our marriage was over long before I met Killian.”

Gold looks at her, hand grabbing the cane hard.

“You... you followed us here?” Milah says, suddenly realizing. “What the hell? Where's Jack?”

“You have no right to ask about him,” Gold says and takes a brisk step forward. “You went against my conditions for meeting him. You brought that bastard with you!”

Milah flinches, and Killian's left hand grabs onto hers.

“And you?” Gold looks at him. “Going behind my back to take my son on your side? Trying to buy his love?” His face seems to barely contain his rage as he reaches into his jacket and pulls out a handgun.

Killian's hand squeezes Milah's as his other one raises up in defense. “Whoa, Gold, wait-”

Gold shoots.

Though Killian’s ears are ringing from the exploding sound, he hears Milah's trembling sigh. It feels like it's hours later that he turns to look at her, eyes going straight for the growing red spot on her chest.

And then she's falling.

“No,” he whispers and holds her, gently breaking her fall.

Her eyes are moving wildly, then she coughs and a thin trail of blood runs from the corner of her lips.

“No, no. Milah...”

She focuses on him. “I love you,” she whispers. She gasps one last time, then she's limp in his arms.

It's like even more hours pass. He feels her hot blood staining his hands.

Her eyes are closed. She's not breathing. Only her blood moves, dripping out of her body even though her heart has stopped beating.

“No,” he says.

He hears the tapping sound of a cane, and he looks up to see Gold standing above him, gun aimed at him. His henchmen also aim their handguns at him.

“What are you waiting for?” Killian says. “Finish it.”

What else can he say? It's not as if he'd leave him to tell the tale.

“Oh, no. You won't be so lucky,” Gold says, but he doesn't move.

Killian manages to hold himself back only long enough to set Milah down gently, then he lunges at Gold, grabbing the gun.

It all happens in half a second.

Gold shoots, Killian's ears are ringing again, and he sees two fingers fly off in a sudden fountain of blood.

He drops down to his knees. His left hand hangs limp in a way no hand should. The thumb and index finger are missing, and there's a gaping crescent hole, starting under his middle finger and reaching to the middle of his wrist.

The pain hits him suddenly and a scream erupts from his throat.

His vision comes and goes; one moment Gold is standing above him, the next Killian is leaning over Milah, the blood spilling from his hand onto her unmoving body.

There's more people screaming; people shouting; sirens, blue and red lights...

Then white. So much white.

Killian is just three days younger of twenty-eight when he once again thinks how he's cursed.

Milah is dead, there is no doubt about that. His hand was amputated, and he has to spend a whole week in the hospital before the doctors clear him for a transatlantic flight.

In the meantime he learns that Milah's body was sent back to England, per Gold's request.

At first, he finds it impossible; but the cops who'd questioned him about the assault soon inform him that Gold has solid alibi in London at the time of the murder.

Killian almost shuts down in the week he has to spend in there; Gold must have stolen Killian's phone before fleeing the scene of the crime, and Killian has no way of contacting Nemo, and he didn't let him know the specifics of his trip in the first place, like when exactly his return trip would’ve been.

If Nemo had known, he would have worried after not getting any news from Killian the day he was supposed to return. He would have contacted hospitals, would have found out about the assault. Probably would even honor Killian's request to attend Milah's funeral in his place, if Killian had the guts to actually ask him for that.

And to top it all, Nemo's phone at home is out of order. Why didn't he ever bother memorizing his cell phone? Now all Killian can do is lie in his hospital bed and do his damnedest to avoid looking at where his left hand is no more.

The blasted week goes by; Killian spends the rest of his savings into a new return trip, the only one he can afford has two stops in between.

He's dead tired, hungry, with fresh dog crap under his sole, and somehow he's not surprised to see his apartment has flooded.

It's three in the morning and he contemplates walking through the ankle-deep water anyway and collapsing in his bed.

He stands so long in front of the open door of his apartment that eventually the downstairs neighbor comes to complain about water dripping into his place.

One call to the fire department later, Killian picks up his two bags – he didn't have the heart to throw Milah's stuff away – and takes a taxi to Nemo's place.

Nemo obviously got out of bed to let Killian in, and of course, he asks Killian what happened.

It's like he's seventeen again, unable to react to one of the most life-changing news he ever received, only the opposite, in the most grim way that he never dared imagine.

He's hiding his handless arm inside his jacket pocket and silently walks the stairs up to his old bedroom. He doesn't answer Nemo's questions next morning, he doesn't even sit down to get breakfast. He goes straight to the lawyer Milah had during her divorce.

Gold is paying people to give false testimony, and Killian is gonna take him down.

Too consumed in his own hatred for the man, the whole week he spent planning his comeback he didn't think of the problems the lawyer is listing now; Killian was drunk – as evidenced by hospital records – enough for his testimony to be considered debatable; he also has motive to want to get back at Gold, stronger than Gold's motive to kill his unfaithful wife three whole years post their divorce which concluded in his favour; and of course, one has to prove first that Gold's witnesses are lying before questioning Gold's alibi of more than five thousand kilometers away from the scene of the crime.

Killian doesn't return to Nemo's place. His own apartment stinks, damp and moldy, half of his furniture and appliances were ruined, but at least his bed is functioning, and he can't deal with Nemo's sympathy right now.

He needs to take Gold down. He can't have any more distractions.

It takes him a month to remember his therapist. He checks his emails for the first time since the assault, and he feels he loses another part of him at the news of his therapist moving towns to study for a doctorate; she's suggested other therapists at him, followed by two more emails of asking if everything is okay, then nothing.

Killian looks at the names and phones of the suggested therapists as if they're threats to his consciousness. He actually laughs. Dr. Eriksen had him since before he was even an adult and she knew everything about his fucked-up adolescence. Where would he even begin with someone new?

He deletes the email.

For two years, his whole life centers around finding weak spots in Gold's armour. He quits from Shakespeare's boat rental and works at stock in the harbor. It's a tough, time-consuming job, but it keeps him in view of the sea and gets his mind off his pain. Alcohol takes over that job in his time off.

He stops drawing; Milah used to draw with him and it nearly breaks him to pick up a pencil to sketch. The last thing he sketches is the design for the tattoo with her name on it that is soon permanently inked on his arm.

Two years of trying, as much as his exhausted psyche and a mind always leaning towards booze can handle, and the best he manages is to break into Gold's house, hack through his computer and locate some suspicious activity between Gold's bank account and the one of one of his witnesses.

Thirteen years of no spots in his criminal record mean nothing to the law when there are spots in it in the first place, and he's arrested for breaking and entering.

Nemo responds to Killian's call to bail him out, even though Killian has barely spoken to him in two years. However, the disappointment is, for the first time since Killian met him, visible on his face.

“It's your decision,” Nemo tells him after Killian is out. “Your path to choose, and your life to ruin.”

If it were anyone else, Killian would be flipping him off. But Nemo is the one who took Killian in as an assortment of broken pieces and put him back together, loving and patient all throughout. The one who has always been too good to be called a mere father.

“It's not just wanting to get back at that bastard,” Killian says, nearly shouting. At Nemo's small flinch, Killian breathes in and out. Among all his losses, it's the first one that has filled him with such rage. “That monster killed her in cold blood. And he's out there now, not paying for his crime-”

His voice is too unsteady now to accommodate shouting.

“It's not just personal. He killed her-” A soft sob breaks his sentence in half. “-and he's walking free.”

“The world is not fair,” Nemo says in a very soft voice, hand resting on Killian's shoulder. “Come home, son. This isn't what you need right now.”

“No. I need to see him behind bars.”

“You need to grieve.”

Killian scoffs, laughing mirthlessly. “It's been two years.”

“Exactly.”

He drops his gaze. If he looks at Nemo's face right now, he may crumble, and his efforts of two years – albeit not very successful – will be rendered pointless. The time he lost, the damage he's done to himself, to his relationships with everyone, Nemo, Shakespeare, Will and Tink, it will all be for nothing.

And worst of all, he'll be yet another one who will do Milah wrong. If he gives up, he'll be doing to her nothing better than what Gold did, and the very thought sickens him.

There's only one thing he changes. His drinking has reached new levels, and he needs, if nothing else, to survive in order to bring Gold down. So for now, AA meetings are something.

At first, he only talks about how he manages to stay clean, how he slips and how he tries to not beat himself up over it. His fifth meeting is on a particularly bad day; the story of watching the love of his life die slips from him, and across the circle he gets looks of pity that he hates.

If only he told everyone about the furious thoughts for revenge on Milah's murderer that have been plaguing his every waking thought for the past two years.

He slumps in his seat and stays silent for the rest of the meeting. He shouldn't have come today, he should have known he would be too emotional to think rationally before speaking.

The meeting ends and he's already made up his mind to look into other AA groups before he even exits the building.

“Excuse me,” a voice calls at him.

He turns. It's Eloise Gardener, one of the attendees.

“On the last meeting you mentioned that mental activities keep your thoughts away,” she says.

“Yeah?”

“I'm hosting gardening classes, two evenings a week at the Bare Feet Greenhouse. I thought I could invite you to join, they're already quite cheap and I'll give you a discount.”

“Your name is Gardener, innit?”

She smiles. “And I am a gardener. Shocking, I know. But I've found it's a good distraction, especially knowing you're taking care of a life. You get the satisfaction without committing to... raising a child, let's say.”

Killian decides it's worth a try; unlike the AA meetings, raising a plant actually has visible proof of progress.

He stops coming to the meetings, but Eloise doesn't ask him why. She teaches him and guides him through providing a good environment for his plants.

One night after class, she helps him move the pots with his grown plants to his apartment. He doesn't truly invite her in, and when she initiates a kiss with him, he takes a few seconds of thinking before he realizes he doesn't mind that much.

It's just fuck, and Eloise doesn't seem to be thinking it's anything deeper than he does.

If he thinks it's any deeper, he'll just be haunted again by that miserable thought, that the last person he kissed before Milah died was not Milah herself, but a random stranger whose face he wasn't even sober enough to remember.

Eloise leaves and within minutes, he's left as well to search for any open store that sells booze. Rain is pouring down, cars splash him until he's soaking wet, but he finally gives up when he trips and falls, his leg hurting too much to take him too much further.

Even the couple of hours he stays in the hospital while they put a walking cast on him feel unbearable. Two years have gone by and the memories of hospital misery are still too raw.

Eloise doesn't comment on the cast nor his continued absence from the AA meetings. She invites him to her place and after they have sex he asks if he can stay the night. That way it's much easier to avoid looking for a drink to deal with how disgusted he feels.

Even the other people attending the gardening lessons wouldn't imagine Eloise and Killian are sleeping together – and Killian is attending two different classes side by side. Not that there's anything to show for it. They just fuck, sleep in the same bed, and that's all. She keeps him from running out for a drink in the middle of the night, better than any AA meeting managed, he gives her a person to have control over the way she wants, and they scratch each other's itches.

Nemo keeps trying to stay in touch with him, and Killian nearly blocks his number out of pure shame. Perhaps if Nemo realizes he's been blocked he'll stop bothering.

Killian has practically moved in with Eloise now, or she with him; in any case, they'll sleep in the same bed every night, whether it's the one in Killian's apartment or the one in Eloise's house.

He cannot connect who he was before with who he is with Eloise now. Before Nemo even adopted him officially, Killian had allowed him to pick up his pieces and make him a functional human. With Milah, it was Killian who was the whole, the rock she could lean on.

With Eloise, he can once again be broken, but without any expectation to get fixed back up – and he's too tired for unrealistic expectations. He can stay the mess that he is, sharing his body and his space with her so that he can feel something, even when the feeling isn't the best. Eloise is controlling and demanding, and Killian's feelings for her range from fear to disgust, but he prefers those over pain, grief, rage, and a continuously burning thirst.

It's easier to hate his... “partner” than to hate everything else in his life, including himself.

He's actually shocked to realize two years have passed since his first time with Eloise, and nothing at all has changed. Their feelings didn't change towards one way or another; they just kept fucking, sleeping next to each other, and going by their day without thinking about each other.

He almost hates it when she asks him to ride with her to a concert in Maidstone. Not only because she's making ensuring no-one assaults her sound like a chore, but also because he's still not ready to enjoy music he used to love. Especially not in her presence. Being in her company is not a circumstance that fits happy thoughts.

There's a lot of things he's been denying himself since Milah died. Everything that used to make him happy, even the company of his family, feels sullied now.

He doesn't expect to enjoy the concert. But Eloise buys his ticket and drives the car, so he decides that he can tolerate one night of being a boy toy to discourage sleazebags.

It doesn't even feel that special that his birthday is tomorrow; he lost Liam a few days after his fifteenth birthday, and Milah a few days before his twenty-eighth. Maybe it's just not in the cards for him to celebrate it again.

For three whole hours, he forgets everything. There's just the music, and the lights, and his throat getting sore from singing without a care.

There is, of course, the occasional groping, people stepping on his feet, even getting an elbow to the ribs, but for him it's all par of the course now. Including checking his pockets afterwards and realizing that twenty pounds are missing. And Eloise being... well, Eloise.

“You were supposed to stand by my side,” she starts complaining after the concert is over and people start dispersing.

“I can assure you I was touched against my consent far more than you were.”

“Is that supposed to be an excuse?”

Ugh, her arrogant, calm face she makes when she tells him off. He hates it.

“If you wanted an actual bodyguard, you should have hired one. I only have one hand,” he bites back at her.

“Really? I get you a birthday gift and you consider this an appropriate response.” There’s no question mark in her tone.

“Oh, piss off. As if you've given a fuck about my birthday all these years.”

Her lips purse together, but her voice keeps that cool tenor that irritates him to no end. “I wanted to make it a good one for you. Just because you don't care about it doesn't mean no-one else does.”

He sighs. He actually had a good time and he doesn't want it ruined by her gaslighting. He's experienced people actually caring for his birthday, and he knows Eloise's words are just words. Next, she'll say that she contacted Scorpions themselves and asked them to have a concert the day before his birthday.

She shakes her head and goes for the portable toilets. At last, he can have some time on his own. He turns his head away and back to the scene, now completely empty.

No One Like You wasn't exactly the song he liked the most tonight, but it's the one he can't stop humming. He's humming!

Maybe he does owe Eloise a bit. Just a bit.

"Catchy tune, huh?" he hears from the side.

He turns, seeing a woman with a wide smile on her face.

"Oh, which one isn't?" he says, smiling back. "What a night."

The woman nods. "Did you have fun?"

The words pour out of him like vomit. "A lot of people stepped on me, I got groped, pick-pocketed, and I got in a fight with my...” – How should he call her? – “friend, but you know what?" He shrugs. "Bloody worth it."

"Oh.” Her face softens. “Sorry that you were mugged."

"Ah, it was like, twenty quid. I've known better than to carry credit cards where hands can easily reach." A very dedicated hand, maybe. There's only so many hiding spots he has.

"Do you have a ride back home?" the woman says.

He stares at her, and he feels his jaw drop when he realizes. "Bollocks. I overshared, didn't I?"

She just smiles. "I mean, I have a car, and space for two... how many of you are there?"

He scratches behind his ear. "Don't worry. We've got a car. And we going right back to Brighton, anyway."

"Oh.” She seems to think for a moment. “I don't even know where that is."

He holds back a laugh. "Figured so. From your accent."

Her smile widens. "I'm Emma," she says, extending her hand.

"Killian," he gives his hand back, careful to keep his left arm inside his jacket pocket. She's still looking at his face when he drops his hand to his side. "So... you know that they're actually having a few concerts in the States for this tour, right? How come you decided to fly all over to here?"

"Well, today... or more like, yesterday," she pauses as she checks her watch, "was my birthday. This was more like a birthday gift to me, and of course I'm going to see them in-” She pauses suddenly. “What?"

She's obviously cut off by the expression on his face. "You're not kidding? Tomorrow- or, today, is my birthday."

"Wow. Happy birthday, then."

"Happy birthday to you too. Seems it was a great one."

Emma seems happy as she looks back at the now empty stage. "I'd say one of the best ones. Does your birthday seem promising?"

His chest feels twice its normal size when she turns to look at him. Somehow, with their birthdays being so close, it feels as if her having had a great birthday is feeding his own satisfaction for that day, for the first time in four- no, five years.

Some of her slightly messy hair is sticking to her face – she probably went all out dancing tonight – and her eyes seem to droop in drowsiness, but she's absolutely glowing.

Glowing and looking at him.

When she takes a step towards him, it feels like it's gravity that's pulling his own body to her.

"It seems that way, aye," he replies.

Her eyes close when she's a few inches away from him, but he waits for the moment his lips touch hers to close his eyes.

~

(A/N: I want to remind the readers that this chapter is told from Killian's point of view, distorted as it is from grief, rage and isolation from the people he loves. Emotional progress is almost never visible in the short term, especially regarding addictions. Killian might have thought the AA meetings didn't help him, but it doesn't mean that giving up and depending on a controlling person to keep him clean was the healthy thing to do.

I know it's a work of fiction but some lines are easily confused, so the message I want to pass is that if you or a loved one is trying to let go of an addiction, keeping up the effort when progress isn't directly visible may be hard, but it's worth it and will eventually help.)

[psychosistr]

Mending the Broken- Chapter 4

Summary:  Jonathan wakes up to Dio and Speedwagon talking amongst themselves...but when was this..?

Notes:  Warnings for EXTREMELY dubious consent in this one- Speedwagon consents, but only under extremely distress and mind control, so it's not REALLY consent. Also warnings for emotional/mental manipulation and more of Dio being a d!ck. Another one where I’ll be posting the link for the AO3 version since Tumblr’s weird.

-First Chapter-

Jonathan felt cold. He was laying on something hard and solid, but other than that he had no idea what was going on. Forcing his eyes open proved to be a difficult task and he only managed to open them a sliver. From what he could see, he was laid out on his back with his head turned to the side. He saw stone beneath him, likely what he was resting on, but it was too dark to see much of anything else at first.

He couldn’t move. He couldn’t speak. He could barely see a thing.

‘Wh..Where..am I..?’ Jonathan’s thoughts were sluggish and hard to pull together.

Then, he heard them- voices. Two voices that were so very familiar to him talking nearby. His eyes managed to move enough to focus on their location and he saw Dio standing in the middle of the room, speaking to Speedwagon, who was currently tied up on the floor while wearing the same clothes Jonathan last remembered seeing him in, though they were a bit torn and dirty.

“Ya won’t get away with this, Dio! Once Jonathan wakes up, ‘e’ll give ya what ya got comin’!” Speedwagon snarled angrily, fighting against the ropes currently holding his arms behind his back.

Dio merely chuckled and looked down on Speedwagon with a taunting smirk. “You have so much faith in him. You truly believe he will defeat me.” He reached down with one hand and tipped Speedwagon’s chin up using his thumb and index finger. “Tell me, though, do you think he will rescue you in the process? Actually, allow me to rephrase that- if given the choice between defeating me and saving you, which do you believe Jonathan would choose?”

Speedwagon tried to move out of Dio’s grip, but the vampire’s hold was too strong so he could only glare up at him. “ ‘e would find a way t’ do both! Jonathan’s a great man- ‘e’d never allow your evil t’ run free an’ ‘e’d never leave a friend behind!”

‘Of course not..I would never..never leave him behind..’ Jonathan thought to himself, no doubts at all in his mind that it was true.

“Ah, yes.” Dio chuckled, sending an uneasy tremor through Speedwagon’s body that Jonathan could actually see. “You are correct in that assumption. Jonathan would never leave a friend behind. Because, after all, that is what you two are, correct? Merely friends?”

Speedwagon narrowed his eyes at the vampire above him. “Yeah. We are. Wha’ of it..?”

Dio leaned down so he was closer to Speedwagon’s face, looking him directly in the eyes. “I simply mean that it is such a pity. To only be considered as a FRIEND by the man you so clearly LOVE.”

Jonathan was a bit startled by Dio’s accusation. ‘Speedwagon..loves me..?”

Speedwagon’s eyes went wide, almost fearful. “Wh-Wha’?! No, I..!” His body was trembling now. “I-I’m not-!”

“There is no need to lie to me.  It is far too obvious: I can see it in the way you look at him, in the way you selflessly put yourself in harm’s way for him, and I can even smell it in the air when you say his name.” He chuckled again and stood up, releasing Speedwagon’s chin in the process. “Honestly, I think the only one who doesn’t see it is Jonathan himself.”

“Y-You’re wrong! ‘e..‘e’s jus’ a friend..!” Speedwagon tried to deny it, but the lie was far too obvious with the way his voice shook.

Dio gave him a mildly irritated look. “I believe I told you there was no need to lie to me.” He grabbed Speedwagon’s hair and pulled it back hard, forcing the other to look up at him again. “Allow me to rephrase that into a command.” His eyes began to glow bright red as he spoke sternly. “You are no longer allowed to lie to me. Understood?”

Speedwagon’s bright and terrified eyes dimmed slightly as they were forced to stare into the glowing red ones above him. “Y…Yes…”

Jonathan didn’t like the way Dio was looking at or touching Speedwagon in the slightest. Nor did he like the way Speedwagon’s eyes changed…

“Good.” Dio smirked and released him. “Now, tell the truth: Are you in love with Jonathan?”

“I..I am..” Speedwagon’s voice was hesitant, but the light was slowly returning to his eyes as he winced. “D-Damn you..!”

Dio ignored the other’s swearing and continued speaking, now pacing around Speedwagon in a slow circle. “Another question: Does Jonathan return your feelings? Remember, you cannot lie to me.”

“ ‘e..‘e..does..not..” Speedwagon tried to hold back his words, but they slipped out despite his struggles.

“And, pray tell, whom does Jonathan love?” Dio asked while walking behind Speedwagon, two fingers dragging along his shoulders as he passed.

“I..n-no..please..stop..” He fought harder this time, looking as if he were in pain holding back his words.

‘No..stop it..it’s hurting him..!’ Jonathan fought to say what was on his mind, but his mouth and voice would not respond at all.

Dio’s fingers trailed up into Speedwagon’s hair and lightly stroked it. “It hurts, does it not?” He asked with fake sympathy. “The pain will end if you speak the truth. As they say- ‘the truth shall set you free’.”

“J..Jonathan..” Speedwagon looked down, his shoulders trembling slightly. “Jonathan..loves..Erina..” The tension in his body lessened slightly, but his shoulders still shook.

“Indeed.” Dio said with a sigh, his fingers still lightly stroking Speedwagon’s hair. “Jonathan is in love with Erina. He has been since we were boys. To still hold a flame for her after all these years..it must be true love at its finest. Tell me- do you believe Jonathan could ever love YOU the same way he loves Erina? Could a nobleman such as Jonathan care for a common, useless, run of the mill street rat such as yourself?”

“N..No..” Speedwagon’s voice was almost a sob. “ ‘e..‘e couldn’..”

“Why not?” There was that fake sympathy again. “Are you not deserving of his love?”

“No..I’m not..” Speedwagon curled in on himself. “I don’ deserve ‘im..‘e’s too good for someone like me..I..I’m..useless..”

‘No!’ Jonathan thought, desperately wishing he could find his voice. ‘You are far from useless, Speedwagon! You are amazing! You are clever and brave and loyal! You deserve my love just as much as Erina!’ Jonathan surprised himself with the conviction of his own thoughts. But, the more he considered it, the more he believed it to be true: Speedwagon did deserve his love and so much more. Jonathan could easily see himself being with Speedwagon in much the same way he saw himself with Erina. Did..Did that mean that he..?

“That’s right..” Dio stepped around to Speedwagon’s front and used his other hand to tilt Speedwagon’s face up, looking into shimmering brown eyes that threatened to overflow with tears. “You are useless as you are now..but..I, Dio, can GIVE you a purpose.” His eyes began to glow red again as he leaned in close to Speedwagon, their lips almost touching. “Become mine. Give yourself to me and I shall reward you greatly.”

Speedwagon’s eyes began to lose their vitality once again as he looked into the vamire’s glowing red gaze. “I..I…” Just as Dio’s lips were about to touch his, he suddenly pulled back. “No! I-I won’t! I love Jonathan, not a damn devil like you!”

Dio glared down at him, the fake sympathy from earlier now gone. “You are quite a stubborn one. Perhaps you require a greater incentive..”

Speedwagon watched with wide eyes as Dio made his way to Jonathan’s prone form a few feet away. “Wha’..What are ya doin’?! Get away from ‘im!” Speedwagon struggled against the tight bonds around him. “Leave ‘im alone, damn you!!”

“You said it yourself: When Jonathan wakes up, he will attempt to fight me. It would be foolish of me to allow that.” He grabbed onto Jonathan’s arm tightly, the man in question unable to move or react at all with the toxins still in his system. Then, with a sickening “crunch”, Dio snapped the bones in Jonathan’s arm with ease. Jonathan wanted to scream in pain, to react in any way, but he could do nothing at all but lay there with his eyes barely open- a passenger in his own body. Dio then repeated the same process on the other arm and let both of the shattered limbs fall to the ground. “And now for the legs..” He lifted his foot and positioned it over Jonathan’s knee, fully prepared to stomp down and shatter his kneecap-

“STOP IT!!” Speedwagon shouted desperately. “Stop it, please! I-I’ll do what ya wan’, jus’ don’t ‘urt ‘im anymore!!”

Dio placed his foot back on the ground slowly before walking over to Speedwagon. He kneeled down to be at eye level with the other man, a stern look on his face. “You will do whatever I ask of you?”

Speedwagon hesitated for a moment before he nodded, his voice small and defeated. “Yes. Swear you an’ your men won’ touch ‘im, aside from fixin’ ‘is arms, an’..and’I’ll do what ya say…”

‘Speedwagon, no!’ The pain was agonizing, but Jonathan was far more worried about Speedwagon at the moment. ‘You cannot trust him! Do not sacrifice yourself for me! Speedwagon!’

Dio ran a finger along the line of Speedwagon’s jaw with a pleased smirk. “I give you my word- neither I nor my men will lay a hand upon Jonathan other than to repair his broken arms.” He tipped Speedwagon’s head back and leaned over to his ear. “And, in exchange, you shall give me permission to touch you as I see fit and do as I say. Do we have a deal?”

Speedwagon hesitated once again, but nodded without another word. “……”

“Excellent.” Dio’s smirk grew as he used his fingers to cut through the ropes around Speedwagon. “Now..for your first order..” He gestured to Speedwagon’s clothes. “Strip for me.”

“W-Wha’?!” Speedwagon’s face flushed red and he stared in disbelief. “Y-Ya gotta be pullin’ me leg!”

Dio narrowed his eyes in warning. “I assure you that I am not. Do as I say or our deal is forfeit. Or would you rather I go over now and break your beloved Jojo’s legs?”

“No, don’t! I-I’ll do it!” Speedwagon said quickly and, with a sense of urgency, he began unbuttoning his suit and slipped off the jacket, vest, and tie without a second thought. He did, however, hesitate when it came to his shirt. “……” After taking a deep breath, though, he proceeded to slowly unbutton the garment and set it aside in the corner of the room with his other clothing.

“The pants as well.” Dio said as he took a seat in the chair in the middle of the room after turning it to watch Speedwagon properly, one arm propped up on the arm rest and his chin resting on his raised hand as if he was contemplating something.

“I’m gettin’ there, damn it..” Speedwagon mumbled as he stepped out of his shoes and removed his socks, leaning against the wall for support. He took another breath before removing his pants and setting them aside with the rest of his clothes, now standing before Dio in nothing but his underwear.

“Did I tell you to leave those on?” Dio said while gesturing to Speedwagon’s undergarments with his free hand. “I said strip, and I do mean everything.”

Speedwagon clenched his fists at his sides. “God damn sadistic fuck..” His hands shook from a mixture of rage and embarrassment as they slowly pulled down his last remaining article of clothing and set it aside with everything else. “…There…’appy now, ya bloody bastard?”

Jonathan couldn’t tell, but he was fairly certain he might be blushing. While he felt horrible seeing Speedwagon humiliated and so obviously uncomfortable at being exposed in such a way, it was hard to deny the simple truth: Speedwagon looked absolutely stunning. Though not as muscular as Jonathan’s own, Speedwagon’s body was still strong and well-built. Even the scars across his body, like the one on his face, only added to his physical appeal as they clearly spoke of his strength and character. Jonathan was more than a little enamored by it all…

Dio’s smirk, on the other hand, was positively predatory with no true appreciation for the beauty before him as he gestured for Speedwagon to come closer, the long haired man reluctantly complying. “Indeed I am. Now,” He patted his lap in indication. “Come here.”

Speedwagon’s face burned red but he did as he was told and got into the chair, trying his hardest to simply remain kneeling over Dio’s lap without actually touching the vampire. “……”

~(Cut for content again- full version here on AO3)~

Dio continued petting Speedwagon’s head, looking pleased with himself at what he’d done to the smaller man sitting in his lap. “But of course, my pet..and this is merely the beginning. Now, let’s see if I can teach you a few tricks before Jojo wakes up.”

Jonathan’s eyelids felt heavy, waves of dizziness and nausea hitting him powerfully as the world around him spun. ‘Speedwagon..have to..have..to..save..him…’

“Yes, Lord Dio. Anythin’ ya say.” Speedwagon responded automatically with a smile that looked tired and strained but so eager and desperate at the same time.

Jonathan’s eyes began to slip closed again. ‘No..Speed..wagon..have to..fight..Dio..Speed-’

“Speedwagon!” Jonathan gasped and his eyes flew open. He looked around and, after limiting his breathing when he felt that accursed collar constricting him again from his earlier gasp, he realized that he was no longer laying on the floor as he had been, but was seated against the wall. Looking around confirmed that he was in the same position he’d been in the first time he’d woken up, with Speedwagon still sitting directly across from him motionless against the leg of the chair. “A dream..?” He questioned himself quietly. It had seemed so real, though. Then, as his eyes surveyed the room, he noticed something that he’d missed earlier: Speedwagon’s clothes lying crumpled in the corner of the room, just as they had been in his dream. “Then..that wasn’t a dream..rather, a memory..” He looked back to Speedwagon, his eyes soft and sad as he gazed upon his dearest friend. “Speedwagon, I am so sorry..you sacrificed yourself to Dio’s will for my sake..”

“……” Just as before, Speedwagon gave no indication that he heard Jonathan and didn’t move from his spot.

Jonathan’s frown deepened and he looked down at his bandaged arms. ‘I will find a way out of here…for you, Speedwagon. You have already done so much for me, it is time I returned the favor..’

Jonathan then started taking short breaths, experimenting with how much hamon he could charge from the tiny bits of air he drew in before the collar would constrict. It wasn’t much, hardly enough to do anything substantial. But, with whatever small amounts he could take in, he started focusing it all into his arms to help speed up their healing.

He would get Speedwagon out of this hell as quickly as possible. He had to.

<-Previous Chapter Next Chapter->

End Notes:  Yeeeaaaaah, no excuses for this one- I'm just sick and love putting my favorite characters through mental/emotional hell -_-"

[pearl-and-penny529]

Miraculous Fanfic: Truth Seeker Part: I

(Miraculous belongs to its rightful owners, the following content is just fan made)

                              Heyaa and welcome Miraculers!

                                      ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚　˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

This fan fiction has been brought to you by Pearl and Penny . The format of the following piece may be a bit different from what is usual, nevertheless we hope it’s going to be interesting and as entertaining as several of the beautiful creations here on tumblr .After all, a little change is good, don't you think? Anyway, back to the introduction..where was I? Oh, right. The subsequent parts of the fanfic would be uploaded later on as specified. PLS DO NOT COPY WITHOUT PERMISSION OR REPOST.

                                  ❃.✮:▹More Details◃:✮.❃

Number of words: 1482

Time taken: 1 week

Category: Writing/Fanfiction

Previous part: This is the first one

Next part: Part 2, to be uploaded on 18/10/2020

Pearl: Storyboard

Penny: Editing

PLS DO NOT COPY WITHOUT PERMISSION.

                           --------- ♡ Thank you and Enjoy ♡ ---------

Scene: Miss Bustier’sclassroom: Classes are over; Marinette is packing her bag when she notices Alya vigorously typing something on her phone

Marinette: Hey Alya, I see you’ve been busy for quite sometime… What are you up to?

Marinette tries to peek over her shoulder but Alya turns aside, not allowing her to see the screen

Alya: Patience, my dear, patience! You might think my theories about Ladybug are crazy, but you watch, girl. I'll prove you wrong,cause’ this blogger has got the cat in the bag! The scoop is going to be (in a sing-song voice) absolutely amazing!!

Marinette: (Laughs) So I’m guessing it has something to do with the Ladyblog?

Alya: You bet! Remember that one time when I nearly figured out ladybug’s identity? When she dropped that textbook- OUR history textbook-while swinging across Paris with her yoyo?

Scene: Flashback from Pharaoh

Alya: Don't blink now, 'cause we are live from Paris. Yo peeps, Alya here, bringing you the one and only Ladyblog. (Helicopter noises) Huh? What is that? (Ladybug flies by, hanging on to her yo-yo, tied to a helicopter. She drops a book). Ladybug in action. Hang on 'cause we're going for a ride. (Alya runs over and picks up the book) Freak out! What you got here is no ordinary book, it's a tenth grade history book. And I should know, 'cause I've got this very same book. Could our very own Ladybug be a high school student, (zoomout to reveal the Ladyblog website, which Marinette Dupain-Cheng is watching the video from) in real life? Whoa!

Scene: Flashback ends; Back to reality: Inside the classroom

Marinette: Oh... (chuckles nervously) Yeah, I do remember.

Alya: So it was clear that she is a tenth standard student like us! Chances are, she may even study in our school!!

Marinette: (gulps) You sure about that? I thought you had lost that book before returning from the museum…

Alya: I am absolutely 100% sure. Ladybug could have easily taken that book with her while I was busy filling my fans in about how she saved me from the akumatised villain. Talk about superheroes being fast!!

Marinette: But-

Marinette is about to say something when Nino bursts in, hastily handing Alya an iPad with a fan page named ‘Lila and Ladybug’ open on the the screen.

Nino: Alya, check this out -- Lila is also running a blog about ladybug!!

Alya and Marinette: WHAT!!??

Alya grabs the tabletand after examining it carefully, clicks on one of the videos.

Lila in the video: I am such a big friend of Ladybug and she likes me sooo much. She even promised to tell me who she actually is. To be honest, we are almost inseparable, so it was not really impossible to see that coming.

The video ends; Marinette stands up and strikes her fists aggressively on the table; Alya frowns.

Marinette: She is such a fibster!

Alya: You can’t say that. (Looking down) Maybe she really is close to Ladybug...

Marinette: Why on EARTH do you never notice her lies?? What’s so special about her? She’s just like any other student in this school, well, except for the fact that she’s a pathological liar and psycho!! (Marinette starts to hyperventilate)

Alya: Marinette, calm down! Are you really jealous of her? Listen to me, don’t let your emotions get the better of you.

Marinette: (looks at Alya and crosses her arms) Why would I be jealous of Lila?

Alya: Well.. for starters, you know that she has a crush on Adrien and can ACTUALLY spend time with him. Secondly, I am sure you remember that our classmates wanted to vote her as the class president instead of you... and third of all she is the center of attention whenever she’s in the class.

Marinette: ..You really believe all that?

Marinette looks at Nino

Nino: (nods) Iagree with Alya.

Marinette: What’s wrong with you guys? It is as if you trust Lila over me!

Alya: Marinette, could you give me any reason why I should not trust Lila?

Marinette: (laughs sarcastically) You have NO idea! She is a brutal girl!

Nino scrolls through the blog and widens his eyes.

Nino: Whoa! She has reached 90 thousand followers in one day!! Alya you gotta step up your game!

Alya: (looks at the screen and gasps) Wha- What?

Marinette: She doesn’t deserve these many followers… she faked everything!

Alya: B-But I have been pursuing the Ladyblog for more than 8 months with only so much dedication and devotion. You guys know that, don’t you? You’ve seen me pour my blood, sweat and tears into this, and now Lila suddenly pops in and she’s become a celebrity and Ladybug’s best friend in a day??  (cups her face while trying to hold back a tear) Maybe she really is b-better than me.

Nino: (sits down next to Alya and lowers his voice) Hey, No one is better than you. You are the best, all of Paris knows it!

Alya remains stiff and lets out a sigh; Marinette suddenly recalls the huge pile of unfinished work she has back at home (as usual hehe)

Marinette: (jumps up and rushes to go out) Aaaaahh I have to go home, I have three assignments due tomorrow and a personal request from Jagged Stone to design the cover of his new album!! Oh, my parents are gonna kill me if I don’t help them out in the bakery even today... I’ll see you guys later (runs out the door and shouts) and Alya do not worry the truth always wins and I am sure about it!!

Scene: Marinette’s room: Marinette is listening to music, and embroidering on a piece of cloth with her tongue out.

Tikki: (pacing in circles around Marinette) Something doesn’t seem right. Lila is unpredictable – You can never know what she came up with this time.

Suddenly a thought strikes Marinette, making her gasp; she accidentally pricks herself with the sewing needle.

Marinette: Ow!

Tikki: What is the matter Marinette? You very rarely miss a stitch.

Marinette: (turning around to face Tikki) Do you remember how Lila spoke about revealing my identity?

Tikki: Yeah, she did, but that would be another lie.

Marinette: Tikki… what if she ends up getting akumatized and causing an illusion of me detransforming?

Tikki: That shouldn’t be a problem, she doesn’t know who you actually are.

Marinette:  But the whole of Paris would think Ladybug is a dope! One time I convince them that revealing my identity would be dangerous, and the next moment, I suddenly do it! That’s a nuisance, don’t you think?

Tikki: That’s for sure, moreover, Chat Noir would think that you believe Lila over him.

Scene: Adrien’s room:Adrien is watching Lila’s blog at his desk

Lila in the video: She even promised to tell me who she actually is-

Adrien: (pauses the video and rotates his revolving chair to face Plagg) Lila is a serious liar. It’s getting out of hand, Plagg!

Plagg: (eating a large piece of camembert with his eyes closed) But she seems so confident, it’s hard to tell whether she is lying or not.

Adrien: It could be another illusion. The whole of Paris may fall for it, (subtly smiles) but I bet Ladybug would not.

Plagg: (swallows the entire piece) Kind of weird, when you think about it -- How would she create an illusion as Lila? If she is Volpina then everyone could tell she is akumatised and guess that Ladybug is an illusion.

Adrien: You might be right, I guess she has a lot of plans set up for it. Nice thinking, Plagg.

Plagg: What can I say? My brain is filled with cheesy goodness.

Scene: Agreste Mansion (the next day): Lila and Gabriel Agreste are speaking near the entrance

Lila: So far all is well, sir.

Gabriel: Good. I would keep myself ready.

Lila showcases an evil smile before exiting the mansion, and then starts recording for her blog outside.

Lila: What’s up fans? This is Lila, and guess what!  Ladybug has agreed to reveal her identity to all. I would be reporting live today from the Eiffel Tower… Get ready for the big surprise!!

Scene: Alya’s room: Alya is in bed, watching the blog on her phone

Lila in the video: …Ladybug has agreed to reveal her identity to all. I would be reporting live today from the Eiffel Tower…

Alya: (Sits up straight and exclaims) This is impossible! I bet ladybug would never do it.

Scene: Marinette’s room

Lila in the video: …Get ready for the big surprise!!

Marinette: Yep, we are in for a surprise for sure.

Tikki: Come on Marinette, you do not believe her, do you?

Marinette: (scoffs) I do not at all.

Scene: Adrien’s room

Adrien: (Lila’s video ends) We have to be ready for the moment she strikes......

TO BE CONTINUED.........

                                          ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚　˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

                Thank you for reading, have a miraculous day/night!!

                                                Bug out ^^

                                          ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚　˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

This post is also available on Miraculous amino in the account of Samantha (Pearl)

[sushigirlali]

If You Don’t Love Me, Lie To My Face - Part II (Reylo Fanfic)

Part I | Part II | Part III | Epilogue 

Summary: Grifter!Rey helps U.S. Senator Leia Organa’s son, Ben Solo, out of a jam when a couple of muggers invade her turf. Afterward, she debates robbing the rich American herself, but can she protect her heart while stealing his?

Pairing: Rey + Ben Solo | Finn + Poe Dameron

Rating: E

Continuity: Modern AU

A/N: It was hard sticking to a posting schedule, but I did it! Hope you enjoy the new chapter!

Master list –> AO3 | ff.net | Tumblr

——————

If You Don’t Love Me, Lie To My Face - Part II

By: sushigirlali

——————

Kennington, London

——————

Vaulting off the bed, Rey threw on his long shirt and raced to Ben's side. "Please, don't read whatever he's written. It's not what you think."

"Too late," he replied grimly, tossing her the device.

"Ben, I—"

"So, what am I to you exactly? It's hard to tell based on your boyfriend's flurry of messages. A mark? A quick fuck? What?"

Rey tried for a joke. "Well, not a quick fuck."

It didn't land.

"Get out."

"Ben!" she protested. "He's not my boyfriend, he's my brother. Well, foster brother. But that's neither here nor there."

"No, it really isn't."

"Please, let me explain!"

"No," he said shortly. "No, I don't think so." He marched over to the door for the second time in as many days and threw it open. "Get the hell out!"

"Wait, can't we just—"

"No! You're clearly not who I thought you were. I really don't see what else there is to say."

Frustrated by his stubborn refusal to hear her out, Rey vacillated between desperation and anger. Anger won out. "Fine! Fuck you, then!" she shouted, grabbing her things and escaping into the hall. "It's not like I ever—hey!" Rey stopped short as Ben abruptly shut the door in her face. "I was still talking, asshole!"

But he didn't answer.

"Fine! Be that way!" she raged. "Go back to America, you rich prick! It's not like I was going to beg you to stay! And don't think I'll be back! Because I won't! I hate you, Ben Solo!"

Silence.

"Okay," she muttered, pulling on her boots. "Okay, be that way, you coward." Rey kicked the door for good measure before turning on her heel and heading for the elevators. "Who does he think he is, anyway?" She impatiently smacked the button. "Kicking me out like that...it's not like I was going to do anything. I'd already decided that I wanted…"

Him. She wanted him.

Rey jumped when the metal doors dinged open. "This is it. The moment of truth." She looked back at Ben's flat one last time, but was disappointed when he didn't appear to stop her. "Goodbye, Ben," she whispered, boarding the elevator with a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry."

——————

"Where the hell have you been?" Finn demanded the moment she entered their hideaway, taking in her disheveled appearance.

"Enjoying myself!" she snapped, tossing her clothes and bo staff through her open bedroom door before joining him in the living room. "Or at least I was until Ben read your fucking text messages!"

"Ohhh…" Finn had the grace to look chagrined. "Uh, sorry."

"You should be!"

"Hey, you had your fun, didn't you? And besides, you don't want to get mixed up with his sort," he snorted.

"And what do you mean by that?" she huffed.

"Didn't you read my texts?"

"No, Ben did! Or, some of them at least." Rey flopped down on the sofa. "Why?"

"Because," he said, muting the stock car race he'd been watching on the telly, "I heard that those goons you chased off last night are still looking for him."

"What?!" she exclaimed, grabbing him by the shoulders. "What do you mean they're looking for him?"

Finn seemed startled by her reaction. "I mean, they were hired to kidnap him. His mum is important or some shit."

"Of course," she groaned, releasing her friend to pace around the room. "I knew the tall one seemed familiar."

"Who?"

"One of the muggers," she explained impatiently. "It was Phasma."

"Oh, shit."

"Exactly," she concurred. "So, the other one had to be Hux then; he's always attached to Phasma's hip."

"Did he recognize you?"

"Yeah," she waved away the concern in his voice, "but more importantly, the two of them being involved means the First Order is after Ben."

"He's done for then," Finn sighed. "Hope you got a consolation prize, at least."

"Not that it's any of your business, but no, I didn't."

"You gave up the opportunity to shaft some rich American who probably—"

"If you want to preserve our relationship, you won't finish that remark," Rey glared, still pacing.

"Look, I'm sorry, but—"

"Shut up for a second, I'm trying to think."

"About what?" he asked.

"How to save Ben, obviously."

"And what are you going to do about it? Play human shield when the bullets start flying?" he said incredulously.

"Don't be silly," she dismissed.

"Then what?"

"We kidnap him instead," she said simply.

"We—?! Have you lost your mind?!" he exclaimed.

"No, I haven't," she denied. "This is the best way to protect him until he can get out of dodge."

"You do hear yourself, right?" Finn stepped into her path. "How is holding the bloke against his will the best way to protect him?"

"The First Order can't kidnap what they can't find," Rey shrugged, starting to pick up items around the room that could be useful. "We might need duct tape, a pillow case…hmm, what else?"

"Wow, you've really fallen for this guy."

Rey snapped around to face him. "I have not!"

"No? Then why are you doing this? Why help a stranger at all?"

"He's not a stranger! Ben is my—he's—" Rey threw the supplies on the ground. "Look, I don't have to explain myself to you! I just can't let anything happen to him, okay?"

Finn gave her a strange look. "Okay, sis, whatever you say."

"So, you'll help me?"

His expression softened. "Of course, I will. Here." He picked the tape up off the floor and handed it to her.

"Thanks."

"Sure," Finn smiled, "we're family."

——————

Looking through the swanky window of the swankiest lunch spot in the swankiest part of London, Rey was feeling out of her depth. Or, at least she had been until she spotted her target. After that, all she felt was anger.

Striding inside and past a bewildered looking maître d', she went right up to the table Ben was sharing with a pretty blonde woman. He looked so good in his black suit and red tie that she wanted to bite something, preferably him.

"Rey!" he said, looking stunned at her sudden appearance. "What are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you," she said evenly, eying the person next to him. "Alone."

Ben frowned. "What else is there to say?"

"A lot," she said matter-of-factly. "Look, I'm sorry to interrupt your date—"

"It's not a date," he denied quickly.

"No?" she had to suppress a smile.

"No," he said more calmly. "I'm in the middle of a business meeting."

"Really?" Rey assessed the wide-eyed woman in her soft pink suit. She looked downright disappointed by her tablemate's dismissal, but Ben's expression seemed honest enough. "Good, then you can reschedule." Hustling around the table, she forced Ben to his feet.

"What on earth do you think you're doing?" he exclaimed, tripping a little on the long white tablecloth.

"Kidnapping you," she deadpanned, taking his hand. "Didn't I tell you before? I'm a bad guy."

Ben's fingers clenched over hers, but still he resisted. "Rey, I've got at least 100 pounds on you!"

"So what," she scoffed. "I've taken down guys even bigger than you."

"Without your weapon?" he asked, eyeing her naked hip.

"I left my staff in the car, but I can now see that was a mistake. So, stop playing around and come with me before I go get it!"

"Listen, my mother is—!"

"I don't care!"

"Well, I do! Your life isn't worth—whatever this is! You can't really be this desperate for money!"

"Sure I can," she said, trying to tow him toward the back door. "Come now, we need to get out of here."

"And go where?" he said incredulously.

"My place. My brother is downstairs with the car."

"You brought a getaway car?!"

"Of course I did!" Rey grunted, throwing all her weight behind moving him along. Unfortunately, Ben was so massive that she made little headway.

"Um, Mr. Solo?" the pretty blonde piped up out of nowhere. "Should I call the police, or...?"

"No!" they shouted at the same time, with Rey adding, "Stay out of it!" for good measure.

"Hey!" Ben glared down at the hellion attached to his arm. "Don't yell at her! It's rude!"

"Me?!" Rey returned. "You yelled at her too!"

"Shut up," he snipped, turning back to his acquaintance. "Kaydel, I—uh—need to reschedule, okay?"

"Um, okay," Kaydel replied with barely contained annoyance. "I'll just—go, then."

"Bye!" Rey said cheerfully, waving her off.

"Really, Rey?"

"What?" she tugged on his hand again. "Come on! Your manners have been preserved, your face has been saved. So, can we go now?"

"Fine, fine," he grumbled, throwing a few bills on the table as she yanked him toward the back exit. "Where are we going, anyway?"

"I already told you, we're going to my place. It's near The Black Prince."

"I thought you didn't live in that neighborhood."

"I lied."

"Big surprise," he sighed.

"Yeah, yeah, you can be mad at me later," she persisted. "It's not safe here."

Ben pulled her to a stop near the restroom. "What do you mean it's not safe? For who? For you?"

"No, not me."

"For me?"

"Dammit, Ben, come on!" Rey growled, getting desperate now that they were so close to the exit.

"Not until you tell me why."

"Fine!" she huffed, throwing up her hands in the air. "Those muggers the other day weren't just there to pick your pocket, Ben. They were sent."

"Sent by whom?"

"The First Order. It's a paramilitary organization with international connections who—"

"I know who they are," Ben said bitterly, taking her hand again. "Let's go in here. We shouldn't talk about this out in the open."

"Finn is right outside! We could just—"

"I don't want to talk to Finn, I want to talk to you. And then we can go. Deal?"

"Ugh, fine!" Rey grudgingly allowed him to lead her into the single bathroom stall, sensing he wouldn't budge until he knew everything.

Locking the door behind them, Ben placed his hands on her shoulders. Even though they had been parted less than a day, it felt good to be touched by him again.

"Alright, now tell me what is going on," he said calmly. "Please," he added politely.

"Finn heard that those two muggers from last night are still looking for you," she informed him.

"Heard from who?"

"I don't know, Finn has a lot of sources around the city."

"And I'm just supposed to take his word on it?" Ben said skeptically.

"No, you're supposed to take mine," she retorted.

"Because you're so trustworthy?" he frowned.

"Look, I didn't rob you, or whatever you think I did or was going to do!" she said defensively. "Did I have a moment where I considered breaking into your safe? Yes, okay? But I didn't! I decided I wanted you more!"

Ben's dark eyes blazed with feeling. "And now? Do you want me still?"

"Yes!" she admitted, as much to him as to herself. "I'm just trying to protect you, idiot! So, I need you to believe—mmph!" Rey's ranting stalled as Ben drew her mouth under his.

"Why?" he said against her lips.

"Because, you're special," she whispered, sliding her hands up his board torso, "and so was what we shared last night."

"I knew it," he said, kissing her again. "I knew you felt it too! When I read those texts I wanted to sink through the floor. I thought I'd misjudged you, that everything I was feeling was just in my imagination." Rey gasped as he backed her into the sink attached to the wall. "I never want to feel that way again."

Rey tugged on the lapels of his suit, gratified to find him hard against her thigh. "I'm sorry," she said softly. Then, roguishly, "Want me to kiss it better?"

"I have another idea," he growled, spinning her around so that she faced the mirror. His hands went this fastening on her jeans, but he hesitated for a moment. "Is this okay? I won't make you do anything you don't—"

"Yes, yes!" she cried pushing back against him.

Not needing to be told twice, he made quick work of her zipper and his, pulling down their pants and underwear just far enough to get the job done.

"Hold onto the sink," he ordered.

Doing as he asked, Rey let him take the lead. "What now?"

"Bend over," he instructed, nudging her feet apart.

"Okay," she said breathlessly, spreading her legs and bending at the waist. Hands braced on the edge of the sink, Rey waited for Ben to mount her. "What now?"

"Do you want this?"

"Yes!"

"Are you sure?"

"YES!"

"Okay, then," he growled, spreading her with his fingers. "Here I come..."

Rey gasped as he filled her in one stroke, rocking her on her toes with the force of his penetration. "Ben!"

"Shit, was that too hard?!" he asked hurriedly.

"No," she moaned, pushing back against him. "You kicked me out before I could get my fill this morning! Do it again!"

"Whatever you want, sweetheart," he said hotly, wrapping an arm around her middle and pumping into her with long, deep strokes. The other tangled in her hair, pulling her head back onto his shoulder.

"Oh, god!" she whimpered, watching his face in the mirror above the sink. He looked like he'd found heaven and hell all at once.

"Do you like that?" he growled against her cheek, nibbling on her earlobe. He met her eyes in the mirror. "Do you like the way my cock feels inside you?"

"Yes!" she groaned, so turned on by the constricted way he was holding her that she knew she wouldn't last long. "Ben, I'm going to come!"

"Already?" he said in awe. "Damn, I'm sorry for neglecting you this morning, baby."

"You're—making—up—for—it!" she grunted as he continued to thrust away inside her.

"I'm glad to hear—ah!" His whole body snapped forward as her inner muscles started to flutter around him, trapping her between his chest and the sink.

"Don't stop!" she whined. "Ben, please! I'm so close!"

"I'm sorry," he said hoarsely, clearly on the brink himself, "I swear I can usually last longer than this."

"I don't care! We're fucking in a bathroom!" she said with unconscious humor. "Make me come, dammit!" He laughed out loud and the sound eased her temper. "Uh, sorry."

"Hey, I love how vocal you are," he assured her.

Her heart pounded at his sweetness. "You do?"

He started rocking from side to side, bringing a shuddering gasp from her lips. "Oh, yeah." Putting a little space between them so he had room to maneuver, Ben resumed pumping his hips, setting a pace that had her screaming in seconds.

Placing a hand over her mouth to stifle the sound, he followed her release a few moments later with a satisfied groan.

Knock, knock.

"Fuck," Ben swore, freezing inside her. "Just a minute!" he called back.

Carefully pulling out, he grabbed a couple paper towels from the dispenser on the wall and wiped himself off. Still braced on the sink, Rey watched as he adjusted his clothing before running the scratchy paper between her thighs as well.

"Thanks," she half-laughed, half-moaned.

"I can't believe we just did that, I don't know what came over me. It's like I'm—"

"Addicted to sex?" she supplied, turning on the facet to splash some water on her flushed face.

"Addicted to you," he countered, pulling up her jeans and refastening them for her.

"Nicely played," she teased, leaning back against his chest. "Now, let's get you out of here."

"As you wish."

——————

There was no one in the hallway as they left, so Rey could only assume that they had grown tired of waiting. She supposed she should be embarrassed about having sex in a public water closet, but she wasn't. Still, she was glad that they didn't have to endure any judgmental stares on their way to the back alley.

Even though it had taken longer than planned to retrieve Ben, Finn was still waiting for them. Her best friend was loyal to a fault, something she was immensely grateful for.

"Took you long enough," Finn scolded once she shoved Ben into the back of the dark blue mini.

"Sorry," Rey replied without elaborating. "Let's punch it."

"Uh, hi," Ben said awkwardly, looking comically out of place in Finn's tiny car. "Ben Solo," he introduced himself, buckling first Rey's belt and then his own.

"Finn," he brother grinned, eyeing them in the rear view mirror. "So, did you two fuck in the bathroom, or what? Cause your faces are all red and you're sweating."

"Finn!" Rey said indignantly.

"What?" he said innocently.

"Listen, before we go anywhere," Ben said slowly, "thanks for helping us out, but—"

"Fuck off?"

"Finn!"

"Well, excuse me for not being thrilled that the man my baby sis met yesterday is exposing her to potentially dangerous, not to mention unsanitary, situations."

"Oh, my god," Rey groaned, covering her face. "Please, stop talking."

"The First Order is no joke," he continued, "so it would save us all a lot of time and heartache if you could just keep it in your pants for a couple hours. Okay?"

"I—okay," Ben grimaced. "I get your point."

"Excellent!" Finn said brightly. "We'll be home in a jiffy and then we can come up with a game plan."

"Can't wait," Ben and Rey said together. They looked at each other, then burst out laughing.

Still watching them from the front seat, Finn smiled too.

——————

"Hey, Finn?" Rey called after several minutes of driving.

"Yeah, I see them," he answered, gripping the steering wheel harder.

"What's wrong?" Ben asked, oblivious.

"A car has been following us for several blocks," Rey informed him. "Stop, don't turn around," she cautioned.

Ben sat up straight, like a child being chastised. "Sorry!"

Finn tried to ease the sudden tension. "Where did you find this pup, Rey?"

"Hey! I'm 35!"

"Are you?" she said interestedly. "I guess we never discussed our ages."

"Well, there wasn't much time in between—"

"Hey! Keep your bedroom tales to yourself," Finn broke in. "Gross." They laughed, as he intended. "Now, here's what we'll—oh, shit!"

Finn swerved as the red hatchback behind them sped up, nearly blocking their way forward on the narrow side road. "Fuck, do you both have your seatbelts on?"

"Yes!" they said, checking just in case.

"Finn, what do we do?" Rey said, turning around just as their pursuers slammed into the right bumper. "Ahh!"

Ben lurched sideways, cracking his head against the window. "Ben!" she screamed, catching him as he half fell onto her lap.

"Is he bleeding?" Finn said tightly, trying to put some distance between the two vehicles.

"No," she replied, tears clogging her throat. She brushed his hair away from his face to find a lump already forming. "Just knocked out."

"Okay, he's okay," Finn said encouragingly. "Now, I need you to do something for me, Rey."

"What?"

"Hold on!"

Bracing her feet against the back of the passenger seat, Rey wrapped her arms around her lover and bent her head. The next few minutes were dizzying, terrifying, but Finn kept them on the road as he weaved through traffic.

"Fuck! Rey, I'm going to have to make a hard left across a red light," he warned.

Ready for it, she hunched further over Ben, their seat belts and gravity keeping them in place as Finn made the turn in a burst of speed. Rey heard several tires squeal and a hard crash, but their car made it through unscathed.

"Alright," Finn said a few moments later, slowing down, "I think we've lost them."

"Was that them who crashed?"

"Yeah, right into a light pole. I don't think anyone else was hurt."

"Good," she sighed in relief.

"How did they find us?" Finn wondered.

"I think I know." Rey dug through Ben's jacket and found his cell phone.

"Turn it off and take the sim card out," Finn advised.

"I will, but first…" she held the phone up to Ben's face to unlock it, then scrolled through his favorites for two names. Reaching into the black messenger bag resting by her feet, she retrieved her own mobile device and quickly copied over the contacts. "Got them. Okay, powering down now."

"Great, but how are we going to solve the second problem?"

"What's that?"

"Getting the big guy out of the car."

——————

Entering the underground garage that led to their lair fifteen minutes later, Finn parked as close to the lift as possible. "Maybe you should call that handsome Poe bloke now, he sounds pretty capable."

Rey lifted a brow, unbuckling her seatbelt before reaching for Ben's. "I don't think I said anything about his looks when I mentioned him on the way over."

"Well, you have now, so…?"

"Fine," she said, rolling her eyes, "we could use the backup. One of the downsides of working alone, I guess." Rey slowly propped Ben up against the opposite seat, careful not to knock his head. "But after we get him inside, okay? Poe already hates me, so the last thing I need is him seeing his friend like this."

"If we must," Finn ribbed, getting out of the car to bang on the elevator call button. "And I'm sure he doesn't hate you. Did you even actually meet him?"

"Kind of? It was more of an impression, I suppose." Slipping out of the car, she came around to Ben's side and gingerly opened the door. When he didn't immediately fall out, she released a breath. "Ben?" she said softly, touching his face. "Ben, we need to get you inside."

"Mm?" he mumbled, long lashes fluttering.

"You hit your head. Can you stand?"

"I loaf you," he slurred.

"Okay, then." Rey tried to get him to focus, not taking his words to heart. "Ben, it's me, Rey."

"I knowww," he said, slowly coming around. "My woman!"

"Um, Finn, can I get a hand?"

Her brother reached into the backseat, stretching one of Ben's arms around his neck. "Hey, buddy, we need to go now."

"Go? Go where."

"Rey's room."

That seemed to perk Ben up. "Okay, I think I louvre her."

"That's nice," Finn grinned. "Get up and you can lay on Rey's nice comfy bed."

Blinking rapidly as Finn helped him stand, he seemed surprised when Rey appeared under his other arm. "We were just talking about you," he said in a stage whisper. "Your brother said I can marry you."

"Oh, uh, that's nice," she stuttered, flushing as he nuzzled her cheek.

"One thing at a time, Romeo," Finn said, trying not to crack up. "First the lift, then we can talk about love."

——————

With Finn's help, they managed to get Ben into her room without too much drama. Well, besides the minor altercation he had with the rug in the hallway.

"We're chucking this old thing out today," Rey said, bending to roll up the worn carpet. "It's a menace!"

"Just because your fiancé almost tripped—"

"La la la, I'm not listening!" Rey danced away, dropping the offending mat by the door.

"You have to admit it was pretty funny."

"No, I don't," she contradicted. "Honestly, I just hope he doesn't have a concussion."

Finn looked toward Rey's bedroom door in concern. "Does his friend have first aid training?"

"Probably? Those bodyguard types usually do." Rey pulled out her cell. "No use putting this call off any longer," she sighed. Navigating to the first contact she had added from Ben's phone, she dialed up Poe Dameron.

He picked up on the first ring, sounding harried. "Hello? Who is this?"

"Um, hey, it's the woman from last night," she started, cringing at her own intro. "I mean, uh, the one with Ben. Rey. This is Rey."

"Where is he?" Poe said shortly.

"With me, at my place," she said simply. "Listen, something's happened—"

"To Ben? Is he alright?"

Rey was actually kind of impressed by Poe's level of distress. He had seemed much colder last night. "Yeah, he hit his head during a car chase." Finn facepalmed next to her, but she ignored him. "He's conscious, though," she followed up quickly.

"He did what during a what?!" Poe yelled.

"So," she plowed on, "if you want to maybe come over, we can explain the situation to you."

Poe was silent for a few seconds. Then, "Oh, is that all? You kidnap my best friend and—"

"Hey, I did it to protect him!" she huffed. "You weren't there! You don't know what's going on! The First Order is—"

"The First Order?" he repeated seriously.

"Yes."

"I'm on my way."

"I'll text you the address."

"Thanks, Rey."

"No problem, Poe," she replied, cheered by his change of tone. Maybe he didn't hate her after all! "Damn, when did I start caring what other people think of me? What have you done to me, Ben Solo?"

——————

A/N: I just want everybody to be friends, okay?! New chapter next Friday! I can guarantee more smut with a side of angst!

[ethereousdelirious]

Yada yada yada I'm on mobile and can't do a read more and I'm not going to butcher this fic by censoring all the names so vanillas please don't be weird or abusive to me on this post. It's not maintagged, so the only reason you're seeing it is because of Tumblr fucking idiotic decision to show posts that haven't been tagged

Anyway. Here's that request for sick!Yasha~ Let's hope the formatting doesn't get all fucked up

For Yasha, waking up in pain was not a novelty or even an unwelcome surprise. Pain was merely the byproduct of work and would fade, as all things did, in time.

Today, however, was unusual. Yesterday had been easy. Like the others, she spent part of the day walking and part of the day riding in the cart. They hadn't fought. They'd even made camp early and she'd spent some time sitting in the grass talking with Caleb.

Why then, did her joints ache like she had spent the day hauling cargo for the circus? Why was her head pounding in time with the drumbeat of her pulse?

"Up and at 'em, Yasha!" Beau gave her arm a light kick.

Yasha sat up slowly. "Morning."

"'Deuces is already done with breakfast. You'd better hurry before Nott eats it all."

"I wouldn't let her," Caduceus said from over by the fire.

Nott glared at him, her eyes shiny. "Like you could stop me."

Yasha laughed lightly and got to her feet. "I didn't mean to sleep in so late." She shuffled over to the fire and sat down beside Fjord. Beau followed her and squeezed in beside Jester.

"You didn't even move when Fjord tried to wake you up," Jester said. "You just kind of--" She threw her head back and opened her mouth, a caricature of Yasha asleep on her back with her mouth open.

"Oh." Yasha looked at what everyone was eating, some sort of oatmeal with berries, and decided she didn't want any. "Was I snoring?"

"Only a little bit," Beau said. "It was kinda cute actually."

"Like purring," Caleb agreed. He snapped a Frumpkin appeared in Yasha's lap.

Yasha buried her fingers in the soft fur, still feeling strangely hungover and overworked. "Caduceus?"

"Hm?"

"Do you have any," she hesitated, still not quite used to just asking for things from this strange new family, "mint tea?"

"Yeah, I'm sure I have something like that." Caduceus sat back and began to pull things from his bag. "Anyone else?"

The group murmured their mixed assents and declinations. Caduceus prepared some water to boil.

"We should probably get a move on sooner rather than later," Fjord spoke up.

"We will," Caduceus said, unconcerned. "This won't take long."

Fjord looked like he wanted to argue, but fell silent.

"Sorry," Yasha said, suddenly hyper aware of how the group might perceive her. "I didn't mean-- I don't want to hold us up."

"It's fine, Fjord is just antsy," Jester reassured her. "You know he can't sit still."

"I have the cure for that," Beau stood up and grabbed Fjord by the collar. "C'mon. Let's go do some push-ups since you're so energetic."

"Save me," Fjord whispered as he was dragged away, and then he was gone.

Yasha chuckled. Sitting like this was nice. Her joints didn't feel quite so sore and her head only hurt when moved too quickly. 

When Caduceus handed her a steaming mug of mint tea, she drank it down quickly so as not to hold anyone up more than she already had.

At first it was pleasant, warming her body against the chill of the morning air.

But the heat didn't fade. By the time they packed the wagon and started down the path, she was sweating. Each step felt like it took twice the effort that it normally would.

She went silent as she walked, trying to figure out what could be wrong. Had she been poisoned? She knew Fjord and Nott were mistrustful of her now, but they wouldn't-- Would they?

No. Yasha shook her head to clear it. They wouldn't. Maybe��� It was a slim possibility, but it was the only one that made logical sense. Maybe she was sick.

Yasha was rarely ill, especially not like this. The last time she'd been sick, she had caught a head cold off Molly, and continued to work while he draped himself all over her and complained that he was dying.

She smiled at the memory and let it fade before the pain of his loss could come sneaking in. So she was sick. She could handle it.

Jester stood at the front of the wagon and watched the ground move as she prepared to do something phenomenally stupid. Swallowing her fear, she jumped over the side of the wagon. She managed to land on her feet, but the momentum caused her to stumble and fall.

"Aw, man," she complained loudly, mostly so the others would know she wasn't badly hurt.

"Please don't do that again!" Fjord said from his spot at the front of the wagon. "At least, not without warning me first."

"Sorry!" Jester looked at the dust on her palms. Satisfied that she wasn't bleeding, she wiped them off on her dress.

"Here." Yasha's imposing silhouette blocked out the sun. She extended a hand to Jester and helped her to her feet.

"Thanks, Yasha!" Jester fell into step beside her. "I don't know what I thought was going to happen, but I was hoping it would be cooler than that."

Yasha laughed, but her gaze seemed far away. "Maybe Beau can teach you some tricks."

"Sounds fun!" Beau shouted from the far side of the wagon.

Jester shouted back and soon she and Beau were having a loud conversation about the proper form and practical applications of a forward roll.

She got so wrapped up in it that she didn't even notice when Yasha disappeared from her periphery. It was only when Caleb politely asked them to stop shouting (followed by a less polite request from Nott) that Jester looked around and realized that Yasha had fallen behind.

She was trailing several feet behind the wagon, her feet dragging in the dust and her head lowered.

Jester jogged back to her. "Hey, Yasha! Are you okay?"

Yasha's eyes were hazy, unfocused. She looked at Jester helplessly. "I'll be okay."

"What's wrong?" The wagon was pulling farther away from them but Jester paid it no mind. "Your face is all red. Are you sick?" She stood on her tiptoes and cupped a hand to Yasha's forehead. "Yasha!" she gasped, half-scandalized. "Did you know you have a fever?"

"I do?" Yasha slumped forward suddenly, like the realization had taken her strength away. "I don't get sick."

"Everybody gets sick," Jester said. She smoothed a few errant locks of hair out of Yasha's face. "Oh, poor Yasha."

"I really don't," Yasha said, her brow knit in confusion. "Not like this."

"You've really never had a fever before?"

Yasha shook her head.

"That's okay, I'll look after you!" Jester said. Then her head snapped up. "Oh. Shit." She screwed up her face in concentration. "Hey, Fjord! Stop the wagon for a second! Me and Yasha got behind. We're fine though, don't worry. We'll be right there. How many words was that?"

"I wasn't counting."

"Yeah, me either." Jester shrugged. "Well, they stopped. Can you walk? 'Cause I bet I can totally carry you."

"I can walk."

The others were waiting for them expectantly, varying degrees of concern on their faces.

"We're fine!" Jester said, making shooing gestures. "We're just going to ride in the back for a bit. Okay?" This last word was directed at Caleb and Nott, who had been riding nestled amongst their supplies.

"Ja, that's fine." Caleb shrugged and invited Nott to scurry up onto his shoulders.

"Okay, come on, Yasha." Jester helped her climb into the back. The she popped her head out from behind the cover. "Okay, stop staring already! We're fine. Let's go."

"O-kay?" Fjord started to walk back around to the front. "Beau, want to ride with me for a bit?"

"Sure." Beau kept casting curious looks at Jester, but she went with Fjord. The wagon started to move again and Jester turned back to face Yasha.

"Okay, I'll get you all taken care of, I promise."

"Thanks," Yasha said, looking a touch awkward. "I'm not really sure what to do."

"Well for starters," Jester dug through their supplies and pulled out her bedroll, then Yasha's. "I'm going to make you the comfiest little nest ever." She arranged the blankets and pillows to her liking and motioned for Yasha to lie down. "Umm, let's see. Are you hot? Your face is really red."

"Yes," Yasha said immediately. Her skin felt overheated and irritated. Even the texture of the blankets was almost painful on her bare arms.

"Okay, hang on." Jester started to go through her pockets, eventually producing a small scrap of cloth.

Yasha watched as Jester carefully poured some water over it. "What's that for?"

"It's going to go on your forehead," Jester explained. "Like this." She leaned over and carefully draped the wet cloth over Yasha's brow. "Lie back or it will fall off."

"Oh," Yasha said as immediate, blissful relief washed over her.

"I wish I had another one for the back of your neck," Jester said thoughtfully. "Maybe Caleb has a handkerchief in one of his 600 pockets."

"Jester," Yasha took her hand. "This is. Wonderful. Thank you." No one, not even Molly, not even Zuala, had taken care of her like this. It was almost overwhelming. "Really, thank you."

"It's nothing," Jester said, not looking Yasha in the eye. A deep purple brush was beginning to creep up her neck. "Um, anyway, do you want to sleep now?"

"I don't know." Yasha stretched as much as she could in the confines of the cart. "I'm tired, but not that kind of tired."

"How about I tell you a story? I can tell you all about Princess Fancybottom, the most beautiful, well-endowed princess in the whole world."

Yasha smiled. "That would be nice, Jester. You can-- You can lie down next to me if you want."

"Okay." Jester nodded, satisfied. "Close your eyes so you can really picture the story, okay?"

"That's a good idea, actually. I'm probably way colder than you are." Jester scooted in next to Yasha, settling in so their arms touched. "Ooh, you are warm. Let me know if you start to feel worse, okay?"

"I will."

Yasha closed her eyes. Jester began her tale of Princess Fancybottom as the cart rolled along the simple dirt path.

Yasha knew that the world was full of dangers and discomforts that she would eventually have to face, but in this moment, all she felt was safe.

[erenthecoordinate]

Hello. Please share your thoughts about the latest couple of chapters/Zeke's backstory.

Not gonna lie, this probably one of the most emotional chapters I’ve read in a while.  I’ve been asking for a Zeke-centric chapter that would explain his motives and we got it in the classical heartbreaking fashion that this series is known to dish out.  AND it includes an explosive cliffhanger that Michael Bay would be proud of and make a good portion of the fandom look at a panel at 200% zoom and contrast change for 3 days.

I think the last time I talked about Zeke on this blog, I mentioned that I believe there is a chance Zeke is being genuine with working on Eldia’s side, but it wasn’t yet clear how much he wanted to include Paradis in the fruits of his potential “free the people” plan.  Yeah, so, things have changed obviously.  But not as drastically as I was led to believe after chapter 112.  By ch113, I figured there was more to the story with Zeke, since it seemed that his intentions for escaping was based on a time restraint and the fact he couldn’t trust Levi in the end.  Fortunately for his fans and unfortunately for Zeke, Levi’s plot armor saved him this time.  Only for fate to be teased once more!  Ugh!

I’m going to give a few super brief hot takes that I posted before but Tumblr decided to throw it into the abyss the first time.  This is going to be the least analytical and organized list I’ve ever written so be kind:

Finally, a flashback chapter of the most mysterious guy in this series

…AND HE’S CUTE!?

Oh my god.

Grisha and Dina are not the worst parents nor bad people but hell if they aren’t misguided, radical, and negligent of their only son.

This gives me middle school flashbacks.

I didn’t expect Zeke to suck at military training, to be honest.  They really did just call him a child prodigy for his miracle abilities and the fact he betrayed his parents.

Which I don’t entirely blame him anymore…if it wasn’t his free decision, he was influenced by a replacement nurturing parental figure to do it.  Ouch.

I was mad when these spoilers came out but now it makes sense why this is Zeke’s motive.

I’m pretty confident Eren is double crossing Zeke now.

Zeke is not dead.  Levi is not dead.  Splash text is clickbait.

I don’t even think Levi lost any arms, but we won’t know until 2 or 3 chapters from now.  Hope he knows how to swim!

For wordy rambling, please read on--

As most of the fandom assumed, this chapter was going to be primarily a flashback containing Zeke’s childhood.  And it’s a heavy reveal that spirals into his present-day motives.  It opens up with another scene that illustrates exactly how mistreated and disrespected Eldians are, the janitor going so far as to question why they are “breeding” for more devils.  This is unsurprisingly traumatizing to Zeke and those words are the seeds that flourish the plant of self-hatred soon to wreak havoc.  On the other hand, Grisha vents his frustrations and feeds the idea that their only salvation is to be free from their internment.  They have barely enough freedom to leave their residence and to do so require legal permission.  At this point, we’re familiar enough with how Marley reacts to Eldians both in the past and present day and those views haven’t changed no matter the year.  The story makes us aware that other nations prefer the race to be eradicated whereas Marley’s action is to keep them controlled, though of course there are people who support the former option.  It’s demeaning enough to be ostracized but threatened with genocidal wishes from the general public induces a lot of paranoia and, in the Restorationists’ case, rage.

Zeke is considerably mellow though.  There is no contempt because he’s too busy appeasing his parents.  He struggles with his training and falls far too short from the other warrior candidates.  But he is nothing but loyal to Grisha and Dina, even lying to his grandparents about how his father lectures him about their history.  Zeke uniquely gets two different teachings, but interestingly we don’t see him doubting either of them.  He seems to absorb more of what Grisha is saying, but doesn’t confess that to his grandparents, and simply nods and follows along to whatever is being read to him.  Most of his anxiety is reaching the expectation of becoming a warrior like his parents wanted.

His parents don’t make it a mystery to Zeke that him becoming a warrior is part of their restoration plan.  It’s not out of glory or that they want to best for him, but he is already exposed to the group as the one to save them all, a beacon of hope that the whole of the Eldian race depends on.

Of course, with the pressure on, Zeke cannot make the cut.  A mix of physical weakness and mental turmoil has Magath questioning Zeke’s integrity.  This brings him trailing behind his comrades, defeated, only to run into one of the current warriors playing catch with himself.  This is where we get a first glimpse of Zeke’s hidden pitching talent.  Tom Xaver, the current Beast Titan whose main job is a titan science researcher, is impressed and Zeke illuminates.

I know he murdered hundreds in very unkind ways, but it is a canon fact he is adorable.

Afterwards, Grisha, Dina, and their restorationist friend Grice become stressed with the fact Zeke isn’t performing to acceptable standards to even qualify to be a candidate of the warrior program, let alone having the chance to harness one of the titans.  Zeke overhears this and is taken back by the urgency. Grisha takes notice and attempts to encourage his son by saying he is special and therefore he can succeed.

Immediately follows probably one of the most depressing, soul-crushing pages that doesn’t include death (unless you count the death of Grisha and Dina’s faith in their son).  You don’t have to like Zeke to feel a twinge of relatability when he nearly breaks down from watching his parents turn away in disappointment.  It’s the worst kind of rejection because there is no improving something you simply cannot do and don’t truly have a passion for, even if you fight tooth and nail for it.

Xaver comments on Zeke’s atrocious training attempt and Zeke admits that his parents are the reason he has to become a warrior.  Xaver loosely describes the “perks” of being a warrior: harness unbelievable power, fight in wars, and die in 13 years by the teeth of your successor.  Avoiding that fate doesn’t grant much freedom, but to Zeke, staying alive for as long as possible is good enough.  To survive is fine.  He doesn’t need to fight to be free.

Naturally, cruel circumstances bombarde Zeke’s world when he overhears that his parents are in serious danger of being discovered.  He attempts to vere them to safer options so that they won’t be sent to Paradis, but Grisha and Dina immediately shut him down.  Living in an oppressed system is damaging to their self-esteem.  Revolution is necessary to change the world.  Zeke is their golden ticket.  There is a fatal risk to all this, but it is all for the name of their people.  For those who died for trying to reach beyond their boundaries.  Grisha omits his guilt over his sister’s death, saying what he wanted was simple.  Did that deserve punishment?  We already know his feelings about that, though.

Zeke on the other hand is convinced that it is all over for his family.  The power others have over them is far greater than his parents can overcome.  Xaver sees his distress and Zeke is quick to surrender any possibility of a long life, grateful he can hold onto memories of him as he eternally sleeps.  Xaver is too fond of Zeke, though, and we learn he is the one who suggests Zeke turn in his parents in order to save himself and his grandparents.  Zeke objects, of course, but it doesn’t take too long for Xaver to convince him that his parents cared more about their agenda than their child’s happiness and wellbeing.  And then that all happens.

Several years pass, and Zeke has gone from adorable to totally handsome.

Err...and he has become a successor to the Beast Titan.  He’s woven a close bond with this man to know progressions concerning his research.  A lot of it is information we already know but to them it’s a mix of theory and hearsay.  The new bit of information we gather is the theory that the Founding Titan can manipulate Eldian’s genetic makeup based on paths alone.  It’s what has saved them from plagues in the past.  Zeke recalls the janitor that harassed him and his parents years ago, and laments on the idea that the Founder can also prevent more Eldians from being born.

Xaver reacts somber over this concept.  He confesses that he used to have a family under disguise as a Marleyan.  It wasn’t until after his wife found out and killed herself and their son out of shame and disgust that he ultimately decided to become a warrior-- so he could die in the most glorified way possible, I guess?  In that time, he was dedicated to his research more than anything, but overall expressed he virtually replaced the void in his heart with Zeke’s presence, which explains why he was so important to him.  It’s kind of touching that they both found  each other to fill in roles that were empty in their lives.  Xaver still exhibits a great deal of self-hatred, something that Zeke can relate to.  At this point, he declares his motive of taking the Beast Titan, recovering the Founder, and stop the cycle of suffering by effectively ending the existence of Eldians altogether.  It’s...certainly a goal, albeit a method of giving in to their circumstances and accepting that they cannot fight against this oppression, so that the best thing to actually do is not exist.  Because no matter what they do, to exist is to suffer, and what kind of life is that?

The flashback closes with Levi overhearing Zeke mutter that the only salvation for Eldia is their euthanasia, and that all the deaths he is responsible for was a method of setting them free.  Of course, Levi doesn’t buy it and prepares for another round of Chopped.  Zeke appears to be only partially lucid when he shouts for his dead mentor to watch his next move.

In a matter of seconds, Zeke jerks the string that pulls the fuse and Levi looks to try to make a quick escape.  Zeke risks it all in an explosion that splits his body in parts, though it looks like his neck and head are still intact.  Meanwhile, Levi is blown back a distance with some blood trailing from his body due to ambiguous injuries.  And there is our cliffhanger of the volume!

I know I basically just summarized the chapter with some flavor additions, but there are a few things that drove me to a pit of emotions and questions during the spoiler drop.  Context from the fully translated chapter fixed a lot of my primary thoughts.

The Zekecrets

First big gain from this chapter is Zeke’s motive!  Finally, the zekecret is out!  And it’s rooted from a traumatic childhood and is buzzing with controversy.  I can’t say I agree with Zeke’s idea of ending the Eldian race by sterilizing them and killing those that he can.  But I will say that considering his experiences as a child and that discussion with Xaver had inspired this motive and, therefore, makes a lot of sense.  We’ve seen Zeke as a kind of chessmaster with many tricks up his sleeve yet was a shroud of mystery.  He has killed without mercy, he has betrayed his country, and he has turned that people he claimed to protect into Titans.  But to him, these deaths are convenient and align to his ultimate goal.

It’s honestly hard to believe that a character that has convinced people that his empathy level is so low that he barely even forms any attachments (as evidence with his betrayal) started off as an extremely sensitive and emotionally intelligent child.  His confidence is constantly challenged because of his blood from both sides.  His parents put him on a pedestal because his relation to them is what makes him special and therefore he must succeed.  On the other front, he is subjected to harsh ostracization from the general Marleyan public for simply being Eldian.  And at training, being the weaker of the child soldiers, he is put down by instructors and his trainee peers.  And even so, he still finds a bit of salvation in learning how to pitch while having some close conversation with a kind stranger.  Where he can’t find affection and acceptance in one area, he finds it in Xaver.

Still, the reality is that he is given these expectations that he himself simply has no strong drive to achieve nor the physical strength.  He presses on for the sake of his parents, but only his success will gain their acceptance and...he is unable to do it.  I think the most heartbreaking thing about this is that he accepts that he is somewhat of a tool for their agenda yet he sticks his neck out in hopes that he gets affectionate attention from his parents.  The fact he watches a child play ball with their father on his way home show that it’s an attention he craves because he doesn’t receive it often.  Even when he knows they are soon to get caught, Zeke’s first instinct is to say his goodbyes and surrender to whatever fate has in store for him.  To him, he is useless to carve his own path.  He has failed his parents, the Restorationists, the whole Eldian race, and himself.

Parenting Contrast: Grisha&Dina v Carla

I do briefly want to say that I don’t think Grisha and Dina were bad people, they are bad (not worst) parents and were too radicalized in their beliefs to realize that their son was emotionally struggling with self-esteem issues.  Anything they knew about Zeke was very on the surface.  Their priority was the revolution.  They manufactured a child for this due to their ignorance and anger.  But I don’t think they didn’t care about Zeke at all.  Zeke, to them, was to gain just as much of a positive outcome and life of freedom if he succeeded.  They were never aware of the pressure they put on Zeke.  Grisha later assumed that their negligence was the reason for Zeke’s betrayal and he never blames him for it.

Ironically, though, Eren is the appropriate child Grisha could have had for his revolution before it rapidly failed.  Second time’s the charm?  This is likely due to Eren’s lack of responsibility.  There were no dire expectations until later in his life.  Carla parented opposite of Dina and Grisha, believing that not everyone has to be special to be great.  Eren had more options open to him. 

Regardless, I don’t think Grisha quite parented the same way as he did with Zeke, but it may have been a bit difficult to keep reactions to certain circumstances subtle.  I don’t know if we’ll ever get more insight about why Eren used to be a weird loner kid that followed life through “the strong conquer the weak” system.  I just have a sneaking suspicion that it’s due to indirect mimicking of Grisha’s behavior.  After all, a real issue in this series are ignorant adults.  Or sometimes kids are just weird and easily influenced.  Unfortunately, in the end, Grisha does resort back to pressing responsibility on his second son, most likely because of their dire situation and Eren’s willingness to break free.  Because Eren is his son, of course.

Bit by bit, however, Zeke seems to be progressively aware of the obsession his parents have over their revolution plan.  They spend very little time with him, so he is often spending time with his grandparents, effectively keeping the cover up for his parents.  And any time they do spend with him is spent reversing the studies he has learned at school.  Zeke accepts the lessons but isn’t enthused.  I mentioned that he doesn’t really seem to question which history is correct and which isn’t; he doesn’t cast doubts on either and it’s difficult to say whether Grisha’s teachings were ones he felt were more accurate or that he was just parroting in order to gain approval.  A majority of his interactions with his parents are “yes” and nods.  

When Xaver comes into the picture and Zeke projects him as a father figure, he becomes more aware of his parents’ actions.  Which is why I don’t think it was especially a struggle for Zeke to believe Xaver when he told him that his parents don’t really care about him and that it’ll be worth selling them out if it means he and his grandparents get to live.  Zeke is very good at shutting down his emotions at this moment.  He is, however, not without heart though, because he continues to nurture that fondness for Xaver, who he is later a successor to.  In fact, he is the reason why Zeke entertains the idea that Eldians should stop reproducing.

The Plan and is Eren actually part of this?

This is where things get controversial, of course.  On one hand, technically, no longer existing means that they would no longer have to suffer.  Zeke says those on Paradis are ignorant to what the world has in store for them.  This isn’t to buy more time to properly unite with other nations, it was time to stop reproduction altogether and (probably) eliminate the Eldians on Paradis.  To Zeke it’s merciful to end this.  But it’s still genocide.  And I don’t believe this is the ultimate answer nor do I believe Eren is actually going to end up accepting this plan.

Unlike Zeke, Eren grew up with an everlasting flame that urged him to seek freedom in every format.  Freedom of his environment, freedom of his choices, etc.  He too gets weighed down by crushing expectations, becoming something of a tool for the military and government to achieve victory, but it is something that he genuinely wants.  Included, he still had the compassion of his comrades.  He wished them long lives.  He believes that people deserve to live simply by being born into the world.  Their existence gives them the right to freedom.  It gives them a chance to fight.  Sterilization is a big surrender.  Death and prevention of life, robbing that choice from others, is completely contradicting to anything Eren has ever learned, said, or believed in.  And I think his reaction to Willy’s words at the festival is a key indicator that his intention is to keep the Eldians alive.  I’m not sure how far ahead Eren is in terms of double crossing his brother, but at the very least, I think that if he knows Zeke’s true intentions, he has found or is finding a way to skirt around that option and use Zeke for his own plans.

I plan to write a progression meta theorizing Eren’s motives that edits and re-publishes with every reveal in each chapter but basically my guess is that Eren does know what Zeke wants and that he has been playing along with Zeke’s orchestrated plan, festival, Warhammer Titan, prisonbreak, etc. to earn loyalty points.  Which unfortunately included him killing innocents in the process.  But if Zeke really does believe their deaths are their true freedom, then Eren has to convince Zeke that he believe the same too.  Doesn’t mean he hasn’t internally struggled as a result.  But for now, Eren’s individual thoughts remain an enigma so it’s difficult to pinpoint his exact intentions at the moment.

Explosive (haha) End

Anyway, the other big thing was Zeke’s dramatic escape act which required an enormous explosion and the splitting of his own body.  Uh, yuck!  But I can’t help but feel a bit tickled that we actually have a panel with Zeke’s detached ass in the air.  His torso, including his neck and head, are more or less together, so he can easily pull off the Reiner trick to implant his brain to elsewhere on the nervous system so that he can regenerate from there.  So, yeah, Zeke will be fine.  And probably pantless if he can’t recover his lower half.

Levi, on the other hand, has no regenerating powers and appears pretty injured if the blood splattering off his body is anything to go by.  He wasn’t as close to the explosion, so it’s possible any injuries he sustained are because of the shooting debris and/or his sword, which he still had out in front guarding his body prior to the fuse going off.  I remember when the first grainy image of this panel came out and everyone was zooming in and tracing areas to figure out if Levi lost anything.  I think it’s consensus now that Levi has both legs intact and at the very least his left arm.  The only big question is whether his right arm is there and any other injuries on his torso or face that may exist.  If you want my personal visual analysis and theory, I think his injuries are not fatal nor crippling, meaning all his limbs are intact, but he probably has decent sized gashes on his body to have him temporarily side-lined.  I think the angle of the drawing and multiple gradients to indicate fast motion and blood direction is meant to give the reader uncertainty but in the end it’ll reveal that nothing was lost.  At least, I hope so.  It would be absolutely disheartening and irresponsible to put him out of commission for the rest of the series and the rest of his life-- I think out of all the suffering Levi has gone through, he definitely doesn’t deserve to feel completely useless to do anything,  Plus it’d be extremely underwhelming to set your strongest and most popular character on the bench before the big climax.

I will say that Levi is definitely not dead, though.  None of the notable deaths we’ve seen have been obscured by body angles.  They’ve been explicitly shown without debate on their status, Erwin and Sasha especially.  I believe the only off-screen deaths the series has had was Moblit and Ymir, and even then the scenes before then leave you no doubt to their inevitable fate.  Even Marco eventually got a scene of his death.  And neither of these deaths happened as cliffhangers.  But false death cliffhangers have always been a thing in the series.  Plus, I think Levi is far more deserving of a multi-panel, half chapter death scene if he were to die at all.

I do think he will land in the river and those injuries will prevent him from fighting effectively against the current to stay in his location.  I believe the convenient landscape was rather deliberate as it gives Zeke enough time and lonesomeness to recover and seek Eren.  Really, the explosion was an excuse to remove Levi from the scene and quickly be transported elsewhere.  But I want to bet we won’t find out Levi’s fate for another couple chapters.  Because Isayama is just that cruel!

....

Sorry this got extensive.  I’m still building up on these thoughts, so nothing is definite or without possibility of change.  But to summarize, Zeke’s childhood is sad, his plan is genocide and Eren ain’t about that life, Yeagerbros are dramatic people and forever interesting to me, and Levi is alive and battered but not handicapped.

That said, I would love to hear from everyone else about what they thought of the chapter.  Were you sympathetic to Zeke’s backstory?  Is he irredeemable?  What’s Eren’s role in all this?  Does he actually subscribe to Zeke’s scheme of eliminating all Eldians to end their suffering, or does he have other tricks up his sleeve?  Is Levi alive? How bad are his injuries?  Does he know how to swim?

Will I ever recover from the emotional rollercoaster this chapter has put me though?

Thanks for sending this ask!  I haven’t meta’d in a while and this honestly is inspiring to write again!

[jamiebluewind]

The Hidden Rose: Chapter 3

Chapter 3: The Vigilant, The Active, The Brave

Notes

Virgil's perspective

Word Count: 1755

Chapter Warnings: anxiety, mild panic attack, cursing (please message me if I missed any)

Links

The Hidden Rose: Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7

Virgil didn't know what was off, but something was off. He did his best to keep the feeling from impacting Thomas. He stayed on top of his breathing exercises. He listened to music while scrolling through Tumblr. He made sure to eat and sleep regularly. Nothing helped. He could still feel something humming through his being saying that he needed to keep his guard up. That Thomas was in danger.

When a feeling of dread hit him so hard it nearly took his breath away, he started looking for a source. At first, he assumed it was Deceit, but after trailing him for two days he ruled him out. Then he checked and double checked everything going on in Thomas' life before checking on his friends and family. After sifting through all the data, the only thing he found was that Thomas had been a little unproductive lately and Joan forgot their jacket last week.

Running out of ideas, he pulled up their version of YouTube which contained every video Thomas had ever watched. He filtered to show only videos Thomas himself was in and that were under six months old before settling in. There was always a chance that the source of his dread had been caught on camera. He tried to listen in on most of the videos, but there was a chance that he missed something. If not, there were worse ways to spend a day.

The minutes ticked by. Virgil found that he was really enjoying himself. It was fun seeing everything from a new perspective. Thomas seemed fine for the most part. Patton had his smile back. Logan seemed better than normal... if a bit more sticky. And Roman was... Roman was...

“Wait,” Virgil whispered to himself as he skipped backward ten seconds at a time. He furrowed his brows and chewed on the corner of his nail as he stared at the prince. Something about the way Roman moved was wrong and his eyes didn't hold their normal fire. Virgil had noticed something similar in their last meeting, but shrugged it off. He thought Roman was having an off day.

The video went on. Roman got worse. Virgil slowed the speed, but the camera didn't lie. The something that was off was Roman and whatever was going on was serious.

---

Virgil wracked his brain for how Roman looked the last time he saw him. Had it really been three weeks? “Shit,” Virgil hissed. A lot can go wrong in three weeks.

Virgil sunk down into the commons and called for Roman, but nothing happened. He focused on where Roman's room would be housed inside Thomas' mind, but he couldn't feel anything. Panicking, he sunk down again and appeared in Thomas' house.

“Thomas!” he screamed. He scanned the room. It was dark and he couldn't hear a TV meaning Thomas had to be in bed. He turned to run up the stairs only to be blocked by an invisible force. He beat against it as his heart pounded in his chest.

An idea popped in his head. He morphed into Talyn and held out his hand. It passed through. “Damn reality column,” Virgil muttered as he climbed the stairs. He held onto his pants to keep them from falling off his much smaller frame.

Virgil turned the doorknob leading into Thomas' bedroom and threw open the door. He was greeted by a screaming Thomas who fell off his bed with a thump. The headphone jack jerked out of his discarded laptop causing the familiar sounds of The Office to fill the room. “Thomas!” Virgil screamed. It came out softer and higher than what he was used to.

“Talyn?!?” Thomas replied in shock. “WHAT THE HELL!?!”

Virgil held up a finger. “First off, not Talyn,” he said before holding up another finger. “Second, call Roman.”

Thomas squinted his eyes. “Virgil?” he asked, somehow even more confused than before.

Virgil took a deep breath and tried to calm himself while releasing just enough anxiety to trigger the adrenaline Thomas needed to focus. “Yes,”  he answered. “I had to change into Talyn to get up here. Something is wrong with Roman and I can't reach him. I need your help.”

Thomas blinked rapidly before nodding. “We should head downstairs so I can call Patton and Logan too. They might be able to help.”

---

The two made their way downstairs. Virgil took his place at his regular spot and reverted back to his normal form. He breathed in and started counting. Whatever was going on, Roman and Thomas needed Virgil as calm as possible.

Thomas turned on the lights and walked to the center of the room. “Logan? Patton?” Thomas called. The two sides in question popped up. Logan stood in a unicorn onesie holding a cup of tea. Patton stood in a cat onesie with a coloring book in his left hand and a blue crayon in his right.

“Little late to be shooting a video, hey kiddo?” Patton said with a smile. He somehow still gave off a fatherly aura despite his wardrobe.

“Agreed,” Logan stated now having dispersed of the cup and changed into his normal attire. “This is highly unusual behavior.”

“It's not for a video guys,” Thomas said looking solemn. “Virgil informed me that he can't reach Roman, so I brought you guys here just in case something is wrong. Have either of you seen him recently?”

Logan raised his left hand to his chin. “I believe the last time I spoke with him was thirteen days ago,” he answered as he crossed his arms. “He looked tired, but no more so than when he has an idea and stays up a day or so working on it. The last correspondence I had was when I sent him a memo detailing the aborted surprise party and subsequent low-key gift exchange. He simply returned the unopened letter with the word 'NO' written in red ink. That was six days ago.” He paused before sighing. “At the time, I just assumed he was being more exhausting than normal.”

“It was maybe a week for me,” Patton replied. His hands had dropped to his sides. Worry seemed to overtake his entire being. Virgil's heart broke at the sight. “He had missed two movie nights, so I went to his room. It was messier than normal, but not bad. I went up to his bedroom and knocked...” tears stared to flow. “He said he was fine,” he said through a choked sob. “That he had been busy and he was sorry. He promised to come to the next one. I should have... I... I should have...”

“Patton,” Thomas said, calm but firm with his hand raised towards the trembling father figure. “It's okay. We're gonna fix this. Okay?” Patton nodded in return.

Thomas looked toward the TV. “Roman?” he called. Nothing happened. Thomas shifted his feet. “Roman,” he said louder and with more authority. Again nothing. “Guys...” he said looking towards the others. “It's not working.”

The sides looked at each other hoping for answers, but it was Logan who spoke. “Thomas...” he said tapping his chin. “When was the last time you created anything?”

Thomas paused to think before pulling out his phone. “Five days ago,” he replied. “I posted a short.”

“How do you feel about it?” Logan continued.

Thomas gave him a puzzled look. “It's just a video,” he said. “It's not really good or bad, but it did get my average number of likes.”

“And how long since you have seen a handsome young man?” Logan asked in a way far more serious than the question seemed to warrant.

“Um...” Thomas said, quickly blinking like he just had cold water thrown in his face. “I have no idea, but I haven't left the house in days, so-”

“Not even in your dreams?” Logan asked, cutting Thomas off.

“No...” Thomas replied. “Actually, I haven't dreamed in a while either.”

Logan adjusted his glasses as the others exchanged knowing glances. He raised his left hand. “No creativity, no ego, no dreams, and no acknowledgment of those within the perimeters of your normal attraction,” he stated as he gestured with each point. “You are currently without Roman's influence.”

“He's cut off,” Virgil said. His eyes were wide, but his voice was quiet and calm.

“Like you were?” Patton asked Virgil, his eyes pleading.

Virgil shook his head, trying not to see Patton deflate. “No...” he said. “With me I cut myself off, but this... it's like his room isn't even there.”

Logan closed his eyes as if searching for it himself. When they opened again, they were filled with rage. He pushed a breath hard and fast past his lips like he was trying to blow out a room full of candles. “It's still there,” he said, “but his entire room has been blocked off, keeping any energy from escaping and getting to Thomas. Roman is most likely sealed inside.”

“Well,” Virgil said. His crooked smile took on a menacing tone as he stood to his full height, “looks like we have to go get him then.”

“Do you need me to take you there?” Thomas asked.

The three sides stood still for a moment as each tried to sink down to Roman's room. Nothing happened.

“Sorry kiddo,” Patton replied. “We can't get in without you.” His sad frown turned up at the corners with a bit of mischief. “Whoever put up the barrier must have used a pat-lock.”

Logan groaned. “Must you do that even now?” he said.

Patton shrugged. “What can I say? I can never key-p a good pun to myself.”

Virgil couldn't help but smile at Patton. Even though he was worried about Roman, he was still trying to lighten the mood. He was always looking out for them.

Virgil looked over at Thomas. He could feel the anxiety buzzing inside him just out of sight. “You ready for this?” he asked.

Thomas took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “Yeah,” he said. “Let's go save Roman.” Thomas brought his fingertips to his temples. “Picturing my fantasies and wildest dreams.”

“I'm getting a migraine already,” Logan mumbled as they began to sink down.

“Padre's coming for ya kiddo!” Patton said with a shout.

“You better be okay Princy,” Virgil said to himself. He closed his eyes as they hit the dark space between. “Please be okay.”

[sugainmycoffee]

Yoonmin Fandom Metrics

 Last month a survey was conducted to analyze the metrics of the Yoonmin fandom. Here are some of the responses:

Of these 903 responses, 826 of them (92%) of the respondents had selected that yoonmin are their only ship, their main ship or one of their main ships. This group is the one that will be focused on for the rest of this analysis. (Also was that one person lost? Did you get home okay?)

Of this focus group who mainly ship yoonmin, the bias distribution was:

Unsurprisingly, Min Yoongi and Park Jimin, the two individuals responsible for the YOON and the MIN in yoonmin, came out as the top two biases’. 

However, Min Yoongi, with a staggering count of 453 votes (55%) heavily outweighed all the other members, hereby proving that he was in fact not fucking around when he claimed “Sorry mom, your son’s too popular,” in his Mic Drop verse. 

As a follow up to these results, respondents provided their second bias (if any) to help the other members stand a chance against Rap God Min Yoongi. 

(He still took a whopping 23% of the votes). 

The most interesting part about these graphs is that it alludes to the fact that most yoonmin stans bias Yoongi (not Jimin, although he is obviously second in rank). This is probably due to the fact that of the “popular” bangtan ships, Jimin’s name comes up multiple times. Thus Jimin stans are more evenly split in who they ship Jimin with, but there are not that many “popular” Yoongi ships.

A little more detail on the focus group and how they came to stan bts and ship yoonmin is summarized in the following graphs.

BTS’ popularity has grown exponentially, with the greatest increase seen from 2014-2015 due to the release of their HYYH series. A parallel trend was observed in this analysis with the growth of the Yoonmin Fandom.

The next part of the survey focused on “Secondary Fan Creations” as Mr. Bang likes to call them. This includes but is not limited to: fan art, fan fiction, photo edits, video edits, blog posts, memes and so forth.

The results show that 99% of us are on Tumblr for the right reasons.

In terms of creating fan content, 31% of the respondents bless us on the daily with their contributions to the fandom. (Amen.) The rest of the majority enjoys and wishes to contribute to doing the lord’s work. 2% of the respondents who consider yoonmin their main or only ship do not create or want to create fan content because they think it is wrong (and that’s okay - to each their own). 

The next question was the most revealing and one of the most important to this analysis. Of the 861 responses, 640 voted that the reason they ship yoonmin is due to their relationship / interactions themselves. Only 2-4% of the respondents said they shipped yoonmin because of how they look together/aesthetics, fan content, external influences, or the availability of yoonmin materials in the fandom itself. This outright disproves the common (and tired) anti-yoonmin stan (and “rare pair” stan) claims that yoonmin is usually shipped for these reasons.  

Of the 30 respondents that chose “other” their reasons often eluded to specifics moments / interactions by yoonmin. Some of the more notable mentions are:

“They look like they understand each other’s struggles.“

“Their real and supportive friendship, they know each other's limits and share their vulnerabilities, so soft for each other, involve each other in the most intimate parts of their life.”

“Everything?? Idk they just vibe with me best, they're lovely and sift but also savage and have a really fun dynamic that i enjoy best.. they calm me when I’m upset as well which is like surprising bc I don’t calm down easily. +their soft moments like the earlier answer.” 

“Because Yoongi is so whipped for Jimin and they look at each other like they have galaxies in their eyes“ 

“They look like they are real / they act like they are married / they honestly seem like they’re in love.” 

“the way they are with each other in general. platonic or not, they love each other, care for each other a lot and it's nice to see. “

“From what I saw, it felt very real. Like yeah, I could get that super unbreakable bond with all of the BTS ships but for some reason, Yoonmin just stuck out for me and it felt really genuine and not just for fanservice.“ 

“Just...everything” (Many of you said this or voted for multiple categories from the above so everything x 10)

“You Know” (thank you Anonymous, I do know :’). 

There were so many other great ones yoonmin is such a soft ship with even softER STANS istg but I won’t post them all here but you can see them in this supporting post.

It is commonly believed that ALL yoonmin stans only ship them because of the “typical” subby bottom jimin/ dom top yoongi stereotype. The data below proves this is untrue - as 34% of respondents don’t care at all or like all dynamics equally, and 18% prefer a more balanced switch relationship dynamic. Combined, the votes for these categories make up over 50% of the responses, signifying that, no, not all yoonmin stans, in fact not even the majority of yoonmin stans, ship them for this reason. 

It should be noted though that, of the 48% of fans who expressed a preference for a specific relationship dynamic, 5% preferred top jimin and 43% preferred top yoongi (so yeah, top yoongi is more popular, but only to the minority group of the stans who actually have a specific dynamic preference).

Similar results were observed for which dynamics yoonmin stans feel are most realistic.

FANDOM FAVOURITES

Special thanks to my partner in research @syubd​ ♡ who organized and compiled the below lists of fandom faves.

Note, I have removed the “N/A” and “All” from the rank to more accurately reflect individual favourites. Furthermore, I have removed myself from the rank to eliminate an obvious bias as it is my survey most of the people who took it would be my followers (but thank you to all the people who chose me as their fave!)

TOP 10 FAVOURITE YOONMIN BLOGS

N/A - 260 votes

All YM Blogs - 107 votes

@yoonminist​ - 182 votes

@yoonmin​ - 97 votes

@foolsyoongi​ - 64 votes

@yoonminficrec​ - 48 votes

@parkjizzmin​ - 41 votes

@softeyoongi​ - 37 votes

@jimiyoong​ - 27 votes

@yoonminedit​ / @yoonminfiction​ - 25 votes (tied)

@mintysugasweet​ - 22 votes

@yoonminnet​ - 19 votes

Other - 217 votes - LIST OF OTHER MENTIONS

Comments: Congrats to all of the above! The real winner is “N/A” and “All YM Blogs” so tbh if you run a ym blog, don’t be discouraged, you all out here being amazing and we appreciate it!

TOP 10 FAVOURITE YOONMIN ARTISTS

N/A - 474 votes

All YM Artists - 107 votes

@knart95​ - 144 votes

@artofennun​ - 52 votes

@yuniizu​ - 42 votes

@kkumri​ - 30 votes

@finny-red​ - 22 votes

@NanoNoonie - 19 votes

@askjeon​ / @min_x_minmin - 14 votes

@kharys​ - 10 votes

@colorcalamity​ - 8 votes

@thaidesu - 7 votes

Other - 109 votes - LIST OF OTHER MENTIONS

Comments: Congrats to all of the above! Special shout out to literally all fan artists that share their talent with us on the daily. You make this fandom what it is!!

TOP 10 FAVOURITE YOONMIN AUTHORS

N/A - 342 votes

All YM Authors - 122 votes

@MissterMaia - 161 votes

@Sharleena - 71 votes

@sugamins/BabyLove - 70 votes

@mintsoda - 43 votes

@PrettyBoyKiller - 35 votes

@springrain21 - 29 votes

@momora - 28 votes

@staticscreen- 22 votes

@jflawless - 19 votes

@Elemir - 16 votes

Other - 475 votes - LIST OF OTHER MENTIONS

Comments: Congrats to all of the above! LOOK AT THE DAMN OTHERS LIST. SO MANY GOOD AUTHORS TO CHECK OUT!

TOP 10 FAVOURITE BTS SONGS

N/A - 9 votes

All -  23 votes

Spring Day - 41 votes

Intro: Serendipity - 24 votes

Tomorrow / Blood Sweat & Tears - 20 votes

Autumn Leaves / Save Me / Mic Drop 16 votes

Young Forever - 13 votes

Rain / I Need U - 11 votes

Pied Piper - 10 votes

Let Me Know / Baepsae - 9 votes

Lie / Sea - 8 votes

Love Is Not Over / House Of Cards / BTS Cypher 4 - 7 votes

Others - 140 votes

Comments: This category was added to the survery much later and therefore did not have as many responses as the others above. Nonetheless, there’s seems to a correlation between who you ship (yoonmin) and fave BTS song. Many of the songs on this list have “yoonmin parts in the MV/Choreo” like Spring Day and BST, or are song’s where the two have particularly shined and / or produced. (They might also just be on this list because they’re lit songs in which case truuuu I agree). 

DEMOGRAPHICS

YM SURVEY DEMOGRAPHICS: GEOGRAPHIC DISTRIBUTION

Overall, there were ym stans from 74 countries and/or regions that participated in this survey. The below countries were home to 10 or more respondents:

USA - 292 respondents

Germany - 44 respondents

Canada - 33 respondents

UK - 29 respondents

Brazil - 26 respondents

Australia - 24 respondents

Philippines - 24 respondents

England - 20 respondents

Indonesia - 20 respondents

Mexico - 20 respondents

France - 18 respondents

Portugal - 18 respondents

Italy - 14 respondents

Singapore -12 respondents

Sweden - 12 respondents

Turkey - 10 respondents

In addition 15 respondents declared “N/A” to opt out from providing their location information. 

Other - 195 respondents (Click To See Complete List of Respondent Countries)

Argentina - 5 Armenia - 1 Austria - 7 Bahrain - 1 Belarus - 1 Belgium - 2 Chile - 9 China - 2 Colombia - 5 Costa Rica - 3 Croatia - 5 Czech Republic - 5 Denmark - 5 Ecuador - 1 Estonia - 6 Finland - 9 Great Britain - 1 Greece - 6 Guatemala - 4 Hong Kong - 2 Hungary - 5 India - 8 Ireland - 7 Israel - 1 Jamaica - 1 Japan - 1 Kuwait - 1 Lithuania - 1 Macedonia - 1 Malaysia - 9 Maldives - 1 Malta - 1 Morocco - 2 Nepal - 2 Netherlands - 4 New Zealand - 5 Northern Ireland - 1 Norway - 3 Pakistan - 2 Palestine - 4 Peru - 1 Poland - 8 Romania - 6 Russia - 1 Saudi Arabia - 2 Scotland - 2 Serbia - 2 Slovakia - 5 Slovenia - 1 South Africa - 3 South Korea - 1 Southeast Asia - 1 Spain - 9 Switzerland - 4 Thailand - 3 Trinidad and Tobago - 2 Ukraine - 2 Vietnam - 2

THANK YOU ALL FOR PARTICIPATING IN THIS SURVEY!

[writingisbeautiful10]

The Truth About Lilith.-Got7 Series

Trigger Warnings: Death of a character (Murder labeled as suicide). Mention of rape, physical abuse and drugs. Cussing involved. Mentions of struggles with homelessness. 

A/N: As I have said this is going to be a long and rough series. Got7 is not yet mentioned. PLEASE IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE TRIGGER WARNINGS DO NOT READ THIS. All these characters are o/cs. There is probably some mistakes. I will go through this again tomorrow and if tumblr will let me I will correct those mistakes. I hope you enjoy!  ALSO THE SONGS USED IN THIS CHAPTER ARE:

ROOTS BY IN THIS MOMENT & NOBODY'S HOME BY AVRIL LAVIGNE. THESE SONGS WERE JUST INSPIRATION FOR THESE CHARACTERS!

Chapter One: Crystal And Lila’s Introduction

     All I could hear was the band's name. Tiger Bloods. The crowd just kept shouting it in excitement. Tiger Bloods. Now is the part in the chant where they would shout the members names too. Tiger Bloods. Crystal. Mia. Harper. Lila. Here we go again. We walked out on the stage. Now is where we perform. The songs we wrote. The songs we hold so dear to heart. The songs about our own lives. Every damn concert. This feeling did not know when to stop bothering me. Worry. Worry of our music being shared with the rest of the world. It was like sharing pieces of ourselves. 

     The first song. "Roots". It was the song I probably hold closest to my heart. This song was about my struggles as a child and how I grew stronger from it. How these days, I don't mind welcoming pain. Worse pain can do is make me stronger. I will not break. I always tell myself that. I will not break. You can not break me. I look into the crowd and found the very face I was looking for. Elijah. He was the light of everyday for me. For all I know, he's the one reason I did not break these days. He always knew when to be there for me. 

     I continue singing.

     "I bite down a little harder. My blades a little sharper. My roots, my roots run deep into the hollow. I strike back a little harder. I scream a little louder. My roots, my roots run deep into the hollow. I'm stronger than I ever knew. I'm strong because of you. I hit back a little louder. Fuck you a little harder. My roots, my roots run deep into the hollow."

     Most of our fans, when asked what their favorite thing is about us, say it's the realness. The raw emotion in the songs and performance. It's true. It's real. The emotions pouring out of me right now are real. It's anger. It's pain. It's sadness. It's sorrow. It's grief. It's strength. It's growth. It's everything. I pour my heart in these songs especially this one. My fans noticed that too. They love when I sing this song. They sing with me so loud, they don't need a mic to be heard. 

     This song always brings me back to what my past was. The rape I suffered and the beatings. My father and his best friend were evil creatures. Sure, my father kicked his best friend out of his life once he found out about the rape but that didn't stop the beatings he landed on me and my brother. The hellish blood bath he gave us when we stood up for our mother after he beat her too. The drunk finally left our lives when I was sixteen. Took sixteen long years of survival but by then, my mother was so lost. It took me and my brother to save her from herself and her drugs. Took another two years. I was eighteen when the nightmare of my parents ended. Eighteen years, I put on a warrior's face scared to show my emotions to my family. 

     Sure, I was publicly releasing music about my emotions but I used a false name til this year so they didn’t find it. I used to known as Lilith Gold. Now the world knows my real name. Now the world knows all of our real names. We stopped hiding. We were sick of it. 

     "You want to know why I like the pain, you say? There's a sick part of me thankful for the hate. I, I stay positive and I, I push forward, you see? I, I got to do the right thing for my family! So I smile and I say that the world is just fine, as these fucking parasites eat up my spine. So I ask you once and I ask you again. Where do your roots start and where do your roots end?"

    This part hit the hardest. This part was the part I always choked back the tears. Oh, you should have the look on my mother's face when she heard it. She cried. She cried for so long. She apologized. She kept apologizing. Mother you're only human. Just like me. I already forgave you. I forgave you. I forgave Carter. I forgave him too. I forgave you most of all, mother.

     I remember she replied. 

     "You don't forgive David?" She asked.

     One last tear past my cheek as I replied, "I do. Not for him. Not like I do you and Carter. What David did to me? It wasn't humane. It was pure evil."

     "My roots, my roots run deep into the hollow." I finished the song out still choking back tears.

     I see Elijah in the crowd letting a few of his tears flow past his cheeks. 

     The agony I go through with sharing this side of me to the world never overloaded the happiness and relief I got every time I finally got it out of my system. 

     Next song. This is one isn't written by me. It's Lila's. This is something else that our fans loved about us. While I can sing. I can also play some of the instruments the band requires. We all can. We can all sing. Me and Lila trade places. I take the guitar and watch her begin to pour her soul in the song that she holds most to her heart. 

     "Nobody's Home" is about Lila's time after her family kicked her and her sister out. The pain she suffered going through the shame that family told her she was to them. You see, Lila's a lesbian and her family is conservative Christians. When they kicked her out, Juliet stood up for Lila causing them to kick her out too. During this time in her life she was thirteen and Juliet was twelve. Not a year later, they met me. While I had nothing I could do about where they lived, I let them sneak in my room at times. Mia let them sneak into her too room at times. Lila and Mia became fast friends, even faster than her and I did. I fed them every chance I got. Every dollar of allowance I could give, I gave to them. They still had to go to school, you know? I let them borrow my clothes as did Mia. I even lied to my mom and said I lost my journal or my pens and pencils in order to get more even though it oftentimes made my father angry. 

     "She wants to go home but nobody's home. It's where she lies broken inside. There's no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes. Broken inside." Lila sang on about the pain she watched her little sister go through because once Juliet stood up for her, their parents refused to let her back in.

     Her parents refused to let either one of them back in. 

     They just kept standing by their decisions. Lila even said that her and Juliet lived off of breakfast and lunch at school and off the showers in the gyms. They had finally developed a system where they just stayed in the school to live. They hid wherever they could to avoid getting caught. The process continued except for when Mia and I let them sneak in with us and eat whatever we could sneak into our rooms at night. I remember the stories they used to tell us to play it off as if it wasn't as bad as it was. They used to say they were staying with an aunt but that the bed was painful and that she refused to give them money. Mia and I figured out quickly that it was a lie but let them say what they wanted. It lasted at least a year before a fight I had with Lila brought out that Mia and I knew they were staying at the school on the days they didn't spend with us. That fight nearly teared us apart but thank goodness it didn't. We ended up apologizing to each other and making up. 

     "Her feelings she hides. Her dreams she can't find. She's losing her mind. She's falling behind. She can't find her place. She's losing her faith. She's falling from grace. She's all over the place. Yeah." She shook her head to the left just enough for me to see the tear run down her cheek while singing with such passion.

     Lila continues to say that the hardest part of it all was losing Juliet. 

     Juliet died just before Lila was able to start working to help them out more. Lila was so excited to finally be able to take care of her baby sister better. Her death nearly killed Lila. Juliet was fourteen years old. She was murdered. The killer was never caught. The cops tried to play it off suicide. In fact, they did write it off as suicide. You see, they didn't see her face that morning like Mia, Lila and I did. She hadn't smile that much in a long time. Why was she smiling? She was smiling because she was excited just as Lila was. Finally, they could begin the new journey of maybe being able to make enough to feed themselves. They knew if Lila was to do good and stick with job, she would keep getting raises and she could maybe one day, just maybe get them out of the gutter. That one day, she'd be able to get a job too and do the same leading to maybe not living in the school anymore. 

     Someone murdered Juliet Kayla Chaplin and to this day we don't know who it was. It kills all of us inside but it took the light out of Lila. Juliet was her world. She almost felt as if instead of Juliet being a sister,it felt like she lost a daughter.

     "She's lost inside, lost inside. Oh. Oh. She's lost inside, lost inside. Oh. Oh. Oh." In Lila's voice it was oblivious that she was choking up as she ended the song.

     The crowd started shouting. Justice for Juliet. Justice for Juliet Chaplin. The tears finally started coming to a halt as the dark brunette stood strong and raised her mic in her hand letting the crowd shout into the mic. 

     That. 

     That was Lila's way of saying that this is what I am. I am strong and I am going to find the killer. I am going to make sure the person who did this fucking pays.

TO BE CONTINUED.

A/N: I will be posting Crystal and Lila’s profiles after this! That way you have a way better feel for who they are. I hope you enjoyed reading loves. 

[janiedean]

Anyone who think Kit is a good actor is an idiot. And there's so many of them. That's why the world is getting worse and will be dominated by robots 🤖

oddmy dearest @the-bitter-gremlin hopefully you’ll get the tag because I really wanna make sure you see this reply :’DDDDDD

now, point the first: thanks for calling me an idiot! :D I mean, okay, not that grades mean anything of course but given that I went as far as graduating HS in the top five of my class, that I have two degrees one of which with the highest possible vote in a field that’s technically not too easy and that it’s even certified that I speak at least one language at native-tongue level and I can get by in two others other than mine I think my brain is fine enough, thank you.

I also watched more movies than the average person (no, I did, really, I considered studying cinema instead of going to proper uni for real), my top ten favorite movies is all stuff made before the nineties except for one and all my favorite actors are Certified Good Actors Like For Real and I got called a snob for my movie/actor taste more times than I can count. the only reason I’m doing this long-ass preamble is to inform you that if someone can’t act, I can recognize it and I have absolutely no problem admitting it even if it’s someone I like as a person or whose work I enjoy. for one, I can 100% admit that my favorite italian actor when he was nine back then was pretty atrocious (he got better admittedly but I haven’t followed him in a while, so who cares), and I still enjoyed his movies anyway even if he was terrible and I even knew it, but hey, he was hot, so who cares, right? and I enjoyed a fair amount of horribly acted italian fiction because it was fun, so really, I don’t have anything to lose here.

this was all a long preamble to tell you that yes, my favorite actor is marlon brando not the first idiot passing off the street, and yes, kit is actually good at what he does and no, people are not idiots for thinking that.

now, never mind that idek if you saw him in anything that’s not GOT, but the only movie of his I’ve seen where he was really meh was the spy movie and that was because the entire plot sucked ass and the character was terrible but everything was terrible. for the rest, he certainly pulled a better american accent than half of the british actors I’ve heard (it was brimstone by the way, excellent movie, watch it), he can do comedy (watch seven days in hell :D) and ah, yeah, he’s just making a movie/finishing a movie with xavier dolan who’s like… not someone known for picking bad actors. also, uuuh, he went to school for that actually, but not just anywhere -

ah, wow, HE WENT TO THE SAME SCHOOL WHERE LAURENCE OLIVIER, VANESSA REDGRAVE AND JUDI DENCH WENT but okay, sure, they’d totally take someone talentless according to them? and actually:

In the 2008 Research Assessment Exercise the majority of Central’s submission was judged “world leading” or “internationally excellent”. The school has been ranked highly by The Guardian, placing it sixth in its league table of specialist institutions[9]and ninth for Drama and Dance.

LOOK AT THAT, TOP-NOTCH SCHOOL.

now, what is that british acting schools prepare people for? theater.

which means that he’s a theater actor first and foremost, which shows in his damned acting because if you notice he does half of it with his voice, but I guess you were too busy thinking he’s too good-looking to act, right?

except that not counting theater stuff, GOT was the first job he had *and* his first job on tv, which means that of course he wasn’t as good as the others in the beginning, because a) acting for the theater and for tv aren’t the same, b) it was his first job and not everyone is named leonardo dicaprio and can act their way out of a what’s eating gilbert grape at seventeen.

thing is: while at least one of his co-stars hasn’t improved in the role they have (imo but it’s also the writing) and most of the others GOT actors are either seasoned professionals or had acted for the camera before and had less issues adapting to it, he actually got better, and he actually acted a lot better when he was feeding off other people. case in turn:

that’s jon and jaime in s1. admittedly, not kit’s best effort unless you interpret it as jon being so lovestruck by jaime being around him that he’s like 404 page not found, and he had one scene with NCW from then until S7, and they didn’t even interact. NCW is miles better than he is here, obviously, but like, NCW has been in the job since the early 90s and I assure you his first danish movie isn’t his best acting effort either even if it’s not bad. BUT, let’s go to another S1 scene:

jon and sam discuss sex, yey! here he’s with a guy - john bradely - who’s probably (at this point) better than him at reciting on screen, but with whom he’s had a lot more scenes and that is playing his best friend and with whom he presumably hung out a lot and with whom he’s had a lot of time to work with. and even if it’s still S1, if you look at it it’s miles better - he does a lot more of microexpressions, he never looks at the camera (first sign of bad acting btw, he didn’t do it in the previous scene either but there he looked starstruck all the time, here he doesn’t) and like, you can already see that there’s a vast difference in between the two. and it’s the same season, five episodes apart - supposedly they also filmed it later and he’s already more at ease with it. 

now, small pause to remind you that at this point jon doesn’t have too much extra baggage BUT that kit actually read the damned book and you can see it because he makes very precise choices ie in the book after jon burns his hand he flexes the fingers of the hurt one every time he’s nervous or he’s about to lie or something, and he does the exact same thing (link here btw), and fyi, with the exception of partially alfie and gwen, no one in the cast actually went as far as that so HAHAHAHAHA WOW SUCH BAD ACTING, INNIT? anyway, that was season one. I’ll spare you and myself S2/¾ also because if I link you the jon/ygritte scenes I’ll shoot myself in the head. instead, let’s go to season five and 5x02, as in the season where I literally would have quit the fucking show if it wasn’t for jon’s storyline.

if you look at this, he doesn’t even say a fucking word until the ending, and you can see exactly what he’s thinking just looking at his damned face, because if you pay even the slightest bit of attention you notice that he changes expression minutely with every damned word sam and thorne say, you can see his eye movements, then he goes from complete sour to sad to angry to surprised to delighted to worried to happy again in the span of four minutes without even talking once and it’s miles better than anything he did in S1. 

or you could also rewatch the scene where he punches ramsay in S6 where he does a lot of microexpressions that speak for him without even talking, again, in an episode where he did all the stunts on his own same as the rest of the show, and that’s really not little given all the work it goes into being, uh, the main character, who also happens to have to be a seasoned fighter and use swords and so on. (I can’t link but I think I exhausted my limit for linking videos on tumblr so whatever *SHRUG*)

guess what: HE IMPROVED. GREATLY. IT SHOWS. learn to watch the damned thing, it doesn’t take going beyond GOT to realize it. and now, two last things I have to say to you before I finish this because I honestly wasted too much time on you already.

one: he might not be the best actor around - fair enough -, but kit’s definitely good imo. not passable, not decent, not average - he’s good. and he’s learning and he’s improved tremendously in the last eight years and it shows, and he put enough effort into this role to a) read the canon, b) incorporate the canon into it, c) actually changing scenes so that they fit canon more, d) do all his own stunts, e) carry 60% of this whole damned liver-destroying show on his shoulders since at least S5 in which his sl was the only saving grace of the entire thing and he executed it perfectly, so kindly fuck off and don’t go to people calling them idiots because they think an actor is good.

(ps: I

two: going into people’s askboxes and calling them idiots because they enjoy something and insulting what they enjoy is a) rude, b) uncalled for, c) an asshole move.

next time let me/us/whoever enjoy this guys’ acting in peace and keep your fucking opinion to yourself, because honest, if I could spend twenty years out of almost thirty of my life keeping my mouth shout about how much I hate HP to a) my rl friends, b) my internet friends and I could keep myself from informing them that I think it’s really bad under their posts or in their inbox or to their face because I’d be an asshole if I decided to shit on what they like, then you can pay me the same favor (or about anyone else) and not go around dissing stuff people like to their faces when they said openly they like them.

sayonara and call me when you get an emmy nomination :’)

[bluerene]

river, part one [starx]

hi 

it’s been a looooong while since I’ve really posted any writing (coughLIABILITYcough) but I’ve been working on this for a while and it feels worthy of being put up. Technically, the whole thing is meant to be a longass oneshot, but I figured that with tumblr’s format, it might just be better in shorter breaks. 

I’ll post on ff.net once all the parts are uploaded here. I don’t think it’ll exceed 5? 

things to note, uhhhhh, inspired by the hook from Eminem’s “River ft. Ed Sheeran”. also @fireflyxrebel ‘s blog bc starx <3 <3 <3 And my innate need to start new stories when I haven’t finished any. Post-Tokyo, sans kiss. 

I invite critiques, requests, reblogs, and reviews (i.e. please tell me if it’s garbage :)!!!

without further ado, this is River. 

I’ve been a liar, been a thief

been a lover, been a cheat

all my sins need holy water, feel it washing over me

Little one, I don’t wanna admit to something

If all it’s gonna cause is pain

Truth and my lies, now, are falling like the rain

So let the river run

I did it for the look on his face.

Man, you should’ve seen it. I think he might’ve stopped breathing. It only lasted for a moment, but damn, it was funny. Then he started throwing punches. She was dazed and pink but she managed to wiggle out of the red bands that strapped her to the wall. Her fists were clenched, but she didn’t look angry. Confused, stunned, maybe even a little curious.

The next bit was mostly a blur - I was busy dodging his fury, making little comments that only irked him more. I glanced over at her a few times. She was distracted, not really making a move to catch me. He was too busy dealing with me to notice that the only teammate at his disposal was a bystander.

Bird Boy knew my moves well. He landed a few nasty hooks, his steel shoes connecting with my chest once or twice. We were too evenly matched to make the fight come to a clean end. He anticipated the toys in my belt, from the x-shaped shurikens to the scarlet rubber bindings I enjoyed shooting so often.

I played the weakness. I glanced at her again, more noticeably, and raised my palms, prepared to strike.

It worked - he turned around and shouted her name, snapping her out of her thoughts. I shifted my aim and fired, wrapping him in thick red cords.

“Robin!” She shrieked, transferring something from her fist to her pocket.

“It’s been fun playing, kids,” I said calmly, “but I’ve gotta run.”

She was at his side immediately, peeling away the tightly wound bands.

“Hey, cutie,” I called, grinning at the sight of her crimson cheeks, “think about what I said.”

I gave them a two-fingered salute and tapped my belt, teleporting to the rooftop of the warehouse we were in. Ordinarily I’d try to get as far away from them as possible, but I was low on juice and until I replaced the Xenothium in the suit, I’d be stuck making short jumps - too short to escape their field of view.

“What the hell just happened, Starfire?” Ouch, he sounded pissed. Pissed and loud.

I positioned myself flat against the roof, straining to hear more.

“He escaped,” she said mournfully, “oh, Robin, I am truly sorry, I was...out of my skull?”

“Head,” he corrected, softening slightly, “what did X say to you? Where’s the paper he gave you?”

“He merely made another of the date comments,” her voice was meek and apologetic. I could picture her twisting her fingers nervously or playing with her hair, “and I... the paper was burnt by my starbolts.”

That made me do a double take. She was lying.

“He’s an asshole.”

“Indeed. But there is nothing we can do about him now, yes?”

He sighed tiredly, “yeah, whatever. He didn’t make off with much. I’ll deal with it tomorrow. We should head back, patrol wasn’t supposed to run so late.”

“Robin-”

“Don’t worry, Star. I’m fine, just frustrated. You’re right, there’s nothing that can be done right now.”

She seemed to accept this, not fighting back with any words as they exited the warehouse. I scooched closer to the edge of the roof, careful to keep out of view.

“Ride back with me?” He offered.

“Another time,” she replied, sounding alarmingly close, “I believe I require a midnight flight.”

I turned my head in what I assumed was her direction and - well, shit, there she was, floating with her back to me.

“Suit yourself. Don’t be too long, I’ll lockdown the tower after you’ve come in.”

“Thank you, Robin.” She turned and looked straight at me, lips pressed in a thin line.

I made a move for my belt, stopping when she shook her head. It was such an imperceptible movement, I was certain I had imagined it. But I obeyed anyway, waiting for the sound of the bike revving and speeding off into the night, until we were enveloped in silence once more.

She landed beside me and hoisted me up by the front of my suit, pushing me onto my feet. I stumbled back and shot her a glare.

“Ease up, cutie.”

“You do not get to speak to me in that manner,” she seethed, reaching into her pocket to retrieve a crumpled up piece of paper, “I will give you ten seconds to explain what this is before I throw you into the harbor.”

I shrugged, “it’s exactly what it looks like.”

“I do not understand. Even you are not stupid enough to give me-”

“My phone number? Stupid, no, interested, yes. Don’t try tracing it, you won’t get anywhere.” This wasn’t entirely true, but I was pretty confident she’d believe me.

“What did you hope to accomplish with this?”

“A date,” I said cheekily, “or a chat. I’ll be walking away from here with at least one, that’s for sure.”

She frowned, “I am still confused.”

“Me too, actually, why’d you lie to your boyfriend?”

She blanched, turning away quickly.

“He is not my boyfriend.” She muttered.

“Nuance,” I said smoothly, moving to stand beside her, “you still lied.”

“Would you have preferred I allow him to attack you?”

“Well, no, but I’m surprised you took my feelings into consideration.”

She shook her head, “it is not that. I am trying to understand you, and I do not think involving Robin would be of any help.”

“Oh? What do you wanna know?” I moved closer to her, praying that she wouldn’t crush my bones if we touched.

“Why do you do this, X?” She asked quietly, turning to face me, her fingers still clutching the scrap of paper I’d shoved into her hand twenty minutes earlier.

“I can’t help it if I like you, beautiful.”

She blushed and stepped out of my reach, shaking her head, “I am not referring to the flirting. I am referring to...the facade. The persona. X, you are capable of so much.”

Ohhhhhh, fuck. This was not where I wanted the conversation to go. I figured I’d tease her a little, flirt things up, play the game.

“You think too highly of me,” I said quickly, crossing my arms.

“I do not think that is true,” she replied, “you are strong and clever and you have aided us on several occasions. You could be a great asset to the Titans if you-”

“I’m not interested in being recruited, cutie,” I shot flatly, “I’m a thief. I do what I want, when I want. That’s all there is to me.”

“You are wrong. I know there is more.”

“You don’t know me.”

That shut her up. I felt bad, but not enough to take back what I’d said. I wasn’t wrong. She had no idea what she was talking about.

“Then let me.”

What?

“Excuse me?”

“Let me know you,” she said firmly, leaving no room for argument, “you have been persistent about taking me on an outing. I will go on a date with you, if you allow me the chance to truly know you.”

I shook my head, thankful that the mask hid my eyes which were probably the size of dinner plates.

“No way, cutie, you’re crazy.”

She shrugged, “perhaps I am, but I will not leave you with much of a choice. You will take me out on a pleasant excursion and allow me the opportunity to get to know you better. In return, I will not inform Robin of our conversation tonight, or give him this-” she brandished the slip of paper triumphantly.

“It’s a dead number anyways,” I lied, “go ahead, he’ll probably be more pissed at you anyways.”

Her eyes narrowed, lips curving into a smirk.

“You underestimate Robin. And you underestimate me.”

I had to smile at that, “Cutie, I would never underestimate you.”

“Marvelous. Then I shall contact you via this number to arrange an evening for our date. I would appreciate it if you cooperated, but it is not necessary, because this will happen either way,” she said briskly, rising into the air.

“One question,” I said, definitely not getting caught up in the sight of her long red hair flowing in the cool night air, “why are you doing this?”

She smiled slightly, “I believe in chances and goodness. Consequently, I believe you deserve to have and be both.”

“No, no,” I shook my head, “I meant the date.”

She blushed again, “conceivably...it could be fun.”

With that, she was gone, her exit accented by a bright green streak in the sky.

-

X’hal I must be insane.

Raven certainly thinks so. I told her what I had done - used Red X’s affections for me against him. She feels it is a terrible idea. I do not disagree.

I find him to be intriguing. He has proven himself to be worthy of the Titans time and time again, saving us, assisting us, often choosing to help rather than run. He claims his motives are his own, and perhaps they are, but I truly feel there is more to it.

To be clear, I am still very confused by many of his actions. I do not understand why he has chosen crime, nor do I understand why he flirts with me. I am not even sure the flirting is genuine.

Humans are such complex creatures. They err more often than not. Matters of honor hold great weight with some and no weight at all for others. Actions are coupled with intent to determine consequence.

Humans also veil their emotions. They feign kindness to disguise malice. Conversely, they can act cold to hide affection. I have seen it often with Robin.

Tamaranians are the opposite. We are compelled by our soul and our strength. We pride ourselves on our ability to feel, and express our feelings through touch rather than verbally. I have become quite accustomed to the various displays of physical affection humans utilize. High-fives and the bumping of fists in congratulations. Hugs for comfort, friendly kisses on foreheads and cheeks, sometimes hands as a means of being silly or flirtatious. Mouths with romantic intent. This, I find rather foreign.

Raven suggested, rather hesitantly, that I might have agreed to Red X’s request because I have been feeling lonely and I enjoy his attention. I know she did not mean to insult me, but I felt slightly affronted. Mostly because I could not disagree with this observation either.

I have long given up on Robin. Tokyo put a distance between us, an uncomfortable bubble that neither of us have been able to break. He is still my friend. I still love him. But I am tired of waiting.

Red X has always been amusing to me, though I try to hide it for Robin’s sake. I do not need his flirtations or compliments, but I certainly enjoy hearing them. It fills me with a strange feeling that twists in my stomachs and makes my heart work a little faster.

Thinking about it now, I realize accepting his offer may have been too bold of a move. I do not know where we will meet or what we will do or how we will dress. I have no alibi prepared, though I am sure Raven will allow me to use her as an excuse. I doubt Red X will tell me anything of true value. He may choose to use this date as an excuse to ‘put the moves on’ as Cyborg would say. It could very well be a wasted evening.  

But, if anything, I do think it will be fun.

[end of part 1]

[kylorenpunk]

Because I’m a jerk how about all 99? :P

I hate you Mason. 1: 6 of the songs you listen to most? Burnin Up by jonas brothers

Faith by George Michael 

Without Love from the Hairspray Movie Soundtrack 

TKO By Justin Timberlake 

Mirrors by Justin Timberlake

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Gal Gadot

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. “When you’re ready, let me know, and I’ll see how well you’ve done.” - Brisinger

4: What do you think about most? Depends on the day 

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say? “Oh yeah.” Shout out to Nic

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on? with clothes

7: What’s your strangest talent? That I don’t have a talent

8: Girls… are great and valid; Boys… are great and valid

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you? Not that I know of

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? I was in middle school. Accidentally farted in the middle of the room in girl scouts trying to be cool doing that. Haven’t done it since.

11: Do you have any strange phobias? Hate crowded places, don’t like stuff with a bunch of holes, hate snakes, mainly claustrophobia and social phobia

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? a nasal spray

13: What’s your religion? very loose catholic

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Walking, exploring a place, talking on the phone 

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind it. Don’t like how I look in photos I didn’t take myself.

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? Shinedown

17: What was the last lie you told? That I would be getting decorations for something today. I meant it when I said it tho. 

18: Do you believe in karma? Yes. I believe what you put out into the world is what you receive. Whether or not that is specifically karma who knows. 

19: What does your URL mean? It means Kylo Ren is a little bitch and that The Last Jedi never existed

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? W: overthinking S: Passion

21: Who is your celebrity crush? Chris Pine atm

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping? Nope. It makes playing Never Have I Ever really easy

23: How do you vent your anger? Talking to a friend, posting on a sub social media account

24: Do you have a collection of anything? Fairies, makeup, wonder woman and batman items

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Phone. Conversation is more natural and unfiltered

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become? Very much so yes

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? Styrofoam - I love the sound of my fan or the sound of someone laughing

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?What if I stayed in my first school

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yes and Yes

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. R: makeup drawer         L: Wall 

31: Smell the air. What do you smell? Air. I smell air. Miss me with that hippie shit

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to? A club in Tampa

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast? East Coast.

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? Justin Timberlake

35: To you, what is the meaning of life? 42

36: Define Art. Anything you want it to be

37: Do you believe in luck? Sort of?

38: What’s the weather like right now? Cooler side. Kinda nice tho

39: What time is it? 1:20 am. Fuck you.

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? Yes and no

41: What was the last book you read? Still in the middle of Brisinger bc I am forever cursed to never finish that series. No spoilers

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline? No

43: Do you have any nicknames? Kari, Rina, Lord of the Universe

44: What was the last film you saw? Just came back from seeing Game Night. It was good.

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? Sprained my ankle one time.

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly? Yes! He died. 

47: Do you have any obsessions right now? Kakashi tbh

48: What’s your sexual orientation? Straight 

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you? Yep that I was falsely in love with someone I was not.

50: Do you believe in magic? No. 

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? Yes

52: What is your astrological sign? Cancer. I’m an emotional bitch.

53: Do you save money or spend it? Both

54: What’s the last thing you purchased? Candy for a movie

55: Love or lust? Love. 100%

56: In a relationship? Not at the moment

57: How many relationships have you had? Official? One. Non official? 3

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue? I tried. No.

59: Where were you yesterday? School, work and home

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? My blanket

61: Are you wearing socks right now? Nope. Bare feet. 

62: What’s your favourite animal? Meerkat

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? That’s manipulation I don’t encourage that spam snapchat with selfies

64: Where is your best friend? Hopefully sleeping bc it’s nearly fucking 2am

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr. how about no 

66: What is your heritage? Hispanic

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM? Sleeping like I should be doing right now

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name? Pussy

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? I am a child of God. 

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? Yes I would love another hot mess friend. 

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? Call someone nearby to help and explain the situation

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) family and close friends b) go see all the people I want to see c) of course who doesn’t fear death

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love. In order to love you need trust so love. 

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Burnin Up by the Jonas Brothers or Get Low by Lil Jon 

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? Not happening

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? Trust, Love and Communication 

77: How can I win your heart? Win my family’s heart

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity? Yes bc there are less social restrictions

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? To leave the first school - also to go to San Antonio last summer

80: What size shoes do you wear? 8-9

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone? She loved Wonder Woman.

82: What is your favourite word? Fuck

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. family

84: What is a saying you say a lot? “Listen”

85: What’s the last song you listened to? Say Something by JT

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours? Pink, Black, Green

87: What is your current desktop picture? Picture of Abby Cadabby from Sesame Street reading a muppets version of harry potter 

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? The asshole in power in Venezuela

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? Depends on who it is 

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Cry because mummies have been a fear since childhood

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

Photographic memory when needed

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

Either a very recent Saturday. Or a moment in San Antonio where I was just in the hotel room being the happiest I had felt in years.

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Ever riding Falcon’s Fury

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

Nick Jonas despite knowing it would be awful 

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

New York or Chicago

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

Not atm

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

Yep. Tried swallowing pen ink and it made me puke

98: Ever been on a plane? 

Yep this past summer

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

Be kind to one another.